This article by Liam Murphy @liamwaterloo first appeared in the UK’s FS Magazine, a publication of GMFA, here.
Blowing, sucking, swallowing, going down, giving head, oral, fellatio (if you’re fancy). These are all words and phrases for a fundamental staple of a gay man’s sex life (other than Veeting) – the blow job. Sucking dick may seem like a straightforward sex act but it’s not always as simple as bobbing merrily up and down with your mouth hole. It can require a certain amount of skill to perform a blow job, as well as receiving one. They don’t call it paid employment for nothing, honey (I may have got that quote wrong). We look deep into the multi-faceted world of fellatio with ‘Blow jobs: a written oral guide’.
Some gay men love blow jobs. Whether they are the sucker or the sucked, their sex life just wouldn’t be the same without a little oral indulgence.
24-year-old Cecil tells us that going down on a guy is one of his favourite (sexual) things to do. “I’d have to say the best thing is looking up and making eye contact – that connection is pretty amazing. It makes me feel like a slut, which is a feeling I rather enjoy. Seeing the pleasure I can give the other guy, it’s quite a powerful thing. I really get off on making him moan. The only downside is that I have a pretty small mouth, so sometimes my eyes are definitely bigger than it. I do enjoy a challenge though.”
Kieran, 25, says that his love of blow jobs centres on being the receiver of them. “Honestly, it’s the ego trip. The physical sensation is great, but it’s the mental trip that really does it. Having someone drop to their knees in front of me, undo my trousers, seeing their face light up and smile is such a turn on.”
Kieran goes on to explain exactly what he loves. “Laying somebody down on the bed, their head hanging over the side – the best position for deep throating – and slowly sliding your dick down into their throat, seeing them take it, the bulge in their neck, the tears in their eyes, it’s all such a turn on. To know they are giving themselves over to you entirely, really submitting to you and giving you the trust. It’s a cliché, but I’m tall and well-endowed so people tend to enjoy giving me head.”
On the other end of the scale, some guys just aren’t into mouth-hole massages and actively avoid heading south.
“It’s the smell and feeling, and partly my rather powerful gag reflex,” explains Simon, 27. “The first blow job I gave, some ten years ago now, ended with a rather unglamorous vomiting incident, after he came in my mouth unexpectedly. I’ve tried a few times since if I really like the guy, but it only lasts a few seconds before I start to feel queasy and I have to stop. I usually just outright refuse.”
Receiving a blow job also leaves Simon unimpressed. “I just find the sensation boring and any enjoyment is usually due to context and roleplaying-type power dynamics, but there are other things I’d much rather be doing. In fact, I got my first blow job before I gave my first one, and actually fell asleep during it.”
19-year-old Phil says that sucking cock just isn’t erotic. “It doesn’t disgust me; it just doesn’t turn me on or anything when I suck cock. I dislike giving blow jobs because I literally just get bored and my jaw aches after about 30 seconds. I find no pleasure in it. With my first partner I used to enjoy doing it, but as we did it more and more I just got bored and enjoyed it a lot more when receiving head.”
GET A HEAD
So what is it that can make or break (well, hopefully not break) a blow job? Technique? Trajectory? A cushion for one’s knees?
“If there’s something I can’t stand,” reveals 35-year-old Peter, “It’s over use of the tongue – licking is fine but it’s not really contributing to the main aim. Also, a lot of dramatics winds me up, a la porn films – there’s more focus on pleasure and less on unnecessary noise.”
Kieran thinks variation is key to good head. “You need to switch up the blow job, otherwise it all gets a bit samey – and unfortunately leads to diminishing returns. Different angles – me standing with them on their knees, seated, laying down - all allow for different depths of penetration. A few really talented people I knew used to take a drink of water every now and then. It causes a temperature change that kind of ‘resets’ the whole blow job experience and switches it up so that you get a different sensation. A couple have tried the Polo mint trick (having something minty at the same time as the water) which can make it tingly, but it’s not for me – menthol isn’t something I want to experience on my cock.”
“Slurping and teeth are the ultimate enemy of anyone with a girthier penis,” Kieran goes on to say. “Cover your front teeth with your lips boys! It’s shocking how many people don’t do this – you’re not a beaver stripping wood. Being too aggressive is a sucking turn off too. Going at it way too hard and aggressive like you’re in a porn film – calm it down. I don’t want to think about you snapping my banjo string.”
“There’s one mistake that a lot of people receiving the blow job make,” says Chris, 33, “and that’s pushing and holding down the head down of the guy giving it. I understand they want to go deeper because it feels better, but we’ve also got to breathe. It happened to me one of the first times I sucked off a guy and it just panicked me. I was struggling for air, it hurt my throat and I couldn’t get up. It really put me off doing it for a long time. The person giving the blow job has to enjoy it too; it’s not all about the one who’s receiving it!”
GIVING A BLOW JOB
Giving a blow job can be a thankless task. There’s breathing, gagging and mouth-moisture issues to contend with. Try these tips to make the experience better for both of you.
Mix it up – the same repetitive motion, like most procedural crime dramas, can get a little dull and you may soon find his hard on is gone. Try different variations of speed, sucking and licking, so that his cock won’t know what’s coming next. Like an episode of Game of Thrones (we watch too much TV).
