On May 5th, we will be celebrating six months of the POZ-TO Monthly Dance Parties. We are proud to say that each month has been getting better and better.

It is so great to see everyone enjoying themselves and socializing. This is exactly what I was going for - a safe space where the HIV+ community can come and just let their hair down. No worries about having to disclose, because the conversation has already been started. And although we open the doors for the POZ Community, we also welcome anyone and everyone who wants to support the organizations we choose to raise money for. 

For the past six months we have raised money for ACT & PWA, but starting in June we have decided that the main organization we are going to be helping is PWA. Mainly because I believe that their services are really hands on and food is important. And with their new garden programs, they are going to need all the help they can get. And POZ-TO is proud to throw our support behind them.

But we will still occasionally invite in other AIDS organizations to help them as well. We are all in this fight together. It is going to take all of us to help in educating and preventing the spread of the virus.

We will also be celebrating a my good friend, Richard Kikot's Birthday. So, I'm sure it's gonna be a fun night. Hope to see you there on Sunday (May 5th).

And to show my appreciation for all of those who have come out to support the event, here is a special megamix I have put together. It's just a taste of all the great music I spin for our party. Give it a listen….you never know what you might hear.

I haven't written any music reviews lately. Probably because I'm not understanding what the hell is being released these days. I mean….there's plenty of new releases, but I'm not sure these tracks are worthy of seeing the light of day. 

Okay….let's start with Beyonce's "Bow Down (I Been On)". With lyrics like "Bow down bitches", it's not hard to understand why the gals on "The Talk" were discussing Beyonce's claims of being a "modern day feminist". I guess this would be her equivalent of Michael Jackson's "Bad" done with today's Hip Hop attitude. Um, Mrs. Carter. I have been a fan for years. I've even shared the stage with you as my alter-ego, Jade Elektra, but this song has some of the worst production I've heard in years. And one point it sounds like the tempo changes and then your voice is auto-tuned and pitched down to make you sound like a man. Ewww! What the hell? Look, I know you are married to Jay Z and probably for five years now has been pumpin' your head up with ideas that you are "the baddest bitch on earth". What ya'll say to each other in bed should stay there. Don't let Sasha Fierce take you to a place where you can't get back from. When we met you were such a sweet girl and so lovely to be around. Please keep that image, because this slope you are on now is just really unattractive.

I saw on the Entertainment News the other day that Chris Brown is in the studio with Jennifer Lopez. I hate when labels pair up the "bad boys" with some female artist for some kind of P.R. move to clean up their image. All is not forgiven! I don't care how many photos Rihanna takes of you sleeping in her hotel room! You're still a scum bag and I'll never spend my money on your music again! And why would Jennifer even go that route? Another bad decision like leaving American Idol. Chris Brown's latest release "Fine China" sounds a little like a fusion of an 80's Funk track with some strings thrown in. And he also was bragging to Ryan Seacrest that he has another duet with Rihanna coming soon as well. YAY!….I'm thrilled! (You smell that? That's sarcasm!)

And everyone is concerned about Lil' Wayne after his stint in the hospital for a seizure after drinking too much "sizzurp" (a concoction of prescription strength cough syrup, sodas, hard candies and alcohol). I say "God don't like ugly!" Sounds harsh? After his horrible reference to Emmet Till's torture and murder on Future's track "Karate Chop" he needed to be brought down a peg or two. Even Stevie Wonder could see how offensive his verse was. I mean…the track came out during Black History Month!

http://www.caribbean360.com/index.php/news/667032.html#axzz2PbGWM21r

Anyway….his label must have been worried that he was going to kick the bucket or something because they have released several tracks to the DJ pools in the past few weeks. "Wowzerz" (with Trina), "Trippy" (with Juicy J) and "Rich As F#%k" (with 2 Chainz). None of them sound like anything I would rush to put on my decks. Isn't it time for him to slide back into obscurity? You know...how Eminem, DMX and 50 Cent had to sit down and realize that their 15 minutes were up.

