The first time I ever took my clothes off onstage was for charity at Halloqueen 2, in support of the AIDS Committee of Ottawa  and the Village Initiative Project.  The events organizer, Glenn Crawford, was having trouble wrangling male volunteers to perform amateur burlesque, and emboldened by the fact that I had been hitting the gym regularly at the time with a personal trainer, I said yes when asked.

I remember trying to calm my nerves beforehand by drinking Smirnoff Ice, and juggling with finesse the attentions of two men I had been secretively simultaneously dating, who both showed up to support me unannounced. I remember little about the actual performance though, other than trying to not make eye contact with the crowd, and remembering to hit my marks, and as the music died down and the applause rose, I swore I would never do something like that again. That is, until seven months later when I organized my own amateur burlesque show to raise money to help fight cancer….

I have never been so much a sexual person I think, as I have been sexualized. Years working as a bartender in a gay bar taught me how to harness sexual attention, commodify it, and talk about sex in a positive way that grossly overemphasised my own interest in the actual carnal act of fucking. Like Boy George once famously said, I’d rather have a cup of tea. But like anyone else, I do have some base sexual needs, and stripping turned out to be bit of a revelation in that respect.

I had unwittingly discovered that night up on stage a medium that was ideal for shameless cockteases like myself! People who had little interest in following up their sexual suggestion with action, but who still craved at least some sexual validation and expression! I got to be creative, have fun, and live and preach my values in a public forum that showed I didn’t just talk the talk, I walked the walk of sex-positivity. I felt like a sexual rebel, a sexual educator, and a valued member of my community all rolled up into one! Every time I stripped or performed terribly amateurish burlesque on stage I found it empowering! When I could overcome my own body fascism, I found I really enjoyed the art of Burlesque and entertaining people onstage!

Inspired by reading Tits And Sass ’s Stripper Music Mondays posts, and my own love of mix-tape culture, I decided I wanted to compile my own stripper/burlesque music mix-tape to share with all of my lovely HIV+ readers, fellow Go-Go boys, Burlesque stars, and closeted bedroom mirror strippers in honour of the upcoming International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers on December 17th.

Of course none of these suggestions will ever replace strip club staples like “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails or anything by Peaches, but hopefully everyone reading will discover a new song or two for their next stint on the pole! As for my next appearance on stage half dressed? Look for me at this years Mister Leather Ottawa on November 13th as part of a fetish wear fashion show in support of the AIDS Committee of Ottawa!

Michael’s Stripper Music Mix-Tape Playlist

The Faint "Erection": The first song I ever stripped too. It’s sexually explicit, comically masculine, and this erection is only 2:45 minutes long , which means you won’t find yourself up on stage for what might feel like forever. Trust me. For your first time pick a short song!

Ween “The HIV Song” : Love using this song to promote discussions of sex and STI’s!

K's Choice "Not An Addict": A love song about heroin featuring some very sexy humming.

The Tea Party "Release (Radio Mix) [Alt Version]" : Slow songs are a dangerous game, especially for a rank amateur like myself. When I’ve performed to this song in the past, I’ve enlisted help, made it theatrical, and usually referenced some S&M themes.

Duran Duran "Come Undone": A failsafe classic. Remember your crowd might be multi-generational. It’s always good to pick a song many will know.

Xiu Xiu "Only Girl (In The World)": Sometimes throwing in an indie rock track sets you up nicely for conversations with the patrons later. They’ll stop and ask you, what was that great song you just performed too, and you’ll share with them what a hipster you are, maybe write the name of the song down for them, and the next thing your dragging them to the Champagne Room or collecting a donation for the cause you’re promoting. Score!  

Lykke Li “Get Some (Beck Remix)”: It’s all in the lyrics.

To learn more about sex work and how you can get involved in your neck of the woods supporting International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers on December 17th, be sure to visit P.O.W.E.R.,  the Turn Off The Blue Light Campaign  and St. James Infirmary.  Sex work is an umbrella term and it includes everyone from amateur, shitty Burlesque dancing wannabes such as myself, to phone sex line operators and rent boys. When we talk about sex workers, we're talking about their advocates, friends, families and allies too. Get involved, and help end violence against sex workers.

It poured rain, non-stop, on World AIDS Day. Despite the weather, I participated in a flash mob organized by my work, handing out AIDS Ribbons and information about the Ontario Working Group On Criminal Law + HIV Exposure on Parliament Hill and got soaked in the process! Even worse, so did most of our ribbons and posters!

On November 18th I hosted a kiosk promoting the AIDS Committee of Ottawa and our group for young gay positive men called Chatter during the 6th Annual Rainbow Youth Fair at the Confederation Learning Centre. This year’s theme was ‘Passion, Pride, and Prosperity’.

Youth Service Bureau (YSB) organized over 200 students from surrounding schools to attend, with the help of some amazing teachers from the city of Ottawa, and hosted some amazing workshops created and given by Youth for Youth, as well as provided a space for teachers to network, receive and give support, and learn.

