I think I am riding on a wave of good Karma and if that’s true, I am really enjoying the ride! It’s not a tsunami wave, it’s a simple, gentle wave with small things happening with large rewards.

Today, I went downtown for the raising of the Pride flag at City Hall. This is the first time I’ve done this, and I’ve lived here for the better part of 32 years. I went mostly because I saw a photo opportunity  - and I did get a few good ones. When I was wrapping up, I looked over my shoulder and there was a young guy watching me.

He began to tell me, “This has got to be one of the most powerful statements any city can make”, pointing to the flag. There it was, flying next to the city flag and the Canadian flag. There was another flag that he thought was some sort of British flag. I felt I had to tell him it was the Ontario Provincial flag. He went on to say, what an experience it was that I could be there taking a picture of that flag, proudly flying next to all the others, only in Canada. In other countries it wouldn’t be celebrated in the same way.

This whole experience made me think back to 2011 Toronto Pride, I had taken a photo of the Pride flag with the Canadian flag (see below) that I was so proud to have taken. It was seen by a writer who wanted to use it in a story he wrote. It was an honour to have it included in a story about Pride.  I agreed to it right away. I have since donated a copy of it for a silent auction at a local fundraiser last year.

In a true “social media experience” I saw a link on my facebook that led me to another link for a site that one of my contacts was following called Fierté Canada Pride. Right away I noticed their profile photo, I clicked on it to see a larger version of it and sure enough, it was the same photo of the two flags. I thought about other photographers I’ve met who would be upset someone used their photos without permission or compensation.  For me, if it’s for an HIV cause or to promote Pride, then please use it. I volunteer to do all photos for my local AIDS Service Organizations for most of our events. It’s a way of giving back for a lot of what they have done for me. I sent the site a private message letting them know that it was my photo and that it looked great on their site and to enjoy it.

So giving in this way is a large reward for me. Karma, what you give out, you will get back. Beautiful!

The most positive Karma experience happened about a week and a half ago.  I was out taking pictures at the local University Arboretum. I had been there for an hour or so, just sitting at the picnic table trying to catch the birds flying in and away from the feeder. I noticed a few people coming through the area. I talked to a couple of them, just a hello.

Then I noticed a couple  of guys. They looked around, then sat down on a bench to the right of me. They were around my age. I had this feeling that maybe I knew them as they fit the general description of a couple of guys I once chummed around with. One was a friend I had hoped to reconnect with, someone I hadn’t seen in about 15 years. I had made a commitment at a recent retreat back in February to try to re-connect. I had found an old phone number, but misplaced it.

So, after about 10-15 minutes, I decided to pack up and go say hello, see if it was that old friend. I turned around to see they were on their way out of the area, so I had to hurry. I managed to catch up and I called out the friend’s name. He turned around and said, “pardon me?” I said his name again and he looked at me. Then he said, “don’t tell me, give me a minute”. It was him, and like me, a little older a little more grey. He lives in another nearby city; we hadn’t seen each other in maybe 15 years and there we were, in the least of all expected places. I go to this place so often. We tried to catch up but he was in a hurry to go somewhere, said he had an appointment, he gave me his cell number and I was to call him.

This has to be the most genuine form of Karma ever, or was it “fate”? Could they be the same thing?  To move forward now I realize that I will need to do some apologizing to him. I can’t go into the reason for the separation but I wasn’t the person I am today. I didn’t know or use empathy or compassion very well then, hell most times I can’t say I had any awareness of it. I am aware that it may not be the same friendship it was before, but it could be. We can’t get into the same trouble  - or can we?

I spend a lot of time on the internet, but I am trying to get out more. Now that the weather is cooperating it’s been easier. Photography has become a social affair; I get to meet other photographers or people asking what I’m taking pictures of and they share stories of their own. One gentleman and his wife last night suggested I join the seniors’ centre, they have a photography club and I could win the photo of the week. I do qualify, you need to be 55 and over, and I am over.

So I’m trying to put a finger on what it is I’m doing and I don’t see many great things. I think a lot of it is just staying positive, avoiding the negatives. If you want things to add up in life, avoid the negatives. I have seen how people treat me by the way I treat them, I do it all so differently now. I made many bad choices in my life and tasted the bad Karma on those occasions, so yes, the good Karma is working for me now.

So I’ll sign off here and since Pride season is kicking off around the world, Happy Pride everyone.

