“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” – Dr. Suess 

When I started teaching several years ago, there were times I would be a nervous wreck. There is a set amount of time and a specific amount of postures we have to get through.  Juggling all of the yoga sequence in a room of over 30 people, with varying levels and degrees of ability, can be daunting.

Every now and then, more often than not, there will be one student who chooses to do something out on their own.  While the entire class is in a wide-legged forward fold, they choose to go into dancer’s pose.  The two aren’t related at all.  What to do? I would become overwhelmed. They are doing something I didn’t suggest or sequence and it set me off, not in anger or in rage, but it’s unexpected.  I don’t know how to deal with it.  And that’s it, isn’t it - this belief that somehow I need to fix it so that they are doing it correctly.  

There’s an old saying about a Buddhist monastery. Some initiates of the monastery would have problems with this incredibly angry man who worked as the groundskeeper. During periods of silence he would be making noise. He would get into fights with some of the monks and play tricks on those he believed broke his rules. He was foul and caused much chaos and confusion with these younger monks. They turned to the head of their order. “Master!  Master!” they would cry, “Something must be done about him! He must leave the monastery immediately.” The master turns to them and smiles and says, “What!? You would have me remove my greatest teacher?” 

When I began to recognize that it wasn’t this person or idea or thing that was disturbing me but the feelings that arose when this person, idea or thing was present, it began to separate the blame from them to me. That something inside me is hurt, angered, and/or threatened in the presence of this external force. If I can learn to become right with it inside of me, then the outside influence will lose its potency on my internal barometer.  It’s about learning to become more unmessable with.

I realized I was afraid. I was afraid that students will see that I didn’t know what I was doing because I could not control everyone in the room. And there is the flaw. When did I ever have control? And when did I think I stopped being human and flawed and prone to mistakes?  The more I became OK with myself, the more I was able to allow my students to be themselves too.  

I may never be the perfect embodiment of spiritual attainment. I will never have a “yoga voice” The idea of raising my chest and opening my heart out to the universe makes me want to gag a little inside, and I don’t gag. I don’t fit the mold of the regular “yoga teacher” and have no intention of ever trying to.  I am the Kung-Fu Panda of Yoga. I’m Po, don’t you know!

Do what is right for you and your ultimate goal, life ambition has the freedom to manifest. Don’t worry if you don’t fit the mold.  By you becoming who you want to be, the mold fits to you. You are the new mold for your future self. Become that. Do that and you will find a greater place of peace, love and joy in your life that you have only ever dreamed of having. 

Being yourself is much more about allowing that stuff to come out.  Sometimes on the quest to be professional and to act a specific way one loses oneself. I want to mention that I am not stressing breaking the rules or laws, or even personal belief systems. If anything it’s much more about freeing one from those things that are required and those that are perceived to be required.  That you can fit the job and role you want regardless if you “look the part” or not.  

I am not exactly the epitome of yoga teacher health or attitude.  I am not skinny.  I have never been to India.  I am definitely not quiet or “zen”.  In many ways, I am quite the opposite.  My yoga and life are balanced and practiced on the principles of Love, Light and Laughter. I have always believed in the heart of yoga and its essence. The ability to transcend the wordy and the physical to a place that is accessible and allows the practitioner a space and place to explore being themsleves in a comfortable setting. So many places in the world, and in life, have set up these cute, little cubbyhole roles on what they want us to be. How they want us to act. It’s almost as if we’re on auto-pilot – just checking into the roles we’ve been assigned.  And maybe some of those are required: the role of parent/child, siblings, employer/employee for instance.

Some of these roles we cannot escape, but there are others.  For example, one student told me once “I’m in my 60s, I shouldn’t do that” She did not say, she couldn’t. The belief is that the idea of the pose/posture in that moment was something that others have deemed inappropriate for her to even attempt to pursue. 

