Subscribe to our RSS feed

Popular News Stories

  • Fuck poz guys!
  • BareBackRT.com  - the interview
  • Dead porn stars society: HIV heroes of the arts:  (6)
  • Tom Hanks in Philadelphia Changed my Life
  • Canadian AIDS Society’s AGM and PHA Forum in Ottawa: some scholarships for HIVers available

Pets

Apr02

Not saying no

Thursday, 02 April 2015 Written by // Positively Dating Categories // Dating, Gay Men, Pets, Lifestyle, Living with HIV, Population Specific , Sex and Sexuality , Positively Dating

Our Positively Dating has a new male in his life. But it hasn’t stopped him from no longer saying “no” to others.

Not saying no

I have been living my life even more like a hermit since becoming a single dad of the sweetest pitbull pup. I finally had a real excuse not to go out - “Oh I’m sorry I have to go home and walk the dog.” I would stay at home alone with my trusty pup and all was right with the world. Well…all was right except for my love life. 

Roughly two months ago, when we had our first glimmer of nice weather and, before we got another load of snow dumped on us, I caught a bit pf spring fever. I made the decision to not say no. I was going to accept any and all invitations and re-join the normal human race. No matter how much I want to stay home and cuddle with Mr. Bingley (my pitt). 

Soon after I made this declaration, one of my favorite people at my crossfit gym invited all the gay boys there (which is a lot) to go to this dance club for his birthday. It was called Brüt. Take whatever imagery you have in your mind that the name evokes, and you pretty much have the essence of the party. Now this was typically not my scene, but I jumped at the chance and had an amazing time. There were half naked sweaty boys dancing all around me, how couldn’t I have an amazing time? I was even cajoled to take of my shirt, which I promptly put back on in 30 minutes, but I was still proud none the less! 

Later, further resisting the charms of another evening on my couch with Mr. Bingley, I accepted an invitation to The Eagle - New York’s leather bar. Again, not my normal choice, but I found myself letting go and having fun. I believe I may be the only guy in NYC that doesn’t own a harness.  Come to think of it, even my dog has one! 

And then two weeks ago, I found myself at a party in Brooklyn called “Horse Meat Disco.” While I spent the night dancing with my friends, I noticed this shockingly hot blonde bearded muscle guy eyeing me up and down. My drunk-ass friends - who have no rhythm - were unintentionally cock blocking him with what can only be loosely described as dancing. Luckily for me he was persistent and he found me. As if his slightly gingerish beard, blue eyes and insanely muscular body weren’t enough, he was British!! We started talking. Now, this is where the wheels came off the horse for me… 

Sometimes I shouldn’t be allowed to open my mouth.  It came up like verbal diarrhea,  how much I love the Brits and how obsessed I am with Jane Austen. I told him that I named my pitbull after a Jane Austen character. And to add insult to injury, I even showed him my Jane Austen quote tattoo. He smiled and said that his mother lives in Bath (where Jane Austen lived!) and right then and there I made him give me his number. 

I don’t know what took over me. I think it was in my seeing my upcoming nuptials on the very land that Jane Austen wrote that made me go a step too far. Again, sometimes I shouldn’t be allowed to talk or more importantly, text. Yes I texted him before I left the club and he didn’t respond. Fine. Ok. Honestly, I was just happy that it happened in the first place. Maybe a party called “Horse Meat Disco” isn’t the best place to go husband hunting. Hmmm? 

But I won’t let that stop me from not saying no. I mean, I didn’t say no when two insanely sexy men from Montreal with broken English, who were in New York for the Black Party, asked me to have a threesome with them. I also didn’t say no when that threesome lasted an additional three times. Let’s just say that I am now a BIG believer in not saying no. You just never know what might happen. 

(Note to self: Visit Montreal.  Soon.) 

Arts and Entertainment Section

Activism Section

Current Affairs Section

Events Section

Features and Interviews Section

  • Military justice revisited

    Military justice revisited

    His case reopened, Lt. Colonel Ken Pinkela talks to Editor Bob Leahy about why there may be light at the end of the tunnel in the fight to find him innocent of the charge that he engaged in unprotected sex with another officer while HIV-positive.
  • Derek Canas's story

    Derek Canas's story

    He was infected as an infant via a blood transfusion, but not diagnosed with AIDS until 16 years later. Derek, now founder of the #endthestigma campaign, tells his story to Samantha for PositiveLite.com
  • Is PrEP right for me?

