When I was younger, in grades 6 to 10, almost daily I would be in the school yard and hear someone say to another, “blow me”, “suck me off”, “suck my cock”, “eat me”. Very few times did that person actually mean the other person was gay, it was just something to degrade the other person. It was part of the swearing lexicon that so many of us spoke daily. No one stopped to think; it just rolled off our tongues.  

The names/insults we throw back and forth aT each other go on everywhere, by people of all genders, race or age.  Sometimes this kind of language is blooped out on TV, sometimes it isn’t. It is heard all its glory on the bigscreen. To say you didn’t hear at least one insulting comment a day would be really hard to believe. Many of us are guilty of doing it. 

I’ve been to baseball, football, and hockey games, and over and over in the stands I’ve heard homophobic comments directed at any player who screwed up on the field of play. Heaven forbid that you cheer for the wrong team because, you know, the other team, "they are all a bunch of fags”. 

AIDS Committee of Guelph and Wellington County (@aidsguelph) posted this link on twitter. It’s a daily counter to show how often some homophobic words are used in conversations on the site each day.  

Pick a sport, any sport and you'll hear of a player spewing homophobic slurs or someone being on the receiving end of the slurs, be it the fans, fellow players, coaches or the referees. It’s a mad display of bravado between all three groups. Players fighting with fans in the seats, players arguing with the managers, coaches and refs, someone gets too hot under the collar and then out comes some sort of racist or homophobic slur. 

Thousands of similar slurs from fans have already been shouted out through most of any game, but the one that draws attention is the one made by a player, coach, or referee. The player is singled out and paraded on TV and in the media to be made an example of. He’s made to apologise, he’s fined an amount that is basically a half hour's pay for him. And we the people want things to change, we want to end homophobia in sports.  

Let's take what is happening in the National Hockey League right now. They have a campaign called "If You Can Play, You Can Play". It was started by Brian Burke, the current General Manager of the Toronto Maple Leafs and his eldest son Patrick. Burke's younger son Brandon came out gay to his hockey team. Brandon was the first athlete to fight for the rights of gay athletes in professional hockey and just as his life in sports started he was tragically killed in a car crash in 2010. Like his team, his coaches and management who supported him, so did his father and brother. They are dedicated to carry on his legacy to affirm LGBTQ athletes around the world are afforded equal opportunity, judged only by their talent, character and work ethic. 

In an interview with Xtra Magazine, Brian Burke referred to slurs that may sound homophobic but were not said to be homophobic, that they were more habitual and stupid. He's aware it doesn't make it less offensive or painful to the gay community. He went on to say that when a player throws out that three syllable word it doesn't mean he's accusing the other player of being gay, it's just what they say when they get hit in the head. Its language that needs to change but it's going to take time. Burke says he's seen changes at the NCAA level with younger players and he's seeing a difference with his own team. 

So we are finally having some dialogue on this subject and it was all started by....a player. What I see in Brian Burke's comments echoes what I have seen myself sitting in the stands with other fans. I think the message needs to be directed more to the fans. 

Before I finish off on this I would like to go back to the 1970s and tell you about an up and coming baseball star named Glenn Burke. I collected baseball and hockey sportscards with my two sons a few years back but never heard about this player. I always thought there had to be gay baseball players but it had to be a “don’t ask, don’t tell” mentality. This story answered that question for me. 

Glenn was a highschool and college star basketball player who also played baseball. He drew the attention of the Los Angeles Dodger's baseball scouts who described him as the next Willie Mays. After the normal stint in the minors Glenn was brought up to the Big League where he got to play in the first game for the Dodger's 1977 World Series opener. This was also the year he was credited for creating the "high five", when teammate Dusty Baker hit his 30th home run. 

Glenn didn't hide his sexuality from his teammates or the Dodgers' management. His teammates didn't really care but it's safe to say that management wasn't so cool with the news. At one point they offered him bonuses if he would marry a woman. Instead Glenn befriended and dated manager Tommy Lasorda's gay son. This apparently angered manager Lasorda and Glenn was traded to the Oakland A's for a less talented player which suggested homophobia was behind the trade. 

When Glenn arrived in Oakland, manager Billy Martin introduced him as "faggot" to his new teammates. Glenn didn't see much playing time with the A's; he suffered a knee injury and was later sent to the minors in Utah. He wasn't re-signed when his contract ran out in 1979. 

In 2010 a movie documentary based on a book of the same name called Out: The Glenn Burke Story was made and released in August of 2012. The documentary follows his career in baseball, the car accident that resulted in his leg and foot being crushed, to his battle with drugs and life on the streets and his death from AIDS. When his AIDS diagnosis became public knowledge 1995 the A's organization and former teammates came out to support him. Glenn didn't hold any grudges and said he only had one regret, that he didn't try a second career in basketball. 