And as the days go by, our little Justin Bieber is getting closer and closer to a major meltdown. I think that the return of Justin Timberlake has shook him to the core. He's trying so hard to do mature things to prove he's not just a teen idol. Hanging around with rap artists like Lil' Twist, trying to physically attack photographers and threatening to kill  and spitting on his neighbor after he complained about him drag racing through the neighborhood. This little punk needs his ass kicked! It's gonna be a sad day when he either steps to the wrong person or he ends up overdosing on drugs and alcohol.

The Bieb's latest offerings are a track with fellow Canadian, Drake called "Right Here" (another syrupy teen track with a rap) and a really tired feature on Will.I.Am's "The Power". I guess the thing that is really sad about the Will.I.Am collaboration is that Will has used every person in the book on his new singles because he's not strong enough to do a solo project. He's just not that interesting enough for anyone to care. He has never written anything with substance and lyrical content. On the scale of Dance Music this track is just fluff. And for Bieber, singing hooks on Hip Hop tracks like "Lolly" by Maejor Ali is not gonna give him street creds. It's just gonna make him look like an industry whore.

But I don't want to end on a sour note. There a few tracks that I am digging these days. First up is the Willy William Club Bootleg of "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Ray Dalton. Really hot production where they slowed it down to 130 BPM and gave it a slight tribal feel and added a female vocal who injects her take on the Etta James sample for "Levels".

And I know that those Joe Fresh commercials must be driving everyone crazy as much as they play day in and day out, but I can't seem to get enough of "Bom Bom" by Sam & The Womp. The Pirupa Remix is giving me my life right now! It works for the voguing kids as well as your latin enthusiasts. Hot! It reminds me of the classic, "Bangin" by Masters At Work.

And speaking of Masters At Work….I normally don't toot my own horn, but I recently just did a rework of their mix of Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough". For those who are used to the original, you won't recognize this version. Other than the vocal, I took it in a completely different direction with some heavy conga production. I believe this would be considered a "Body & Soul" version. Be sure to come up and ask for it if you are at one of my gigs.

And last but not least…."Freaks" by French Montana featuring Nicki Minaj is definitely going to be the Spring Jam. With it's use of Lil'Vicious samples and "Murder She Wrote", this Reggae infused Hip Hop track is infectious on the floor! 

I decided to submit this blog because I am sure there are plenty of you out there who have a friend like this. Someone who can't hear because they are so busy talking…. 

It's about 3:15 AM on March 25th, 2013. I am scheduled to go back to Toronto today. I am so looking forward to holding my husband when I get home.

It's been an interesting trip to NYC. A lot of my friends are going through a lot of personal drama....from health issues to relationship problems. But one in particular was talking to me and his words kept ringing in my ears the whole visit. He said that my delivery can be a little harsh sometimes. 

He's said this to me before, but this time for some reason it really stuck out. Then I started thinking about my own evolution over the years. If you were to talk to people who knew me back in the 80's, they would tell you about "harsh deliveries". They would tell you that I have mellowed over my years. I guess from early sexual abuse as a child and holding all that in until I was a teenager has made me realize that I don't have the time or luxury of candy coating my thoughts. I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

Every since I let the pain and shame go with all of my early life go I have been pretty open with my thoughts. I have learned diplomacy over the years. And tact has become a friend, but I pretty much still say what I need to say. 

Then I started examining the friend who said this to me, as he was drinking his fourth beer and smoking another cigarette. He talked and talked and talked. I barely got any words in at all. So, I can see how he would feel that when I did say something it was harsh. He is used to doing all the talking.

But then I started examining what was missing from our many talks......quiet moments. It is difficult to really have a conversation if there are no quiet moments. No TV on. No music playing. Just sitting and actually listening to each other. It is a very healthy thing in any kind of relationship.....be it a lover, a husband or close friend. 

One of the things I love about my husband is that we have plenty of quiet moments. He realizes that I work in a very social environment. Lots of loud talking. Lots of drinking. Lots of egos. So, when I get home from a night at the club it is nice to have some real down time. We can sit enjoy a television show like "True Blood" or "Banshee" or "Bugs Bunny Cartoons" together. Or we can just have some quiet time without saying a word. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong. It doesn't mean that we are angry or mad. It just means that we are sharing a space with understanding and no noise.

I need quiet time when I get home from a loud bar. Sometimes I just don't want to talk at all and he understands that. 