    Is PrEP right for me?

    In a video interview, PositiveLite.com talks with Ryan Lisk and Mason McColl of the AIDS Committee of Toronto about the agency’s new education campaign to start conversations and share information about the use of Truvada as PrEP in the Canadian context.

Health Section

International Section

  • Insurance trends for HIV-positive people

    Insurance trends for HIV-positive people

    Research from UK firm “Unusual Risks” says that the majority of people living with HIV take less than four days off work a year but still find it hard to get income protection
  • [In]justice at its Worst

    [In]justice at its Worst

    Our Montréal correspondent — and former lawyer — Ken Monteith rants about the latest HIV criminalization case from south of the border in which the accused man was given a 60-year jail term
  • Military justice revisited

    Military justice revisited

    His case reopened, Lt. Colonel Ken Pinkela talks to Editor Bob Leahy about why there may be light at the end of the tunnel in the fight to find him innocent of the charge that he engaged in unprotected sex with another officer while HIV-positive.

Legal Section

  • Insurance trends for HIV-positive people

    Insurance trends for HIV-positive people

    Research from UK firm “Unusual Risks” says that the majority of people living with HIV take less than four days off work a year but still find it hard to get income protection
  • [In]justice at its Worst

    [In]justice at its Worst

    Our Montréal correspondent — and former lawyer — Ken Monteith rants about the latest HIV criminalization case from south of the border in which the accused man was given a 60-year jail term
  • Military justice revisited

    Military justice revisited

    His case reopened, Lt. Colonel Ken Pinkela talks to Editor Bob Leahy about why there may be light at the end of the tunnel in the fight to find him innocent of the charge that he engaged in unprotected sex with another officer while HIV-positive.

Lifestyle Section

Living with HIV Section

Media Section

Opinion Pieces Section

  • Mental health and an HIV diagnosis

    Mental health and an HIV diagnosis

    Toronto poz guy Josh says “I don’t think it comes as any surprise to those experiencing a recent diagnosis, but finding out you have HIV can take a toll on your mental health.” Read what he says to do about it.
  • My virus has a first name

    My virus has a first name

    Brian Finch and Daniel Uy trade stories about being sick - and naming their viruses like hurricanes
  • Hello my name is Tom. Fancy a date?

    Hello my name is Tom. Fancy a date?

    “Ever since being diagnosed HIV-positive nearly three years ago, my dating game has changed or completely disappeared to put it more accurately. I actually can’t remember the last time I went on a date, I can’t even remember the last time I had sex."

Population Specific Section

  • Mental health and an HIV diagnosis

    Mental health and an HIV diagnosis

    Toronto poz guy Josh says “I don’t think it comes as any surprise to those experiencing a recent diagnosis, but finding out you have HIV can take a toll on your mental health.” Read what he says to do about it.
  • Take two

    Take two

    UK poz guy Alex Sparrowhawk goes in front of the cameras for a promotional film for the Terrence Higgins Trust
  • The Fourth of July invasion

    The Fourth of July invasion

    New York City poz guy Felix Garmendia joins the Fire Island drag queen invasion as Mexican artist Frida Kahlo and says” Frida taught me that there can be beauty and indeed TRIUMPH in what appears to be a broken body”

Sex and Sexuality Section

  • Hello my name is Tom. Fancy a date?

    Hello my name is Tom. Fancy a date?

    “Ever since being diagnosed HIV-positive nearly three years ago, my dating game has changed or completely disappeared to put it more accurately. I actually can’t remember the last time I went on a date, I can’t even remember the last time I had sex."
  • Risk for me and risk for you

    Risk for me and risk for you

    Our Montreal correspondent Ken Monteith delves into personal risk assessment, and emerges with a fairy tale all his own.
  • Too much sex?

    Too much sex?

    Being poz and sex positive in New York City in the 90s, Felix Garmendia was asked by the Advocate magazine back then “how much sex is too much?”. Now writing, for PositiveLite.com he provides an update.

MarketPlace