Then there are others students, like dear, sweet Joanne, who at 70-something years old decided to try a headstand for the first time since she was six years old. She succeeded. She believed in her head and heart to go for it. While upside-down, I asked her to squeeze my fist as I placed it between her calves and my hope was that it would make her stronger in the pose.  I’m saying “Squeeze my hand.   Squeeze my hand!” And she replies while still upside down still in the pose “With what!?!” And so all control of the class is gone and laughter takes over us all.  

And that’s just it too. Maybe I can be myself and go for it, aim for me and don’t look back, even if I don’t know what it will take to get me there.  And as for my students, I hope they always know in their heads and in their hearts that they have room enough to be themselves with me too. 

Metta 

Did you know people living with HIV who exercise two to three times a week are less likely to develop complications and increase CD4 blood counts (a good thing) than those who do no exercise at all?

It doesn’t mean you need to become a gym junkie, or compete in triathlons or extreme sports. It could be as simple as getting off the couch and doing something physical, or not eating that bag of potato crisps (or chips if you are North American).

Getting enough exercise may seem difficult at any given time, but by making a few simple changes to your routine, you can increase your levels of exercise. A great way to start is as simple as going for a walk or even using the stairs instead of the elevator. As always you should consult your doctor before making any major changes, but let’s look at some simple changes that you can make here. 

First up, where to start…

•  Consider your current HIV treatment (if any) and how it may affect you
• Be realistic with your goals and take in to account your starting point.
• Don’t overdo it  - or you may revert  to your old ways.
• Do things you enjoy and are appropriate for you (remember, we are all different).
• Take into account your environment (swimming in the lake in the middle winter is probably not ideal).
• Keep a record of your progress.
• Keep it simple. Make changes like walking instead of driving for instance? 

Why bother?

Living with HIV is no longer a death sentence. With proper management and a healthier lifestyle, you can live a long and healthy life. Not only does daily physical activity increase stamina, it also decreases body fat and cholesterol (some HIV medications have a tendency to increase body fat around the belly), reduces blood pressure and lowers your resting heart rate.

Daily physical activity also decreases anxiety, tension and depression, because you actually feel a lot better about yourself.

Another benefit of daily physical activity is that it tends to aid in reducing viral load (another good thing), compared to no or minimal daily physical activity.

I have been running twice a week for five months now and before I started, my resting heart rate was 80-90; I have now reduced my resting heart rate to 45-50. 

Starting off

Let’s look at some simple basic things we can all do to start with. Before you start any exercising, you need to be aware of your current physical levels. You know your body better than anyone else and should be able to distinguish the difference between just being tired or fatigued.

It doesn’t take too much effort to step outside and go for a short walk. Not only is it building physical activity in your life, it also helps clear you mind, and get some fresh air into your system. You can even decide to walk to the local shops instead of driving if that's an option.

Always be aware of your body. If for any reason you suddenly feel really tired, you should stop all together or slow down. It’s actually not a good idea to keep pushing.

Start off slowly to give your body the time it needs to adjust to the new levels of physical stress you are putting on it. Make sure you also give your body enough recovery time. Take a day off if you really feel tired, but make sure you don’t stop your new activities.

Once you start, try to stay on track for the long term. Being HIV+ means our bodies are already under a lot of stress, either from medication, or just fighting viruses. Don't push beyond certain limits, give your body breaks.

Set yourself up for success by being realistic with your goals. Set them at a level that gives you something that you can achieve and measure. The fastest way to demotivate yourself is to be over zealous and unrealistic with your goals. This will more often than not lead to you quitting exercising altogether.

Drink plenty of water. We hear it all the time from every angle, but it is true. A well hydrated body is a healthy body. Drink water before you start, while you exercise and after you have finished exercising. 

What motivates you?

A half-hearted attempt at anything in life will always be of little benefit to you. To be successful, you have to be motivated. To be motivated, you need desire. To achieve desire, you have to give it your all.

You should always enjoy whatever you do. Simply said, don’t overdo it, and don’t under do it. If you feel good after a decent walk, then leave it at that, as long as you make the effort to increase the level the next time. Pushing so hard that you are beyond exhausted could actually have a negative effect on you and your body.