I was insanely jealous of the amazing outcome that YSB’s HIV/AIDS Educators Andrea and Sonya organized and generated. My hat is off to them for creating such an amazing annual event. The Youth present were amazing too, sex positive, and queer friendly, inquisitive and outgoing; they cleared me out of safer sex supplies, nearly grabbed up all my safer sex information, and talked openly and proudly about sexuality, love and their relationships.

While the youth, teachers, info fair participants, and organizers present were all inspiring, my favorite part of the evening had to be the lunch! YSB had Subway cater their event! For those who know me, I practically live at Subway! I eat there so often I should really invest in shares or open my own franchise! I was so impressed with lunch I made sure to photograph my delicious sub and cookie!

To mark the beginning of World AIDS Awareness Week and the approach of World AIDS Day on December the 1^st, The Canadian AIDS Society (CAS) hosted ‘Light For Rights’ at the Human Rights Monument in downtown Ottawa on November the 24th.

Representatives from the Gatineau and Ottawa-area included the Bureau Régional D’action Sida, Bruce House, the AIDS Committee of Ottawa, Sandy Hill Community Health Centre, and the African and Caribbean Health Network, as well as CAS, and the Canadian Association for HIV Research. Speakers from each agency addressed different Human Rights violations impacting HIV+ people in our community, and I was asked to speak about HIV-criminalization. Below is an excerpt from my speech

“It’s difficult to stand up and speak about HIV Criminalization because whatever I have to say, it will not be enough. We are here, united on World AIDS Awareness Week, but divided on this issue. An issue that provokes emotional reactions, that digs up our racist and oppressive learned behavior, that challenges us on our privilege and our entitlement, our internalized homophobia and the lateral damage that we inflict on each other, this issue provokes cries of morality, public safety at the expense of other people's Human rights.  Some people here will want the Police to be their condom.

You might hear that this issue is too political, too controversial and divisive, that if you are working at a community organization, that supporting it could impact your funding. If your organization doesn't have a position statement against the Criminalization of HIV transmission, then I challenge you today: If you don't do the work, you don't deserve the funding.

I could stand here reading from my paper and list off all the reasons why HIV criminalization is bad for our public health. I can tell you the law doesn’t stop HIV transmission, therefore it’s an ineffective law. I can tell you the law is applied selectively, and unfairly. I can tell you having consensual sex doesn’t make you a registered sex-offender. What I will tell you is HIV stigma and discrimination is disgusting; and it’s rampant.

I’ve been HIV+ for over 6 years and I have been called ‘dirty’, ‘promiscuous’, and a host of other ‘insults’, but now I’m starting to hear some new ones: like ‘criminal’ and ‘murderer’. In response to that, I’d like to repeat what I heard one of my poz hero’s David Hoe say at the first rally against HIV Criminalization on Parliament Hill two years ago. “Does my HIV look like it’s murdering me?”

The truth is I’m not worried that my HIV is going to kill me. I’m not worried about my quality of life because I have a disease named HIV. I’m worried about my quality of life because of what that now means when it comes to accessing support that ensures my longevity.

It’s negotiating my health I’m worried about. I’m worried about what happens when I can’t trust Public Health, my Doctor, my AIDS Service Organization in supporting my issues around disclosure because of a very real fear of criminalization and how they document me?

I’m worried about what happens to me as an HIV activist and educator if I can’t speak freely about my experiences? I worry that those close to me who are engaged in high risk behavior won’t get support or testing. I’m worried that I’ll end up in jail…..”

One week later, the AIDS Committee of Ottawa hosted a second event at the Human Rights Monument to bookend World AIDS Awareness Week with the help of the Youth Services Bureau. This time, not only did I speak, but I hosted as well. Once again, the subject was the Human Rights Violation that is HIV-criminalization.

“As I was sitting down at my desk, staring at my computer screen, typing this speech, and my opening remarks, contemplating what it was exactly that I wanted to communicate, I heard about Steve Biron in an e-mail. I read about his charges, saw his name and picture published in the paper, his HIV-status disclosed, the call by Quebec Police to contact them if you had EVER had sexual contact with the accused, and it broke my heart. It broke my heart because I saw history repeated. It broke my heart because I know that man will receive no support around his HIV status in jail. It broke my heart because as an HIV+ man, I had to read and hear comments by people on Facebook, and in the comment section of the Quebec Journal, that this man was a quote ‘a murderer’, that having sex without disclosing is ‘like rape’, that HIV+ guys should have to get ‘branded’ so that other people are made aware of other people’s status, that ‘responsibility is always with the HIV+ person’. None of these things are true. Almost all of them came from gay identified men. My community.