But looking at my friend, he doesn't seem to have quiet moments. There has to be something going on. He has to have a few beers and smoke a joint to wind down after being out. The other thing I don't think he realizes is that I have never spent a complete 24 hours with him where he did not have a beer or a joint in his hand. I have been completely sober every moment that he and I have ever spent together. So, watching him drink and smoke (which my mother had problems with drugs and my father had problems with drinking) over the years has really been a tell-tale sign of what is going on.

In my quiet moments I have clear visions of what it is I need to do. If I'm not mistaken, pot makes you forgetful. And I'm sure beer goggles don't help either. In my quiet moments I have seen the problems and determined what my next move is going to be. I love my quiet moments because the clarity is sharp and silence is deafening. You cannot escape the truth in a quiet moment. Most of your answers are right there in front of you and all you have to do is acknowledge them. But with all the distractions going on in the room, you will never hear or see what is going on.

My sanity is wrapped in quiet moments. 

When was the last time that you just sat and listened to yourself breathe? When was the last time you just sat across from someone and completely gave them the floor? I mean...really just sat and listened to someone without interrupting? Those are quiet moments. Moments that allow intimacy on the deepest levels to arise. 

I swear....intimacy and a human touch are the keys to keeping healthy relationships. If you don't have quiet moments, you can't have either. 

I know when my friend reads this he is going to need a minute to think about what I have written here. At first he might think that I am taking a swipe at him, but I hope that after he lets this all sink in he takes the time to really have a quiet moment and think about our conversations over the years. I still love him like a brother and would do anything for him, but I don't think he could be quiet long enough for me to say all of this in person.

Alphonso:  First, I'd like to thank you for being our model and entertainment for April 7th. Most folks only know you as your stage persona, Jenna Syde. But the "Average Joe" doesn't know that it is Charlie Boyes behind it. How long have you been performing?

Charlie Boyes: I have been performing as Jenna Syde for almost 6 years...but the character really stemmed from my old ClubKid/Goth days when i would dress up and wear elaborate make-up to various Fetish events around T.O. including the much missed Betty Page social club nights at Boots...and the Dungeon parties at Buddies in Bad times theatre.

Jenna is not your typical Church Street queen. She's got a bit of an edge to her. Charlie is kinda shy and quiet. How did you get to her as a character?

So i wouldnt say Jenna is opposite of me...and i DEFINITELY wouldn't say Charlie is either shy or quiet..its more of different splinters of the same person...I've always been interested in exploring the masculine/feminine entities that I believe exist in us all and then fucking with and re-appropriating gender roles.

I got to the character as a homage to all the women/men/gender benders that have inspired and shaped me in my youth...Siouxsie Sioux, Klaus Nomi, Divine, Nina Hagen, Grace Jones, Wendy O. Williams, Boy George, Annie Lennox...all these great strong creative beings inspired and shaped me growing up...I also found that drag had gotten quite stale and safe in this city...this town definitely needed an enema...I just needed to find a long enough hose!

So, Jenna is performing for our POZ-TO event. I wanted to shake things up and give an alternative to the party. Do you have something special planned for the show that night?

i am very excited to be performing at POZ T.O. and will have a few tricks and treats up my...er...sleeve for this empowering event!.

It was my idea to start using people from the community as models to put a face on Toronto's Poz scene. Not everyone is comfortable disclosing in such an open way. What made you decide to volunteer to be on our posters and flyers this month?

i decided to model as myself to make a public coming out as being HIV + ... It seems important as there is still so much shame and stigma out there as well as A LOT of ignorance about what this disease is ...and I needed to feel more comfortable with it

I myself have been very open about being HIV positive, but it wasn't easy. You know…if it wasn't for my husband I don't think that I would have the courage to be so public. I mean…I was out to my close friends and my lovers, but five or six years ago I wouldn't have dreamed of doing interviews about my status. How long have you been out as a positive guy?

i am out about my status to all friends and family.. it just seemed to be the right time...i was inspired by you and this event...it was kinda like publicly yelling out FUCK YEAH!! I M POZ TOO!!! ..lol..it has been liberating ...and surprising that some people have asked me dumb foundedly WHY?? would i want to ascociate myself with this??...my answer was"WHY WOULDNT I??