It is much easier to stick to something when you mix it up to avoid getting bored. For me running twice a week is great, but I’m at a stage that I need to change the routine and find a new running track, time, or even push it to the next level.

Boredom will most likely lead to you giving up anything. So mix it up by taking a different walking route, or getting out at dawn to enjoy a sunrise while walking, for instance

Get a partner who can hold you accountable. Believe it or not, having someone doing this with you is a great motivator. Going solo works for some, and  it could be a great way to start up any form of physical activity, but let’s be honest - if no one is watching, what are the chances you’re going to skip a few sessions, or take it really easy? So grab your neighbour and head out for that walk together. Make it a regular thing. Not only are you helping yourself, you are also helping out someone else.

If you really prefer to do it alone,don't overlook options like yoga, stretching, or even cleaning the house. (It will do your body good, and you get to enjoy a clean house at the end of it).

So remember once again, HIV is not a death sentence….unless you make it that. Look out for yourself, look out for your viral family, and look out for your family and neighbours

Simple changes are not just for people living with HIV, they are for every single one of us.

Ji Wallace is an Australian gymnast and Olympic trampoline silver medalist.

Earlier in his career Ji Wallace won many Australian national and international titles in all four Trampoline Sports disciplines. Ji made his major international breakthrough in 1996 by winning gold in the DMT (double mini trampoline) discipline at the 19th World Championships in Vancouver.

Ji competed in the Individual Trampoline event at the 2000 Olympic Games in Sydney winning a Silver Medal.

In 2002, he came out publicly as gay and in 2005 was the first Australian to be named a Gay Games Ambassador. In an August 2012 letter to the Sydney Star Observer, he revealed he is HIV-positive.

Ji was a cast member in Cirque du Soleil with their show in Macau, China. In Oct 2008 Ji fell badly and  spent 21 months learning to walk again. In August 2010 he took a coaching job in Montreal at the Cirque Du Soleil headquarters.

After his HIV diagnosis in 2011, 2012 saw Ji return to his native Australia for treatment and a restart at his life. Ji continues to live large and dream big.

********

Bob Leahy: Hello Ji.  Many thanks for talking to PositiveLite.com.

Ji Wallace: Appreciate it.  Thank you for having me.

Now, you were diagnosed  HIV-positive in 2011, Ji,  and you revealed your status in August 2012. You’ve got a lot of accolades for coming out HIV-positive.  How did all that process feel?

I am still in the process of understanding it all, to be honest. I am only 12 months diagnosed so I am taking giant leaps forward every day and the support I have received so far has been nothing short of humbling. I have created a circle of people around me that lovs me for me and all of me included, but there are many people out there that don’t have the support I have so this - me standing up to be counted -  is in a way for them.

We’ve told this story on PositiveLite.com before, but do you want to tell new readers what it was that prompted you to take this step.  I think you said you had a sleepless night, right?

Well, I was at the 2012 Olympics in London and my boyfriend had left for home. I was watching TV late one night as I couldn’t sleep and I came across an interview with Piers Morgan and Greg Louganis. The interview was refreshing as it focused on Greg as a person and what he has been up to. It wasn’t a typical mediOGRE story about HIV and I wanted to share my thanks with Piers so I wrote to him.

And the rest is history. This isn’t your first coming out story, though, Ji. You’d previously come out as gay, in 2005. Why did you do that?

After the Olympic Games I was free to explore social environments, I was not confined to rigorous training and that exploration included being out on the strip and in the community. Being an only child and not having told my parents of my sexuality I took a bold step and told them face to face. After this, I was not afraid of being caught in a mini scandal or having my photo taken out and about and the ‘coming out’ story really evolved from there. I was always gay so it was not a shock but I didn’t reveal anything publically before the Games because I was an athlete first and I had a job to do. Anything and everything else in my life at that time came a distant second in importance. I had the lifelong dream of being a successful Olympian right at my fingertips and I wasn’t going to let anything, including my sexuality, get in the way.

So would you say that coming out poz was more difficult than that, or not?