I was lying in bed sweating, body aching all over. Sharp pains, burning sensations radiating throughout my stomach, I wanted to die. I was making deals with both God and the Devil. Please let it stop, please. I had the Norovirus. 

Yes I am being a bit dramatic, but oh my, it was horrible. I thought the diarrhea I get from having HIV/taking HIV medications was bad but this was insane. I was surprised I didn’t drop dead from instant dehydration.  I live with my best friend and her husband. He had it the weekend before; we thought he had really bad food poisoning, we were wrong. Then my friend got it and I got the lovely virus the next day.

The stomach pains were intense, they were almost as bad as the stomach pains I had when I had appendicitis. The only thing I was thankful about was, the stomach pains with Norovirus weren’t constant, they were off and on. I remember missing food,  and oh how I love food. My daily iced capp, from Tim Hortons. A can of Pepsi dancing across my tongue. I couldn’t even keep water down. The Norovirus is the flu on crack. Evil bastard! 

I finally started feeling better a couple of days ago. I ate five popsicles that day. They were magically delicious! I took my first lick and, oh my word, the flavor! It was amazing! I shoved that popsicle in my mouth and went to town on it. It reminds me of the first time I knew I was gay…. Hehehe. Thankfully I am back to eating normally. I love you, food! 

Before I contracted that evil, sinister Norovirus, I started going to yoga. It’s called Gayish yoga, it’s geared towards the gay community but of course anyone can go. I convinced my friend to go with me. Actually I didn’t convince her, she is always up for anything. I swear I could say I am going to jump off a downtown building with a parachute, wanna join? And she would reply "of course!"

I found the class listed on a local gay sports organizations website. It said it was beginner to intermediate yoga. 

Beginner to intermediate? Bullshit! My friend has been to many yoga classes over the years. We are on our yoga mats, sweat dripping between our faces. I look over to her and her legs and arms are in positions I didn’t know are possible. She looks at me and says, “This is the most intense yoga class I have ever been to!” I collapse and think to myself, thank god, I thought I was just really horrible at this.

Then I look over and I see this gorgeous man. Great body, sexy face and he’s wearing short shorts. I mean SHORT! They were shorter than my boxer briefs. We are in one of the warrior poses, I don’t remember which one, I was trying not to pass out. We turn to the left so I am staring at the back of gorgeous man, and what do I see? I see his left ball. That’s right, his left nut is out and about. The hazards of wearing short shorts, I guess. 

Even though this yoga class kicked my ass, I loved it! It was challenging, very challenging. The instructor is great, he is very engaging and makes the class very fun, even though I felt like I may die at any moment.

My friend and I have been to two of the classes so far. I didn’t go yesterday since I am still getting my energy back from that bastard call the Norovirus. I really wanted to go this week because I would have to go by myself. I am usually chicken shit and won’t do things by myself. I get extremely uncomfortable, awkward and stressed out. I really wanted to challenge myself.  Step outside my box and put myself out there.  This all relates back to my issues with self worth, which I have talked about in previous blog posts. 

I was bullied a lot in school and had a tumultuous child hood. Sexual abuse, alcoholic father, mother who hid at work. Needless to say it had a huge impact on me. I went through a group therapy program last year and it helped immensely but I am a work in progress - but a work in progress moving forward. I am extremely proud of myself. I’ve done a lot of work on myself in the last year and I plan to keep working on myself. For once in my life I finally feel like I’m worth it, I deserve it. I’ve realized that I can do this in small ways, such as taking a yoga class, trying to meet new people. One step at a time. 

Some great news for me, I am going to California at the end of April with my friends. It’s been a long time since I have been on a week long vacation and four years since I last went to California. We are going to spend four nights in Palm Springs, two nights in Laguna Beach and two nights in L.A. I am super duper excited! I can’t wait to be floating in the pool, a tasty drink in hand, soaking up the sun. 

The way I see it the Province should pay for my trip because medically it is necessary. I have extremely low Vitamin D levels, so I could say I have to go to California for the sunshine; there is no other option. If only that was true.  (I will keep on dreaming.) 

Sometimes when I read back on my blog posts, I feel like my thoughts are all over the place. I wonder if people reading them see the same thing.  I begin to question myself.  But then I realize, that’s me, that’s how my brain works. Blogging for me is therapeutic, it allows me to get those thoughts out of my head and sort them out.        