I was diagnosed only a little over 3 years ago.....so it just seemed to be the right time for me!!

Well, I am looking forward to your performance as Jenna and the next POZ-TO event. Do you have anything that you'd like to say to any young people in our community?

As far as anything to say to young people in our community...get tested regularily ...find the proper health care you deserve...trust your own feelings...educate yourself....live without fear..and with out shame...be fearless!

Lately I have been getting inquiries about what it's like to live in New York City. Many of my acquaintances  and friends in the arts here in Toronto are all falling in love with the idea of moving to the Big Apple. I try to tell them that New York is magical and it will definitely cast a spell on you with all of it's legends and tales of success and stardom, but all that glitters isn't gold.

I remember my first trip to New York City. It was in late September of 1990. I was there to audition for a role of a drag queen who could pass as a woman and still play a young man.

It was all so exciting. I went in to some studio to do a reading on 36th street on the West Side. There were about 20 other guys there. I had never read for anything at this point and all I had was a few polaroids of my best drag. I had no theatrical training. I was just a wet-behind-the-ears female impersonator from Tampa, Florida.

The reading went terribly. The producers liked my look but I couldn't act for shit. And I was physically too tall for the role. So, of course….I didn't get the role. This would be the beginning of many rejections in the city that never sleeps. It turns out the role was of "Dill" in The Crying Game. 

I was in town for five days. I was staying with my ex, Michael Parker Haines and his lover Steven. They took me around the city and showed me as much as they could in those days. I had never seen so many tall buildings. Back in Tampa in my art classes I would paint and draw extra buildings in the Tampa skyline to pretend we were a bigger city. I wrote slogans that boasted that I was Tampa's next rising star. I dreamed of so much more than what my hometown could offer. On this short visit, I had auditioned for a major film and even met Madonna at The Soundfactory as Junior Vasquez spun.

So, by the time it came to leave I was smitten. Bitten by the bug of all the dreams and hopes that walk the streets of that huge and frightening town. I knew that I would return one day, for it was all I had ever dreamed of and more. New York City had become a part of my being. Tampa would not contain me any longer. I was made for subways and all night delis. 

It took me a couple of years to get back there. Circumstances would change my ability to work as a DJ in Tampa since I had spun at all of the venues that would have me. So, in 1992 I took a brave step and bought a round trip ticket to LaGuardia. I called up another ex named Michael who lived with his then girlfriend The Electrifying Grace. He gave me permission to stay with them, but had not talked it over with Grace at all. I had only spoken to her on the phone a few times. It was by her generous nature that she allowed me to come stay. By the time I arrived, she had put Michael out and I had come to stay with a complete stranger.

 This is my New York Drag Mother, "The Electrifying Grace". My drag name is homage to her. 

I figured that I would come up to look around for work for a couple of weeks and then take whatever I could get when I got back to Tampa. After all, my whole life was back there. I had an apartment I shared with my adopted brother, Anthony Evans and my lover Michael Gagne. I never believed that I would actually find work in such a huge city. I figured I would be rejected and laughed at as some country bumpkin from the south. 

But the old saying "It's all in who you know" is actually true. Grace was one of the hostesses at Sally's which was mentioned in the documentary Paris Is Burning that I had just watched about six months before arriving. Grace had told the manager, Jimmy Peanuts that I was a DJ. I arrived in the evening on Wednesday, April 29th. On the next day I had my first interview and audition for a job in New York City.

I walked into Sally's around 2 PM in the afternoon to meet with Mr. Peanuts. He looked and sounded like Max from the 80's TV show, "Hart to Hart". He sat at an empty booth with a huge plate of spaghetti and a telephone. I introduced myself and quickly made my way over to the DJ equipment to start to impress him with my skills on the tables. I had brought with me about 20 records. I did my best mixes and tricks in my set. Jimmy seemed unimpressed. In fact, he was on the phone most of the time while I played. Afterwards he invited me to sit down at the table with him.

"So, tell me kid….do you know how to read?" he asked.

"You mean like…" and I began to snap my fingers in a "Z' formation as Blaine and Anton did on"In Living Color".

