SO here it is, December 29th, and we only have two days left until we jump into 2011!! And like most people, I find myself reflecting on the past year, the highs, (I quit smoking), the lows, (I started smoking again, but I quit drinking, almost 3 months sober now, that has to count for something) and the highlight moment of the year. Now I have been thinking what exactly is my highlight moment of the year, and what I get is a tie between two.

Highlight moment #1: My pick up truck broke down, I was driving back from visiting my sister and her sons in North Carolina and I threw a rod in one of the piston chambers creating a huge hole in my engine block, thus making it necessary to need a entire new engine. Now you going, “um Danny.. that doesn't sound like much of a highlight!!” But let me explain.

For me it was a huge highlight because my dad and I did all of the work on the truck ourselves. Pulled out the old engine, modified the new engine which was front wheel drive to fit with a rear wheel drive truck). The whole process took about 4 months, and it was the best 4 months I have had in many many years!! You see my dad and I had in the past 15 years grown many many miles apart, and we really didn't talk, didn't know how to talk to each other, there was always this awkward silence with us.

Well spending 3 to 4 days a week for 4 months straight under the hood of my truck forced us to talk, and it was amazing!! Here I was for all these years lamenting my lost relationship with my father, thinking we had nothing in common, nothing to talk about only to find that we did!! We like some of the same music, I mean who ever suspects that their dad is a Metallica fan?? And who would ever have thought that me, Danny the “rock star”   could change an engine?? Hell I didn't even think I could, but he taught me, showed me what to do, how to do it and I did it!!

I never would have thought that I would be so flipping happy to be up to my arm pits in oil, grease, and transmission fluid not to mention the gravel that gets lodged in your ass crack from sliding in and out from underneath the truck!! The point is my dad and I found ourselves again, it was like I was 8 years old again helping my dad change the brakes on my mom's Volkswagen Rabbit!! It was awesome!!

The best part is even though the work is done, and we are not spending that 3-4 days a week together, we are still talking and still  have a common ground!! I have my dad back, and that is more rock star that anything in this world!!

Highlight #2: Now in a summer post I told you about a HIV/AIDS Awareness fundraiser that I was asked to speak at, at which I spoke about the stigma of living with an HIV/AIDS diagnosis.

This is my other highlight of the year!! I was so shocked and humbled to be asked to speak, and realized at that moment that I am a TRUE advocate and activist. Standing up there in front of all those people, seeing their faces watching me, actually listening and taking in what I was saying, and the fact that one woman was so moved that she chose to get up after 20+ years of hiding and share her HIV/AIDS status with the people around her, made me realize that it is possible for anyone to make a difference in this battle.

This was one of the most proudest moments of my life!!

So in case you missed it the first time I posted it, Here is my speech, 5 Ton Pink Elephant. It is my favorite post of the year!!

Here is hoping you all have a happy and healthy new year. Stay strong and never stop dreaming, for only when we stop dreaming do we truly fail.

Thank you for reading!! XXOO Danny

Of late, I have been struggling (no grappling) with the extent of control I have over my life. As I noted in an earlier post, my of this reflection has been the result of some major changes in my life. And, I admit, my default mode has been to look to my HIV status as some means to account for -- if not find solace in -- my feelings of powerlessness.

After all, I am no longer twenty-five, I am no longer new to world of employment and I'm certainly not as well-established as I might have expected to be at this point in my life. Don't get me wrong, HIV aside I'm sure I'm hardly the first person to find myself in this situation -- but I refuse to resort to the cliche "mid-life" crisis scenario. Not only do I find it hackneyned, but I think it offers a generalization that covers everything from hair loss to (perhaps) the loss of intimacy in many thirty-to-forty year marital relationships.

My only point is that there is a fact (if you will) to the burdens of HIV as well as a fiction to which many of us so willingly attach ourselves. We see the billboards, we read the literature, and we live our lives -- in so many, many cases HIV is NOT the DEATH SENTENCE in the developing world that it once was. This seems a very dangerous claim in light of claims made during the most recent IAC in Vienna -- again, at the risk of seemingly overly apologetic, it is NOT. If anything, for those who eventually find themselves with better access to HIV medications and more understanding and sympathetic governments and administrations, I would hope that you will find some wisdom in what I'm trying to lay out here.

Our health is, I would hope most agree, a multifaceted and complex thing that encompasses not only our CD4 counts (among other things), but also remains a product of a complicated series of psychological processes -- many over which we as individuals DO EXERCISE SOME CONTROL. Personal experience has demonstrated to me that HIV can become a burden at our own behest. In fact, I will go as far as to say that I have acquaintances who are willing to claim that they are "disabled" when in fact they consider it appropriate to do so.

These issues point to a very complex aspect of what it is to be HIV positive. Again, I am not attempting to reflect on the very real and devastating effects of HIV on a global level. I am pointing to the fact that what I have referred to as the "shackles" of HIV are also powerful psychological embodiments that can be called into play -- at times beyond our control, and at times that we can consciously invoke for any number of reasons. I once has a colleague (who will remain anonymous) who would joking state "ouch, my HIV hurts..." I think, in many ways, this sums up my argument perfectly.

We can never lose sight of the catastrophic effects of HIV -- both here in Canada and throughout the world. Yet I believe that we need also to take account of a subtler, and possibly just as insidious toll that HIV can take on us -- both consciously and subconsciously. If there is any validity to the claim that HIV need no longer be a death sentence, our psychological resources and supports remain equally important. I have discovered this on my own -- but I know that I am not alone.

So I won’t be around for a little while.  My partner and I are off on a trans-Atlantic jaunt, spending two weeks in Scotland, one in Wales and the rest in the south.  We won’t be back until August 25.

Travelling seems so much more complicated than it used to be.  I’m taking five devices – my iPhone, an iPhone battery pack, my Nikon D90, my Lumix pocket camera and a battery operated shaver, all of which require their own cables.  Not one single incidence of overlap, yikes!  This is more complicated than trying to figure out the plot of Inception. Then you have to worry about plugs – they’re three-pin in the UK rather than two-pin here, and whether you need; voltage adapters;  again voltage is different in the UK, but most small devices operate on dual voltage, it seems, so we’re all right there.

Then there’s how to avoid iPhone roaming charges, knowing how horrendous they can be, so I bought a 75MB data plan for use over there.  And car insurance and health insurance. And extra memory cards for the cameras.  And arrange a house-sitter for   the pups.  They’re not coming with us.  (Did I tell you I was the master of the obvious?)                              

Jeez. I remember when going away meant throwing a few clothes in a bag.  Once I went to Europe with just a knapsack on my back. No more.

Anyway, because I’m sure you’ll miss the dogs and their Furry Friends Friday appearances as much as I will, two of the brood are featured here today.  Peggy was sulking at the time I took these, muttering something about abandonment.  So she’s not pictured just Dougall (above) and Dudley (below).

I’m planning to at least attempt to post here while on the road.  The scenery should be spcetacular, so there will be photos. We’re staying for the first week on the banks of Loch Ness, so if we see the monster thingy, Postivelite.com will be first to know.  Now how’s that for a scoop waiting to happen?

Bye for now.