Last year I wrote a blog called “My Pets Fly” in response to my fellow writers here at PositiveLite.com who wrote about their dogs for “Furry Friends Friday”. I wanted to write something but I don't have a dog or a cat. I don’t like to “stoop and scoop” the poop nor do I have a desire to clean litter boxes. At my age, stooping isn’t an easy task anymore, unless I see money. 

When I was first diagnosed with HIV my doctor asked if I had a cat and informed me that there is a parasite in feline feces called toxoplasmosis that can be harmful to people with a compromised immune system. This isn’t the only reason I don’t have a cat, I don’t hate them, I just don’t like them. 

I have several friends who have cats. Some will let me know they have one but I'm not to worry, it doesn't like new people or doesn't like men. They tell me that it will be hiding under the bed or will stay in another room. But as soon as I'm inside the house the cat will come right up to me, and worse, it rubs up against me. If I sit down on the couch, it will jump up and want to sit in my lap. I pick it up and put it down on the floor and it will jump back up. This will go on for quite a while until the owner puts a stop to it, somehow. 

My pets are outside all the time, out amongst nature. I think we’re a strange pairing. These pets fly, I’m 58 and have never flown anywhere. But they don’t need to be fed, walked or taken care of by me.  

Last winter I was able to get out hiking around town alot but this year, it takes a real effort. One day I might head up to the Arboretum at the University, another day I’ll just hang out at the river and photograph the birds, ducks, seagulls or geese. They all look the same so I can make believe each one is the same one from the day before. 

One in particular is the Hooded Merganser pictured here. For the last three winters there has been one down on the river hanging out with the Mallard ducks, Canada Geese and seagulls that live here year round. Like I said, I can't say if it’s the exact same duck from the year before but each October one will show up and I've been snapping photos of him and many of his amusing mannerisms. He can be quite comical at times.

All pets need a name so I have given him the name Marty. Now I'm considering having a talk with my daughter-in-law about writing a story based on him. She wants to write children’s stories so maybe this would work. 

Marty has become quite the subject for conversation. Daily I am asked what kind of duck he is. Sometimes I meet up with other photographers or just people who come to feed the ducks and when they spot him they are always curious where he came from. I’m becoming very knowledgeable about nature, ducks, and birds. I need a life methinks. It is a way to meet new people, keeps my mind working and hopefully I get a little exercise. 

When spring rolls around, several more Hooded Mergansers can be found, males as well as some females. When the males pair up with a female, they aren't as friendly around the other ducks on the river, they keep to themselves and don't come close enough for me to get many good photographs. I haven't seen any baby ones yet, they are usually gone by then. Maybe one year they will stay all year like the Common Mergansers do. I've included a picture of them above as well. 

It takes a lot of standing in one place, watching and hoping for a different shot. I nearly froze trying to get the ones I've included here. 

Last June I wrote about some photographic opportunities that were about to come my way and how I was looking forward to them. The truth is that since then photography has been taking up a lot of my time. 

I participated in the art show I mentioned but no sales or inquiries came from it. I did get a paying assignment though. A company hired me to submit photos for their new website, some that would rotate at the top of the webpage. From that job I found out about a workshop called "'Good Stories Need Great Photography" facilitated by a husband and wife, an editor and photographer from National Geographic. (The editor was responsible for the Titanic issue last April.) The purpose of the workshop was to link photographers with non-profits to show how a collection of photos can be put together in a video format that can speak better than a page of written words. I especially liked the message I got from it about doing unpaid work: "the photographer is not the person who doesn't get paid." 

Another project I was involved in last June was at my local ASO (AIDS Committee of Guelph and Wellington County). We were trying to find graffiti that contained homophobic messages. I had a two year head start on others as I had been taking photos of graffiti around town for about two and a half years. It was enlightening and encouraging that we failed to find as much homophobic graffiti as we thought we might. We ended up photographing the positive messages as well which produced a broader range of material. On November 22nd we had the wrap-up meeting where the slideshow and the resulting book were unveiled. My work was on the covers. Most of the shots from the book can be found on flickr.com here.

I have made it known to my ASO that I will take pictures at all events and activities as my donation to the agency. 

World AIDS Day activities constituted a busy time for me. An eatery/bakery here in Guelph made Red Ribbon Cookies that we handed out around the city to promote HIV awareness. I was able to take pictures on three of those occasions. Some of them may find their way into our local newspaper as its is doing a story about World AIDS Day and were interested in using our photos. 

