Most websites have, pardon the expression, a back end which can analyze traffic and PositiveLite.com is no exception. So it's easy for us too see what collectively you like to read.

That latter point is endlessly fascinating – at least to us – and is the subject of today’s post.  Your top ten most popular posts, based on traffic in the last six months, are a mix of the serious and the not so serious, the old and the new. I think you’ll be entertained by revisiting all ten of them.

1. Len Tooley on PreP, part one.

This was the first in an excellent three-part interview by publisher John McCullagh that featured HIV-negative prevention educator Len Tooley’s decision to regularly take anti-HIV drug Truvada as a risk reduction strategy.  This very human interview is both a great read and a primer in the pros and cons of taking PreP that answers many of the practical and emotional questions people have about it. No surprise that the article was picked up by outside news sources and translated in to several languages.

2. I’m on antivirals and undetectable. What about Safe Sex? 

Given that this article speaks to one of THE big issues of the day for many HIVers, it’s no surprise that this interview with researcher Rupert  Kaul on the impact of undetectable viral load has drawn so much attention.  Read it carefully and you’ll be ahead of the pack in understanding things like how risky is sex without condoms and what are the chances of finding dangerous levels of virus in the semen when your blood viral load is undetectable.

3. More homoerotic ads 

Readers find posts in different ways. This older one has clearly been a perennial favourite with people googling “prison shower scene video” obviously the main attraction here.  And why not – it's clever, funny and hot.  We like it because it shows our readership is not too HIV obsessed and has a sense of humour too.

4. My relationship status

Former PosiitiveLite.com writer Michael Burtch returned for this guest post and – boy – did he cause a stir! A blisteringly honest post about what he as a poz guy wants out of sex and the need for real intimacy, it divided readership down the middle. Love it or hate it, and many people did (calling Michael “psychotic” and “criminal”), this is a must read for those trying to understand the impact of undetectable viral load in the real world. 

5. Roberto Alomar – is he still playing games? 

Clearly another google hit, this almost three year old post drawing on rumours of the day just won’t go away. Who knows  - or even cares anymore - if now retired baseball player Roberto Alomar is poz? But the news continues to bubble and Alomar continues to claim he is neg, while lawsuits swirl around him contending he’s poz.  The curious can get an update on his legal battles here. 

6. Changing my mind on treatment as prevention

This quite recent heart-on-sleeve post is another one that has been picked up by several national and international  news source. As the title implies it’s a highly personal take on one of the hottest HIV issues of the day.  Perhaps why it has appealed to many though, and likely annoyed many others, is its point-by-point dissection of the various arguments against treatment as prevention and why they no longer, at least in the writer’s eyes,  look so good. Controversial stuff, this!

7. Neuropathy and HIV – a progress report

When we signed up Netherlands poz guy Dave R to write for us last year, we landed a gem. The always readable Dave serves up regular helpings of his well researched thoughts on  - well, just about anything.  But his area of true expertise is peripheral neuropathy, of which he knows well first hand.  One of the world’s leading experts on this topic, he’s highly readable to boot and this post is no exception.

8. Sex = fun? Explicit pro-pleasure videos bring "sexy back" to HIV awareness

This article came to us from a content-sharing agreement we have with TheBody.com.  It’s a fascinating look at some HIV prevention videos which go one step further than most (or maybe three). But it’s likely the words “explicit sex videos” in the title didn’t hurt in drawing in the googlers.

9. Bisexuality on the Big Bang Theory

I must admit I’ve never looked at this show in the same way since reading this post from Guelph’s Megan DePutter on ultimate nerd gal Amy’s  sexual and entirely unreturned attraction to Penny. There are few if any other bisexual characters on TV and the fact that this is played out on prime time so blatantly warms our hearts.  Plus of course, the show is hilarious. Thanks, Megan, for this.

10. Len Tooley on PrEp, part three

See 1. Above. Readers clearly coudn’t get enough of Len’s wonderfully honesty and insightful words. If you haven't read this, or parts one and two, you are missing out on being up to speed on perhaps the next big thing in HIV prevention. And understanding how people can make a difference to our perceptions by sharing their stories. 