I often talk to queer men about HIV-stigma and discrimination, and the conversation lapses immediately into a question of morality. Morality is relative. Discussing it is narcissistic. What I will discuss is the evidence and the science behind why HIV-criminalization of HIV non-disclosure is bad public health policy. Let’s start with one important fact. Criminalizing of HIV non-disclosure cannot be justified because it does not prevention HIV transmission. In fact, criminalization of HIV-non-disclosure undermines prevention efforts and endangers our public health. That makes laws supporting HIV criminalization a danger to our public health. Our health, which is a basic human right! Rights which include our right to privacy, our right to be innocent until proven guilty, rights that are being violated!”

To get involved in the fight against HIV-criminalization, join the Ontario Working Group On Criminal Law and HIV Exposure at www.ontarioaidsnetwork.on.ca/clhe and sign the petition demanding guidelines for prosecutors based on science, not fear and prejudice.

My Positivelite.com editor Brian Finch tipped me off that there was interest from 3rd parties in reproducing a previous blog post of mine entitled ‘Are We All Criminals’ about my experiences with HIV-criminalization and disclosure.

Shortly thereafter, I was contacted directly by Matt Mills, an editor of Xtra and a fierce supporter of ending HIV-Criminalization. Matt found the piece ‘courageous’ and valued its potential for creating an honest dialogue around the complexities of HIV-criminalization. After a brief phone conversation, during which he told me that ‘culpurative’ was not a word and that I had made it up (lol),  

I agreed to let him run it.

The responses to the piece once it was uploaded to www.xtra.ca were swift. In less than an hour, 8 people have already commented on it and my Facebook has become covered in remarks, my inbox full of reactions.  “Are we all criminals? No, we all aren't. You are, though” wrote N.H. from Mississauga on the Xtra site.  "People living with HIV have a legal duty to disclose their HIV status before engaging in behaviors that put another person at significant risk of serious bodily harm. Congratulations. Hope having this self-indulgent tripe published makes you feel better about yourself.”  

Sky from Toronto followed suit, commenting “I found it most interesting how this article tries to make the other guy out to be the bad guy and Michael the victim - it's exactly Michael's behavior that cause fear and stigma towards the HIV+ community.”

Others were more supportive. “It takes two to tango” wrote a gentleman named Dan, “but the HIV+ person is always the scapegoat if something goes wrong. The law as it stands is disgusting.”

“Wake up, guys!” wrote Jay. “1 in 4 of us in Toronto is poz. If you think you're only having sex with HIV-negative guys, you're wrong!”  

The only comment though that made me cry belongs to Danny from Baltimore in the United States. Danny has chosen to be celibate after receiving an HIV-positive diagnoses over four years ago.    

Imagine forsaking four years of sexual gratification, physical and emotional connection and intimacy, sexual health and well being, because you tested HIV-positive. Danny, if you read this, you don’t have to be alone. 

Regardless of status, you are entitled to great, mind blowing, awesome, hot, sex. If my article in any way re-enforced your views that sex is complicated, potentially liable and more trouble than its worth, then I really have done my HIV community a disservice as Sky from Toronto wrote. 

Being celibate is totally valid; if that’s what you truly want, but know that if you’re being celibate out of fear of rejection, fear of disclosure, or HIV-discrimination and stigma, that there are others out there who can help you work through those worries.

Find your local AIDS Service Organization, attend single mixers, connect with people online, talk to your doctor, no one should have to go it alone Danny. No one has the right to make you feel like you’re not entitled to celebrate and explore your sexuality. There is a whole world of hot guys out there who don’t care that you are HIV-positive. Go out there and show them a good time.

Tackling the misconception that being HIV+ means not having a future, the Magnet Party passed out fortune cookies, employed a palm reader, and hosted a table of petitions and campaign materials about making our future as positive gay men a brighter, less discriminator one.  

Despite the rain, ACO’s second quarter annual party for pos guys and the guys who love them pulled out a respectable amount of people thanks to strong word of mouth and a real need on the part of HIV+ guys to connect with others free of stigma and discrimination. It’s the day after, and people have been writing to me to share their thanks for the AIDS Committee of Ottawa hosting this event, and their thoughts about HIV.

“I noticed that you had posted an event at Swizzles for Poz guys”, wrote one fellow, “and I have lately been thinking that I have isolated myself too much over the past 8 years. I think it is time to do something before it is too late.” Another gentleman named George wrote to me saying "[I’m] negative myself. I met my first positive [guy on a] date and didn't handle it well…. I'd proudly introduce a positive man as my boyfriend [now]. I'm a scientist. I know the risks are negligible with safe sex.”

Thanks to everyone who made it out, and an extra special thanks to our celebrity DJ, Xpress/Voir Editor Guillaume Moffett, to the staff of Swizzles Bar, and to our special musical guest Jeremy Merrick! The next Magnet Party in Ottawa is slated to happen in March and even bigger surprises are in store! Check positivelite.com to keep up to date, or join the AIDS Committee of Ottawa’s Facebook page for the latest news!