"No, no, no…not dat faggot shit! I mean as in - see spot run." Jimmy explained.

"Yeah, of course" I said a little confused.

"You're hired." Jimmy said as he continued eating. So, on Friday May 1st I started my new job.

Grace later explained to that evening that apparently Sally's had two DJ's, but neither of them could read. So, they had to pay someone else to sit with them to tell them what to play when the drag shows were on. Meaning that I got my first job in the Big Apple not because of my skills, but because I actually knew how to read. They could care less about what I played. And as they say….the rest was history. My life in the city had just begun. I was never returning to Tampa as a resident. I was extremely lucky. I had landed in the middle of the cast of Paris Is Burning and my education of life in the big city had begun.

"The Illusions" (Harmonica Sunbeam, Tyra Colbaire, myself and Sybil Barrington-the original group). Photo by Panja Jergens taken during rush hour in the middle of Times Square in 1994. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQpWc6QLRwQ

I would later form a drag troupe called The Illusions that would be the next generation of"The Pearl Box Revue" at The Cotton Club. I would appear on daytime talk shows like "The Richard Bey Show", "The Maury Povich Show" and "The Ricki Lake Show". I would eventually get roles in movies like Too Wong Foo…Thanks For Everything, Party Girl and Jane Doe. By the end of the 90's I would get my first shot at performing at Wigstock with the fabulous Lady Bunny. And eventually I would sign my first record deal with Progressive High Records to release my first single "Why Are You Gaggin'?" which I would be later screwed for by them selling my track overseas. And the beginning of my 12-year run as the resident Sunday night DJ at Escuelita began when Harmonica Sunbeam asked me to be a part of her team for the longest running T-Dance in New York City.

Of course I missed out on a lot of parts, but I kept at it and had an amazing time learning how the entertainment business is run. The highlights almost overshadow all the days I had only tuna sandwiches for dinner after paying my rent and bills. No one knew all the hard days when work was scarce and I was barely getting by. It wasn't glamorous. It was the real New York.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYRepLl6n9A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wf0OsmHJoSg

But then I got to thinking about some of the smaller projects that I was a part of. I used to live in the East Village. I entered the Priscilla Queen of The Desert lip sync contest  at HMV on 86th and Lexington. I won and shared the title with a queen named "Chicklet". Little did I know that meeting would turn into a great friendship and a track into some underground films by a brilliant filmmaker called John Jabalaba. Even though the big movie projects helped me get my Screen Actors Guild card, the two films that I did with John were so much fun.

Crowned the winner of HMV's "Priscilla Queen of The Desert" along with Chicklet. If you look closely Robin Byrd was the MC and Michael Musto, Alicia Bridges, Paul Alexander and Girlina were the judges. 

The first one I did was a short film called Lilly White. Chicklet was the star and the cast consisted of some of New York's legendary drag performers like Hedda Lettuce and Miss Understood. I played a drunk woman who answers her apartment door to find a nun collecting funds for a church. Chicklet's character awakes to find her memory is gone along with her identity.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_e26kI9eqns&feature=gv 

My second role was that of "The Kept Girl" in another short called Dogs. In this one I was trying my hardest to give my best Marilyn Monroe / Ginger from Gilligan's Island. It's hard to say who was the star of this one. It definitely wasn't me. But the kidnapping of Pepe is a hilarious look at the blurred lines between the drag world and insanity. 

http://www.spike.com/video-clips/z4a8n5/dogs

I think the thing that I enjoyed the most was the work for the art that we were creating. No pay, but it was great to be a part of something that will never happen again. Jabalaba was our Andy Warhol meets John Waters and Chicklet was his Candy Darling meets Divine. I am still friends with both of them till this day. I highly recommend you look this extraordinary visionary up.

http://jabalaba.blogspot.ca/

It also got me thinking about all the gay films (short and long) that are being lost in this age of the internet. Somethings are available on YouTube, but there is nothing like watching a movie in a theatre atmosphere. So, I recently started a gay movie night called "PINK CINEMA @ SLOUCH MEDIA". Our first selection was "PARIS IS BURNING" for Black History Month. The next feature will be on March 7th. Check out the our facebook page and vote on what our next movie will be. There are five choices on the home page. So, go vote!