This post originally appeared on the website of the AIDS Committee of Guelph (ACG) here.

It must be time to slow down because I just noticed I missed the second anniversary of my first blog debuting on ACG's site way back on August 9th 2010. So this means my second year at PositiveLite.com is coming up March 30th as well. This entry will be my 29th blog posting for ACG and I have written 82 for PositiveLite.com. I didn't realize I had this much to say.

When I started I was as green as you can get, I had no idea what I was doing. I remember there was a book I had read, "If you can talk, you can write" by a guy named Joel Saltzman. I read it, many years ago. I did try to write a few times but gave up. I still don't think I will write the next great novel, but blogging is a form of writing that I can do. It is a lot like talking, so why not write it.

The incentive for me to start was knowing that I had two great mentors/editors in Megan DePutter at ACG and Bob Leahy at PositiveLite.com. They cleaned up my articles so that they read better. I don't know how true it is (Editor's note: It's true!) but they have told me they have had to do less editing as time went by. So if my English in some blogs sounds a little too refined to be me, that’s because it’s Bob's work. I have warned him to be careful doing it because people will expect me to talk like that.

Something else that motivated me to get involved in blogging was having my HIV status go public on the internet. Once it was out there I couldn't hide from it, but I could get involved in helping people better understand HIV and to help end the stigma that I was subjected to that day. I wanted to share my story and put a face to this disease and hopefully reach someone else who could relate. I read many blogs by other writers and I can relate to some of their stories or find out new things I could dor to live a better and healthier life.

I have been able to move away from just writing about myself and offer my opinion on other subjects, like homophobia, stigma, or I'll write about my photography, a movie or television shows I watch. I am aware that I'm living with HIV 24 hours a day but it isn't something I have to worry about every hour of the day. Life goes on, normally! I work, I play and I still do most of the things I used to, just a little slower now.

Now, thanks to social media I am communicating and sharing information with people across the country and around the world. To hear from a young American living in Japan that he was following my blog and was inspired to go on and tell his story, or from an older gentleman in Toronto who wanted to talk to me about going public with his real name; these are some of the best rewards I could receive. (The older gentleman in Toronto, by the way, is now the publisher for PositiveLite.com.)

I have tried to start my own blog site several times, but was frustrating to see that no one was reading it. This is where social media came in. You have to be on Facebook and twitter and a few other places where you can post links to your blog. I like to make fun of learning to use programs on the internet; once I learn how to use them, I tell people, "it is so easy, even I can do it."

There are easier ways of promoting via social media than I was used to. I was introduced to another program recently that makes much of the social media work easier. I was told about it ages ago but fought off having to learn something new. With this new program, I can schedule all the posts on social media and take off for the day.

Now I am doing the Facebook page for PositiveLite.com, plus I'm writing and scheduling the tweets to go up on Twitter. I haven't mastered the "Smart Phone", so I'm not doing any of that while on the run and it helps that I don't have one..........yet! I believe I am being smart in telling myself I don't need one. I think once someone has one of those phones, they really do stop communicating in a human way, and become “app-dicted” as well; an app for this, an app for that. Look around you, you don't even have to leave your home, someone around you right now is clutching their phone and paying little attention to you.

I use social media; social media doesn't use me. I find I spend a lot of time online and less time with the people around me. I do need to work on this part. If I'm out with people, most of the time, I have my phone off or on vibrate and I am present in the moment.

Part of the inspiration to write yet another blog about blogging is because ACG has a call out to anyone who might be interested in getting started. Now that some of us have our feet in the door there is plenty of experience to learn from. Megan Deputter, Olivia Kijewski and myself are all blogging on PositiveLite.com as well as ACG's site. We haven't been able to sit down for our first meeting yet so there is still time to get in on this workshop.

To use one suggestion that was made to me, "it might be a good thing for you". It was for me and it seems I'm well into my third year of blogging, I didn't get bored with it. I didn't stop. I do get writer's block from time to time but a detour out in the real world can be all that I need to get back on track.

"Another year over and a new one just begun" - John Lennon

Let me first apologize for so many acronyms in this post. It’s part and parcel of working and volunteering in HIV organizations; it becomes the language.