"They can't ever say now that a gay man can't play in the majors, because I'm a gay man and I made it." – Glenn Burke. 

The only other baseball player to come out, and only after he retired, is Detroit Tiger's player Billy Bean, not to be confused with the A's current manager (Billy Beane). There were rumors that Roberto Alomar was gay and living with AIDS; his female partner claimed he was HIV positive and put her at risk, though she tested negative. 

I would like to acknowledge that some baseball franchises have contributed videos involving their players for the "It Gets Better" campaign and thats another step forward but it hasn’t been done by all teams in the league yet. 

Any in sports management ireading this? (Hint hint). There is a whole new market here in the gay community to watch cute gay atheletes play their favourite sport. 

The 2012 Olympics in London England saw participation by 20 or so LGBTQ athletes, I never heard of anything ruining the games because they were there. Some went home with medals and some competed to the best of their ability. We have gays coming out all over the world, sports casters, news anchors, TV stars and singer/musicians. There are rugby players, and a soccer player, there have always been gay tennis players and figure skaters. I think the time is right, the players say it's time.

It's also time for the fans to stand up and stop the homophobia. 

Roberto Alomar Story

Wikipedia List of People With HIV

The San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus traveled to Laramie, WY, to benefit the Matthew Shepard Foundation and honor the memory of Matthew Shepard whose tragedy has transformed the world. 

This is "Never More Will The Wind", performed during the Love Can Build A Bridge tour in Laramie, WY. Written by Shawn Kirchner.

Editor’s note.  The clip below is very moving. To read more about Matthew Shepard, go here and/or view the movie “The Laramie Project” , which dramatized his story. You can also read John Henry Rombough-Davie’s series of posts about acting in the stage play “The Laramie Project, Ten Years Later” here.

If a rich company like Chick fil-A wants to throw it’s money away by subsidizing hate groups, more power to them. Some people just have too many dollars and not enough sense. Hate groups are never as huge as they profess to be. Look at the now defunct “One Million Moms”, their Facebook page only contained about 30 – 40,000 followers. 

Note: I did say followers. Haters who attend the churches of hate, listen to the leaders spewing their hate, are nothing more than followers. When a hater has nothing intelligent to bring to a discussion of the facts, they resort to name calling and then feel they have the right to speak for god himself. 

Chich-fil-A is only one of very few that have taken this stance; there are so many large companies in the world who support the LGBTQ community and same sex marriage, companies that do more to help move the world forward instead of taking it back 50 or 100 years. 

I truly believe this company achieved their real motive though. With this downturn in the economy they had to have had a drop in sales, so they took a negative (negative = their stand on same sex marriage) and turned it into a positive move for themselves. They created this whole controversy and declared a day they called an “appreciation day”. Ka-ching, the cash registers ring! It should have been called “sucker day” or as some have suggested, “hater appreciation day”. If they appreciated their supporters so much, why did they have to pay for the food? Because they are followers. When someone appreciates me, they give me something….usually. 

In many situations like this, I like to use what I call a “rule of thirds”, something I learned years ago serving on a Union Executive Committee. One third will support you, one third will not and one third won't care. It’s the latter third that can make or break an election or a debate. Here in Canada our Prime Minister was given a majority government with about 40% of the country’s total population. We had a significant percentage of voters who just did not vote, perhaps because they didn’t care. 

In some communities, going to church is a big deal, but I know in my town, several churches here take turns holding Sunday service because attendance is down so low they can't fill the pews. There is more than one church here which is LGBTQ accepting and their pews are always full. Many LGBTQ events are acceptable and held inside. Churches were supposed to be built on the values of loving thy neighbor, nowhere does it say in brackets, (but if they are gay you must hate them). I think where I live is a common representation of a typical city and so far no church is coming out and declaring war on gays or same sex marriage. They have their beliefs, but don’t force them on others. 

We don’t have the well attended evangelical congregations up here that we see in the U.S. In Canada we have hate laws that could prevent or make it hard for them to survive here. I was reading something online the other day -  the writer used an interesting term for these gatherings, calling them “Talibangelical”. I had to look it up in the Urban Dictionary, as it turns out it has been around for some time and it sure fits with this lot of haters. 

A Christian fundamentalist who wants to impose their beliefs on others and attempt to establish law based on religious principles and ideologies. They have no concept of separation of Church and State and some will even resort to violence to make a point of their faith. 