Think outside the blow job - a good blow job doesn’t just involve your mouth on his dick, there’s all sorts of fun areas down there to get his penis pumping. Lick his balls, gently rub his perineum (the bit between his balls and arse) or reach up and play with his chest and nipples. Or slap it across your face. Whatever you’re both into.
Read the signs – if he’s wincing, flinching or screaming “JESUS CHRIST STOP, THAT HURTS, PLEASE JUST STOP!”, then it probably means he’s not enjoying what you’re doing. Try easing up or slowing down your technique, or switch it up completely. Maybe even just ask what he likes.
GETTING A BLOW JOB
I bet you thought you could just lay back and get ‘serviced’, didn’t you? Well that’s lazy and a little bit selfish. It’s not all about you, y’know? If you’re getting a good blow job, you want them to come back, right?
Tame the beast – don’t thrust too hard (at least at first) and hammer away at his mouth like an angry dentist. It can put the guy off wanting to continue or even scare him off. His mouth and throat will probably take a while to get used to your cock, so start gently and respond to the way he reacts to you. If you’re both comfortable you can enjoy the experience for longer.
Keep it clean – if you’re expecting his oral talents, the least you can do is run a damp cloth over your cock beforehand. Take a shower and wash carefully – not forgetting the surrounding areas seeing as he’s getting up close and personal. You don’t want him to gag before he has put it in his mouth.
Let him know what you like – if he’s grazing your dick with his incisors, there’s no point gritting your teeth and bearing it. Politely let him know that he’s grating your foreskin (there’s no need to be mean about it, though). If you’re enjoying what he’s doing, then a well-timed grunt, satisfied gasp or “fucking hell this is amazing” can motivate him to do more of what you like.
WHAT’S THE RISK
“I got chlamydia in my throat once from giving a blow job,” admits Cecil, “at least I think that’s how. I didn’t even know I had it until I went for my regular sexual health check-up. I do like to deep throat, so maybe that’s how.”
Is Cecil’s STI a peril of the job or was he just unlucky?
“Blow jobs are low risk but not absolutely no risk,” explains Matthew Hodson, gay men’s health charity GMFA’s Chief Executive. “There have been a few cases where people have been diagnosed with HIV where oral sex is the only credible route of infection, but these are pretty rare. The risk of transmission from oral sex is certainly much lower than it is for anal sex, whether you’re a top or a bottom.
“This is partly because saliva has natural properties which protect against a range of viruses. HIV is a relatively weak virus so in most cases saliva will disable it. The lining of the arse is very delicate and provides an efficient route for the virus to enter the body, which is why anal sex is the most common means of HIV transmission for gay and bisexual men.
“The risk is even lower if you don’t get cum in your mouth. If someone does cum in your mouth, it probably doesn’t make much difference whether you swallow or spit. It’s likely that any cuts or abrasions in the mouth, for example, if you have a sore throat, make oral sex a bit riskier.”
Giving a good blow job without gagging is a skill that we aren’t born with, we have to learn. Here are some tips that could help you:
Alcohol tightens the throat muscles so it’s best to avoid it (especially spirits) if you want to relax your throat.
Drinking orange juice can suppress the gag reflex. If you feel like you’re going to gag when you’ve got a cock in your mouth – swallow. Don’t worry, it won’t go down.
Breathe through your nose. Exhale before taking his cock in your mouth. It will increase your oral capacity by about 33%.
Don’t just use your mouth – use your hand as well. You can use your hand as a stopper to ensure that you control the amount of cock you take. Wank him as you work him, or to play with his balls, arsehole, nipples or perineum.
SUCK DICK LIKE A PRO
Anyone can suck on a dick, but these secret techniques will help you blow like a pro...
One of the tricks to deep throating is the position. The cock usually curves upwards and the throat curves downwards, so the more you can get the two to work together the better. Probably the best position is to lay on your back with your head dangling over the edge of the bed, just enough so that your throat is in a straight line. This means that he can insert his cock, avoiding your soft palate (and therefore avoiding the gag reflex).
Another trick is when his dick gets to a point where it’s beginning to feel uncomfortable or where you’re gonna gag, then swallow and it should feel better.
The butterfly flutter
Get the head of his dick into your mouth (your lips just past of his ridge) and create enough suction to keep him there without holding him. Now start gently flicking the tip of his cock with your tongue. Remember, you’re flicking, not licking, so adjust accordingly. Keep this up for as long as you can.
The lollipop lick
With your man sitting in an elevated position and you on your knees in front of him, lift his hard cock to reveal his balls. With your tongue find the underside of his balls. Now, while resting his balls on your wet tongue, lick in an upward motion to the very tip of his cock. Repeat this several times, like you are licking a lollipop or ice cream.
Wrap your wet lips around the ridge at the head of his cock, and then twirl your lips by moving your head. This works because this ridge is one of the most sensitive areas of his cock. By sucking on this area you can really drive him crazy. This technique is also great to get him hard in the first place.
For more tips on how to better your sex life, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex.
For more information on STIs and how to prevent them, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/stis.
This article was taken from FS #147: CHEMSEX EXPOSED. PDF: CLICK HERE