I’m not alone, particularly among people my own age, when I say the years are going by way too fast. It’s like everything that happened just yesterday. I started noticing it when I was about 45, around the time the job in the factory was coming to an end. The years in that place just seemed to drag on. A dead end job, with days that seemed to never end, year after year. I should have left after two or three years but I stayed there 27 years.

The last three or four years have just seemed to zip right by me, though. I am doing the things I had only daydreamed about while slugging it out in the factory. Now I like what I’m doing and some of it I go at it with a lot of  passion. I guess that’s where the saying comes from, “time flies when you’re having fun”. So in part, it's my own fault time is going by so fast.

The last year was yet another good one for me. It was a year of learning about a past that paved the way for me to be able to LIVE with HIV today. I was able to attend the play “A Normal Heart” at Buddies In Bad Times and also saw the movie “How to Survive A Plague” while I was in Toronto for the OAN (Ontario AIDS Network) and OHTN (Ontario HIV Treatment Network) conferences this fall. Both of these stories were about the fight for drugs and care for people who were dying of AIDS in New York City. I remember seeing it all on the news during those years. I had forgotten how the CDC (Centre For Disease Control) in the United States was more concerned over seven deaths due to contaminated Tylenol while thousands were dying of AIDS.

Earlier in the year I returned to the workforce part time, working for the OHTN as a PRA (Peer Research Associate). I had been participating in three surveys the OHTN were conducting. The PRA for our area had to leave the position for another job opportunity so he recommended me, as did the Executive Director at my AIDS Service Organization.  I had to do online training over three months on the ECHO (Employment Change & Health Outcomes) research as well as being trained on the ethics that each survey is governed by. In July I was ready to start work and on November 15th the project was completed. I am looking forward to seeing the results.

I would love to do more of this type of work. With so much stigma towards people living with HIV, research can only help the world learn more about barriers that people living with HIV might face on the job or on returning to work.

Elsewhere, I went through some more drama this year, a couple of short episodes. I got angry, anger turned to stress, and stress isn’t good for me. I had to reel it in early and squash it. I dropped my guard and thought I could trust certain people, only to be let down. So it’s an issue I’m going to have to work on.

I can’t really complain too much about my health, I’m hanging in. I haven’t done any of the things I know I need to do. I haven’t taken any weight off, I haven’t even tried. (At my last doctor’s appointment, when he told me my weight, it was lower than I thought it was but I realized that his scale is more accurate than mine so, I really wasn’t as heavy as I thought.)

I hate New Year’s resolutions. I’ve never followed up on any that I made over the years, I would end up doing things when I wanted to instead, like smoking. I needed a reason to stop – and becoming a grandfather became my reason. It’s been over 12 years now. Another bad habit I had was biting my nails, I used to bite them until they bled. It was a habit my oldest brother had too. Now I can pick up change from the ground or floor -  well, when I feel I can get down there and get back up.

At that last doctor’s visit I was also informed that I will need to watch my salt intake, so no processed or canned foods. I’m not one to add salt to anything put in front of me. If it’s in the dish I can’t take it out, I have to eat. I will try to do it…… when it’s possible.

I can really identify with the cartoon here. There is always going to be more we can do to extend our lives but we will just experience more of those gruelling aging symptoms. Yipee!

I’m really looking forward to 2013.  Bring it on. With all the things I’ve put into play in the last few months it can only get better. My photography is going to be a bigger part of the new year, going from a hobby to the art world, it’s going to be a big step. It may not make me rich but it will make me proud of what I create.

My ASO has been coming up with some workshops and programs that are geared for me. Up next is a workshop on blogging. I’m learning some new (well, new to me), social media programs so I should have something to contribute. I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but after about 80 blogs here on PositiveLite.com and nearly thirty on my ASO’s website, I think I can play an important part.

I have wanted to do more public speaking but I’ve learned that in my area there isn’t much of a demand to hear from an older gay male with HIV. There are places that will need to hear from me, like the healthcare system. They need to prepare for this gay male who might need longterm care, one who also has HIV. Right now, they are not ready.

