William Shakespeare once wrote: “In springtime, the only pretty ring time. Birds sing, hey ding. A-ding, A-ding. Sweet lovers love the spring” Well, Shakespeare must have never had a winter like this one! For the past couple months, New York City has been wrapped in a blanket of snow and New Yorkers have been wrapped in their best down coats. For whatever reason, Mother Nature played a cruel prank on us this year and gave us what has been dubbed a Polar Vortex. Somehow this polar vortex has the boys of NYC on the prowl (more so than usual.)
After the Brians, I had planned to takes some time off from dating and boys in general. I wanted to focus on my newest obsession, my ukulele. Yes, you read that correctly. My Ukulele. I bought one for Christmas and quickly thereafter started taking lessons at the New York Ukulele School (again, I’m not lying).
The week after I was asked to be a drug hookup by the last of the Brians, I was asked out by four different gentlemen. Now, as I said, I was completely content with sitting at home, on my couch, strumming on my ukulele, but then I thought of all the starving children in the world and realized it would be a crying shame if I didn’t take full advantage this opportunity.
First on my dating roster was Avi, a good Jewish boy from Costa Rica. Just imagine the most beautiful pair of blue eyes with the strongest Spanish accent. Dreamy! This combination also has other crazy qualities. Try paring the gesticulations of the Jews and the Latinos together. Watching him talk is like watching someone swatting at a swarm of flies. But his best combination is that of his employment. He is part architect and part pastry chef. Again, I am not lying.
Our first date was just drinks. I was unsure if I would even like him, so I wanted to keep it casual. Clearly I didn’t know about the pastry chef part yet. I was surprised at how much we hit it off. After our date, he also surprised me by walking four extra blocks out of his way to my subway (this is utterly unheard of, especially in this polar vortex). Maybe I am confusing his valor with his wanting to kiss me, but either way it was well worth it.
Then there were two different boys both named Sam. The first one I bought tickets to see a sexy burlesque circus production, but he cancelled. He got the flu, the nerve. To wash away this pain I scheduled another date with Avi. Clearly Avi was on the top of my list, but then came the other Sam.
We had been chatting on one of those Gentleman socializing apps. I felt a little more comfortable with Sam from the beginning. Maybe it was the fact that he was also HIV-positive or maybe because he was a total goofball and had me in stitches from the beginning. I seriously couldn’t stop laughing. Now I love a good bicep like the rest of you, but if someone can make me laugh, my pants drop to the floor (and not just cause I wet them laughing).
I don’t know if it was the whiskey I was drinking or the way Sam made me laugh but before I knew it, we were lip locked liked two teenagers. At the bar. I am slightly embarrassed to admit it but it was one of the best first dates, outside of Avi, that I had had in a long time.
With the prospects of both Avi and Sam, I have since cancelled the other dates. Dating two guys in NYC is hard but manageable. Three or four is impossible. I can barely keep which stories belong to who. Not to mention dating is crazy expensive. I’m not 100% sure either one of these guys will work out. Also, Avi doesn’t even know about my status yet, so there’s that. But I am just happy I have someone or someone(s) to keep me warm during this polar vortex we find ourselves in.
I doubt my ukulele would radiate that much heat.