The other ASO I am associated with, ACCKWA (AIDS Committee of Cambridge, Kitchener, Waterloo and Area) had an Art Show and Auction as part of their World AIDS Day Gala, where some of my photos were shown. I also donated some photos to their WAD wrap-up dance and silent auction to be held on the 8th of December. 

I was finally able to show my friend who has shown his work years ago some of what I was doing. He hated much of my nature shots and graffiti, but I have some that are a bit more abstract which he liked. He told me I need to put together a collection, have them professionally framed and that I need to join a gallery to show them. The problem I'm having with doing it is the cost. It isn't a cheap venture, so it will take time because it has to be done right. 

I don't think I'm going to get filthy rich any time soon but I am having fun – and it keeps me busy. I know what I need to do to find work, how to approach non-profits and work with them to create something that illustrates what they do to help people. I must remember that they do sometimes have budgets for this kind of thing. I would never want to drain them but I'm sure I could work with them to make it affordable for them. 

I have started to put together a portfolio and a resume. It surprised me how much work is recorded there, most volunteer but that can work to my advantage. I have two knowledgeable people willing to help me along too -  my friend Richard and my PositiveLite.com editor, Bob Leahy. Both have many years between them in the art world. Bob, I discovered, judges several photography contests each year, I have been asking him for feedback and he has been brutally honest and I appreciate it. He has suggested that I enter some photography contests and pit my work against others, to get better feedback. So if anyone hears of any, let me know! 

Accompanying this post are some of the pictures I contributed to the book, “Challenging Homophobia & Building Resilience Through Graffiti Photography”. The one that says “Screw Gender, Go Love” became the cover for the book. 

As my plans to venture into "freelance" photography progress, this time of year is the best to put together a colourful portfolio. 

Ahhhhh, Fall is finally here again in all its colourful glory. My absolute favourite time of the year, hands down. The humidity and excessive heat is finally gone. We're one step away from winter, I'm hoping it will be a slow progression. It's back to dressing in layers. I got my flu shot; I think I'm ready if it makes an early appearance, so bring it on. 

I had a touchy situation the day before my blood work so I'm hoping my counts haven't gone down. I was blindsided, didn't see it coming, again I got stressed and angry. So, still I am being tested, I'm fighting it with people and things that give me comfort. 

But writing isn't one of them. I have been having a real problem with writer's block, I get half way through something and then read it back and its just a bunch of ramblings. If they were handwritten they would resemble nothing more than chicken scratch. My handwriting used to be a strong point for me in my school days. 

To tell the truth, my mind and time have been taken up by photography. I did complete my first paid photo job, nice! The photos were for a website; they wanted several photos that would rotate at the top of their homepage. I submitted about 200 possibilities for consideration. The project had to do with building strong communities. It can be viewed here.  

I went just over two weeks trying to find things that might work. I found myself in familiar places trying to recreate something I knew I had already taken. Finally I went into my archives and found many of those pictures. It's true what they say - a photo is capturing the moment that can't be caught again. I found this quote on Twitter recently, "Its not what you're looking at, it's what you see". Many times I've walked past things I see and keep going but turn around when it hits me it would make  a good shot. 

I was paid 400 smackers for the job, and I think I did the smart thing -  I put it into another lens for the camera. So now when I head out on a hike I have to pack up the camera with four lenses, a one legged and a three legged tripod, extra batteries and other things I might need for the day. I also carry a Blackberry Playbook so I have my photos with me in case someone might want to see them. You've got to be ready in case another job comes along. I love the digital age, Can you imagine what carrying all those photos would do to my old back? Mind you, what I do carry isn't lightweight. 

Yesterday I was out around the city in places where you find graffiti, thinking I could find more that had homophobic messages for the project we are working on at my ASO (AIDS Service Organization). I walked and walked until it started to get dark. I found five or six items that might help. 

There were no bus stops near where I ended up so I had to hobble home; my ankles couldn't take anymore. I don't have the same problems with neuropathy but the joints aren't what they use to be. The fresh air and exercise was something I did need so it equals out. 

I can't share the graffiti with you, it will be put into a book form and online when its completed but here are some shots I've taken in the last week or two. Because of the weird weather we've had and now we are getting a lot of rain, seems its making the colours in the leaves more vibrant. These pictures show what its like right now, it will get more colourful over the next couple of weeks, can't wait.

This story will continue as I set up to hopefully make some extra cash. Stay tuned.

More pics.