Until then, here you’ll find me from time to time.

All the best to everyone -  and Happy New Year!

Hashtag trends on Twitter are a bit like an episode of Prisoner: a mixture of pathos, camp, genuine emotion and absolute rubbish.

When I saw #WhatHurtsMeTheMost trending in Australia last night, I had to click to see what people were saying.  What interested me was how many times the same themes recurred.  Here are five that stirred something in me.

#WhatHurtsMeTheMost when someone makes you feel so so so special, but turns out they’re like that with everyone else

I was talking with friends over the weekend about the spambots that used to pop up in dating chatrooms and start a conversation with you, managing to get out two or three generic opening sentences before inviting you to some membership site to rip you off.

There are also real-life spambots. People who know how to use their charm and wiles on the vulnerable and make them feel special.  Those of us naïve enough to have been taken in fall very hard when we realise that we weren’t that special after all, but simply were victims of patter.

Of course, that’s where we go wrong, and why we end up falling so hard in the first place.  If you’re placing so much value on someone else making you feel special, then you are in for a difficult road in life.  You have to be able to survive on your own, and as clichéd as it is to say, you have to be able to love yourself.

#WhatHurtsMeTheMost : Seeing the one you love, love someone else.

There’s a heartbreaking song on Pet Shop Boys 2006 album, ‘I Made My Excuses And Left’.  It tells the story of a man at a party, and the hush and awkwardness that falls over the room when his ex walks in with a new man.

Each of you looked up, but no one said a word

I felt I should apologise for what I hadn’t heard…

And clumsy as I felt at stumbling on this theft

to save further embarrassment, I made my excuses and left

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is hard.  Sometimes you can just get to a point where you think you’re past it, and something will unexpectedly get you – moments like the above.  One from my past involved being out at a function and heading out to look for a friend that I had deep feelings for, only to find him kissing someone else passionately in the corner.

I quietly withdrew into a pit for a while, until I was rescued by some other friends.  I never told them or anyone else what was going on.  It wasn’t the right time, and I was too embarrassed.  Sometimes you want to move on, but an emotional switch in your brain just won’t let you.

#WhatHurtsMeTheMost seeing someone in your family cry

My grandmother on my father’s side of the family died when I was around, maybe, ten years old.  I didn’t quite understand what was going on at first, having thankfully had no experience with such things.

I remember my parents going round to her house mysteriously one morning, and I was aware of there being some vague concerns for her wellbeing.  I was left with my grandparents on mother’s side, who lived next door to us.  The first I heard was the phone ringing, Nana answering, and exclaiming in a shocked voice: “When did she die?”

A few days later we were at the funeral.  We exited the chapel at the end, and I watched my family go to pieces, Mum and Dad included.  It was the first time I’d ever seen them cry, and it wouldn’t be the last.

As a selfish child only could, I remember feeling like I’d been put on a liferaft and pushed out into the ocean. I was confused. Parents aren’t supposed to cry. They’re supposed to fix everything and make it alright.

My Aunty Colleen noticed me and came and hugged me, then I cried. I wasn’t crying because my grandmother had gone. I was crying because I realised I wasn’t alone.

#WhatHurtsMeTheMost I cant go back in time to relive the best moments of my life.

I don’t know whether the person who wrote this was being flippant or serious, but I feel very sorry for them if it’s the latter.  Stephen Fry in his first autobiography “Moab Is My Washpot” talks about feeling suicidal as a teenager and writing the line “my whole life stretched out gloriously behind me”.

We can go through life thinking that our existence is like oil in the ground: that eventually we’ll reach a peak and thereafter the returns will be diminishing.  But we’re not provided with a script, and have no way of knowing what is around the corner.

There are no best moments of your life, only best moments in your life thus far.

As my friend, artist Christophe Jannin, says when asked what his favourite drawing is, the best is the one I have yet to do.

#WhatHurtsMeTheMost standing on a plug

Self-explanatory. Hurts like a bitch. Don’t leave things in such a mess.  It’ll always get you in the end.

This post originally appeared on Christopher’s own blog BiPolar Bear here.