I’m going to take a real stab in the dark here, I feel comfortable enough to claim that less than one percent of these people are leaders, and more than 99% are followers. You have one loud mouth preacher or politician up front preaching or teaching hate and hundreds sit there waiting for their time to show their support by chanting or whooping it up in the name of God. When you get these followers alone and ask them to show you what in the Bible they are pleading, they couldn’t find it, let alone understand it’s real meaning. To them it’s just in there, the preacher said so.  Haters only have a slight bit of strength when they are in groups, stick a microphone in front of them and they will mumble and stutter and it all goes back to the Bible and God. 

By the way, would someone please show me a traditional marriage that has been destroyed by same sex marriage? 

Its 2012, I believe that by now everyone knows someone who is LGBTQ, whether it’s someone in their family, a co-worker, or a friend, and they have the choice to support that person or they can be a follower of hate.., 

Love will always be stronger than Hate, always. 

In this video you will witness the common hater, one of the 99% who tries to move up in the ranks and be one of the 1% only to FAIL.

I just found out homophobia has been living and festering in my family.

I came out to my family and friends 21 years ago at the age of 37 and I believed it wasn't a big deal with anyone in my family. Over the years we’ve had many reunions; Christmas and holidays together, nothing was discussed, no one asked me anything, not even "why did it took so long to come out"? At one time, it was suggested that I was just going through a phase. (Umm, hiding was the phase.) 

It turns out I was enjoying a false sense of security. Behind my back, it transpires, all three of my brothers, when they got together, would exchange homophobic comments about me. Apparently it was done in the presence of other family members who have kept it from me all this time. I'm not sure if it escalated when they learned I was HIV-positive, but it may have. 

When my oldest brother died of leukemia just over 4 years ago, my Mom said he often wondered what would happen to me and my youngest brother, who has some health issues of his own. For me, this  shows he wasn't as homophobic near the end. My other older brother has a really hard time showing his feelings. He has trouble being supportive to anyone, is very opinionated and a stickler for his beliefs.  You live the way he thinks is right. 

Last month this brother and I got into a heated argument on the phone over the care my sister and I were getting for our mother. He condemned everything we were doing. He had talked to our mother on the phone and felt it was time to put her in a home. This coming from someone who lives an hour and a half from us, only visits her maybe three times a year and only because he has to come back here to see a doctor. Trying to explain anything to him was impossible. His answer to everything was to put her in a home (and throw away the key, was what I was hearing). 

This is when the homophobia spewed out of him like a tsunami. He called me every name from the list of slurs - his "other sister, faggot, fucking homo" and on and on. I'm thinking "just let him get it out", I sat there and listened to it, at one point I shouted back, "I've heard all of those, give me something original!" 

I’m concerned for my health right now, I just had my bloodwork done, I know it will come back with a lower CD4 count. Stress has never been my friend; it’s the reason my CD4 dropped to the point I had to start treatment after seven and a half years without having to take any medication. The stress of caring for my mother, worrying about all the things that get added to the original problem -  I really didn't need this. 

I see my doctor near the end of August so I am preparing to hear that my CD4 has gone down., I may even get a call any day now to have the CD4 checked again. Trying to keep the stress down is going to be a struggle when dealing with family over issues of this magnitude, So many things need to be done, and we aren't working as a team. 

If it had been someone else, a stranger that I didn't know, it wouldn't have bothered me this much, but to come from someone I had grown up with, someone I had a lot of respect for is very hard to understand or to take.

Last year I made up my mind to eliminate anger from my life, It wasn’t going to rule my life, it gets me nowhere. It was the best decision I’ve ever made; so many good things have happened from it. But when this latest incident happened, it made me weak, I yelled back, I yelled loud, I was angry and I'm still angry. It's all I can do to keep my cool. 

On a positive note to homophobia in my family, the new generation, the future of my family, is looking more than promising. My son vowed to raise his children to accept everyone for who they are and treat them the way they want to be treated. I am not the only gay person in my family; I have an aunt who is gay and now there is my son's brother-in-law, uncle to his children. 

Recently while playing the NEW game of LIFE with my son and granddaughters, there comes a time on the board you are supposed to get married. When I landed on that spot, I felt a bit awkward about chosing to marry a man, so I chose a woman. When the game was over, while we dismantled the game my seven and nine year old granddaughters asked me why I chose a woman and not a man. I was floored. I wasn't aware of how much they had been taught, how much they already knew. 

Last night it was my son's brother-in-law and his partner playing the game with them. When it came time in the game for them to marry they both chose to marry a boy. It just happened, it was all normal. Further into the game you might become a parent. Well, my seven year old granddaughter informs her uncle and his partner that they would have to adopt because it’s the only way they can have a child.. Brilliant, I thought, I felt so much pride at that moment. 