When I came out (gay) there was still a lot of buzz around the Olympics, plus I was still young. 24. Now I am 35 and have been through some quite dramatic experiences in my life, so outside of the respect of telling my parents, anything that comes my way is water off a duck's back. I have thick, thick skin now and I am not afraid anymore.

Prior to coming out poz, did you find it challenging to keep your status out of public knowledge?

My only goal was to tell my parents directly. I couldn’t tell them over the phone so I had to wait until I got home to Australia to tell them. Once they knew and I had allayed any fears they might have had about HIV I was free to be more open about it. I am not an ostrich that sticks his head in the sand and hopes something will go away. I wanted to tackle this head on. The more you talk about an issue the better you can deal with it. HIV needs an open forum to begin to tackle it.

Ji,  now you‘re an ambassador for People Living with HIV/AIDS (PLWHA) Victoria’s ENUF campaign, a program designed to help end stigma. Tell me why you chose to take on that role.

I am strong ENUF to take a shellacking from anyone these days but many people out there are not, so my story is in part a little light for them. People with HIV are people too. We breathe the same air and the same sun warms our skin. We deserve the same respect as afforded to everyone. There are not ENUF campaigns out there fighting the stigma and discrimination associated with HIV and I want to support them all.

So why do you think that in 2012 there is still considerable stigma directed against poz guys, even from within the gay community?

There is still stigma and discrimination simply due to fear. Most often when you fear something you act out against it. People living with HIV are not to be feared. We eat, breathe, sing and dance just like everyone else.

You are in a sero-discordant (mixed status) relationship, Ji.  How do you think that fact changes the dynamics of your relationship?

My relationship is based on truth and trust and honesty so I feel I have a better relationship with him, even being discordant, than most people do in their own relationship. If you can tell someone about your status and be accepted for it than all other meaningless problems become irrelevant. We educated ourselves on our circumstance and act accordingly. It is pure gold I must say.

What would you say to couples in a similar position, contemplating a mixed status relationship.

Love who you want to love and take them wholely and solely. Educate yourselves and let your love be unconditional.

Now you have a Canadian connection in that at one time you worked for Cirque du Soleil and in fact lived in Canada for a bit, didn’t you.  How was that?

I have met some amazing people though my travels around the world and the Canadians I have met are no different. Genuine and special, though Canada does evoke vivid memories for me. In ‘96 I won a Trampoline Sports World Championship in Vancouver but in 03 also in Vancouver I fell while mountain biking and broke my collarbone. In 07 at the World Championships in Quebec City I failed to qualify for the Beijing games but at the same competition I managed to gain a contract with Cirque du Soleil. In 08 I injured my ankle rendering me acrobatically useless and in ‘11 I tested positive for HIV. None the less I did enjoy my time in Canada  - but you can keep the snow. I am not a fan of minus 30!

And what are you doing now?

Since the revelation of my status around 10 weeks ago I have been moved to tears many times reading peoples; stories of triumph and tears. The stories I have read truly distress me as the world may be in 2012 but we really do have some growing up to do in the way we treat each other. Coming soon is the Silver Lining foundation. It’s a foundation I am developing to bring a ‘silver lining’ to people who may only see dark clouds. It is a no brainer for me to be kind to one another and if I can do that on a larger scale then I will focus on that.

You’ve said “I’ve still, got big dreams, big goals”.  Tell us what those are?

I am an action man so next year I am going to run in the LA marathon with T2, a team to end AIDS. My Olympic routine was 22 seconds long so doing a marathon is a huge goal. Also I am going to organise a group of HIV-positive people to trek what is known in Australia as a rite of passage, the Kokoda trek. And, I plan on raising awareness of the plight of the world’s HIV population. HIV is still here and people are still being infected. Ultimately I am on a march towards a cure and when that day comes, and I believe it is coming, I can stand up with the 35 million other HIV positive people in the world and say "YES - take that, HIV! You may have won numerous battles but we have won the war!"  

Ji, thanks a million for talking to us here at PositiveLite.com . Good luck with the campaign – and good luck with those dreams.

Follow Ji Wallace on Facebook and on twitter @jiwallace 123.