So this shows that you can teach your children to love and be accepting or you can teach them to hate. They aren't born to know there is any difference. The only time it’s pointed out to be different is when you teach hate. 

In the video below, the child is four years old, singing a homophobic song his father had to have written. At the conclusion of the first verse the father can be heard shouting, "that’s my boy". This child was not born this way. 

By now, we have all likely heard about the row which started when  the chief operating officer of Chick-fil-A announced in mid-July that his company has given money to anti-gay marriage organizations. Considering the origins of the company, I wasn’t surprised to find this out. I had decided to boycott them way back. The only difference now is that they have officially made a public statement which demonstrates that their views are anti-gay. And now all hell has broken loose! 

The internet is exploding with folks blasting the company and others flocking to support it. The whole situation is crazy! Green Party’s Rosanne Barr took to the twittersphere and said “"[A]nyone who eats S**t Fil-A deserves to get the cancer that is sure to come from eating antibiotic filled tortured chickens 4Christ” She later apologized.  Meanwhile, I have been looking at profiles on facebook and a lot of gays are being defiant and saying that “if I wanna eat at Chick-fil-A - I will!” 

At first it was easy for me to boycott them. I spend most of my time in Toronto and there are no Chick-fil-A’s up here. But with all the controversy it has reminded me how much I loved their sandwiches and waffle fries. I was telling my husband about how simple the sandwich is.  I’m not sure what seasonings they use but it’s only a breaded chicken breast, a pickle and a bun. Some add condiments, but I like ‘em plain.  They’re addictive. 

The whole time I lived in NYC I wished that the Chick-fil-A in New Jersey was closer. In Florida (the Republican State where I am originally from) Chick-fil-A is in every mall. Of course now there are Chick-fil-A’s in the Big Apple, but back then the ones out in New Jersey were the only option. 

Which brings me back to an old theory. The Republicans, right-wingers and Tea Party produce Fox. And to finance their news channel, Fox produces popular shows like The Simpsons, Family Guy and American Idol, which raise money to enable Fox to continue to air their brand of crazy. So, in similar vein, this Christian chicken business has produced the best chicken sandwich to raise money to further their beliefs. 

Since the announcement, Boston Mayor Tom Menino has announced that Chick-fil-A is not welcome in his city.  That’s a major statement from one of the first cities in the U.S. to pass same-sex marriage. Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel  and San Francisco Mayor Edwin Lee have followed  suit in warning the company to stay out of their cities. But now NYC Mayor Bloomberg is saying that the government has no business banning Chick-fil-A and says that the company is welcome in his city. 

Then on July 20th, The Jim Henson Company made a statement  that it would no longer partner with Chick-fil-A and had donated its payment from the puppet kit promotion to GLAAD ( Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation). Then Chick-fil-A announced that they were taking the toys off the market because of complaints that the toys were getting stuck on the kids’ fingers. 

While I was writing and researching for this blog, news came of the Chick-fil-A public relations vice president, Donald Perry dying of a heart attack on July 27th. I’m sure at this moment, Dan Cathy wishes he had never done that interview with The Baptist Press. After the backlash, Mr. Cathy posted on facebook that 'Going forward, our intent is to leave the policy debate over same-sex marriage to the government and political arena.' Fast food chain ChickfFil-A says its policy is to treat everyone with “honor, dignity and respect” without regard to sexual orientation. 

Apparently there are too different sides in the gay community. One side says we should all boycott the company....point blank. The other side says that we should go in to all Chick-fil-A’s and let them know that they have gay customers. Back in the 80’s I remember one of the ways to protest was to go to a business and pay with money that had the words “gay money” printed on it. The boycott of Budweiser seems to have worked. Now they are a major sponsor for most Gay Prides in North America.

Now, you’re probably wondering why is the guy who reviews music writing about this political issue. Well, long before Dan Cathy made his announcement, William Belli (from Rupaul’s Drag Race) made a parody of Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” back in March. To date, “Chow Down (At Chick-fil-A) has over 1,640, 661 views. In the descrption of the video  (see it below) it says  “If drag queens endorse Christian-right owned Chick-fil-A, is it still an endorsement? NOPE!” 

I actually tend to agree. I’m sure that Dan Cathy is not pleased with the sight of his product being used in a music video with drag queens molesting half naked guys with chicken sandwiches and waffle fries. The track is available on iTunes. 

As you can see, there are many mixed messages out there. But my question is....do you think Chick-fil-A is the only company or business that does not support gay marriage?  Because we might only be eating at home if we knew the truth. 

So, I am torn. I’ve protested with Act Up. I’ve sat in sit-ins. I’ve donated money and my talents to the same-sex cause. But I also have a taste for one of those delicious sandwiches. What should I do?