Subscribe to our RSS feed

Popular News Stories

  • Fuck poz guys!
  • Tom Hanks in Philadelphia Changed my Life
  • Canadian AIDS Society’s AGM and PHA Forum in Ottawa: some scholarships for HIVers available
  • Semen goes viral – or does it?
  •  - the interview



How to have a threesome

Friday, 12 December 2014 Written by // Guest Authors - Revolving Door Categories // Dating, Gay Men, Sexual Health, Health, Lifestyle, Opinion Pieces, Population Specific , Sex and Sexuality , Revolving Door, Guest Authors

Lots of couples decide to have threesomes to spice up their sex life together. It can be the beginning of a new stage in their sexual relationship or the end of the whole relationship. FS Magzine finds out how to know if three’s company or a crowd.

How to have a threesome

This article previously appeared in FS magazine, a publication of GMSH, here  

Bring up the subject  

Bringing up the subject that you want to ask another guy into your bed isn’t an easy thing to do. Talking about fantasies together is a good way to bring the subject up. If he also has fantasies about sex with more than one person, then he’ll be more likely to be up for a threesome. Plus, by telling him it’s one of your fantasies, you are letting him know that you are interested in having one.  

What if he’s not up for it?  

Of course it’s not always that simple. Experimenting with threesomes means experimenting with emotions and insecurities that can wreak havoc on a relationship. So what happens if you really want to do it and your partner doesn’t? “It depends on how important to you having threesomes is in comparison with how important your boyfriend is to you,” says health promotion specialist Barrie Dwyer. “Think about why you want to do it? It’s important to get to the real reasons why you want to and why he doesn’t. Then decide if you can find a compromise or decide that it’s not worth the risk to your relationship.”  

The rules  

Every couple that successfully has threesomes in their relationship sets rules beforehand. How do you meet the guys? Some couples decide it’s only something they want to do on holiday, so it doesn’t get mixed up with their everyday life. Is it OK to see the guys again? What if it isn’t working for one of you? And what can you get up to? Fucking? It’s different for every couple and sometimes the rules get broken, so you should be prepared for what happens then.  

Where to pick up a third is also an important factor to threesome success.

“We try to find people that we’re both at least a bit attracted to and who are attracted to both of us,” says Michael. “We’d find it difficult if he was clearly only into one of us. We look for someone who will be fun, and who knows that it’s just a bit of exciting recreational sex, nothing more.”  

What if it all goes wrong?  

Threesomes can be exciting, but they can just as easily be an uncomfortable, relationship-threatening disaster. As Michael found out: “The worst was when my boyfriend got fucked after we agreed beforehand that he wouldn’t. I was really upset about it. I felt betrayed, and for a while I wasn’t sure if our relationship would survive. We got through it eventually but it was over a year before we tried again. Now I feel more secure in the relationship and so I can relax and enjoy myself in that kind of situation.” But the picture doesn’t always end up being so rosy, as happened to a friend of Barrie’s: “He suggested a threesome with this guy. His boyfriend wasn’t really in the mood but reluctantly agreed. When it came to doing the business, the other guy was obviously more into his previously reluctant boyfriend. A month later his boyfriend told him that he and the other guy were in love and that he was moving out.” It’s important for everyone involved to feel part of the action and not left out. And if it isn’t working out for either of you, you should stop, no questions asked, and call it a day.  

Is it really for you?  

Threesomes in relationships aren’t for everyone. For every successful case there seems to be another that ends in flames. In Michael’s case, threesomes have brought another facet to his sexual relationship: “Opening our relationship up to the occasional threesome has made me feel more attractive and I know I’m with my boyfriend because I want to be, rather than because I don’t have other options.”  

So what’s the secret to success?  

“Talk about it first and find out what each of you is happy with and not happy with,” says Michael. “And you’ve got to keep to any agreement that you make. Threesomes can be a lot of fun, but they’re not worth jeopardising your relationship for.”


HIV and Open relationships

 Did you know that most people get HIV from either a boyfriend or a regular sex partner? If you are in an open relationship or play with others it’s important to use condoms with every new partner. It’s also important you test for HIV and STIs regularly. To find your nearest GUM clinic, visit

This article was taken from FS magazine issue 144. To read the DIGITAL VERSION: Click here.  

Arts and Entertainment Section

  • Skimming pebbles: Part two

    Skimming pebbles: Part two

    In part two of Dave R’s story, Andy struggles with what he’s learned and tries to balance deep dilemmas with his own reality. In the end, the choice is taken out of his hands but should he have done more? Would you have done more?
  • Season’s greetings

    Season’s greetings

    Bob Leahy and his dogs on doing what doesn’t come naturally, pet photography and Christmas spent away from home
  • Skimming pebbles: Part one

    Skimming pebbles: Part one

    Fiction from Dave R - a two-part story set in the South Seas. A man tries to escape his past by moving to what he hopes may be paradise. However, the serpent there confronts him with dilemmas he desperately hoped to avoid.

Activism Section

Current Affairs Section

Events Section

  • Living with HIV in Canada?

    Living with HIV in Canada?

    The federal funding agency PHAC wants to hear your views on how they propose distributing funds to the agencies that serve us, and how those services will be delivered
  • Honoured for their work

    Honoured for their work was at the 2014 Ontario AIDS Network Honour Roll Awards in Toronto last week to celebrate the induction of the four 2014 award winners.
  • Gains and…challenges

    Gains and…challenges

    COCQ-SIDA's new campaign takes on HIV stigma by matching the gains in the fight against HIV/AIDS against the challenges that remain. Ken Monteith reports.

Features and Interviews Section

Health Section

International Section

Legal Section

Lifestyle Section

Living with HIV Section

Media Section

Opinion Pieces Section

  • The chaser’s tale – part three

    The chaser’s tale – part three

    Responding to critics, guest Joseph Sinnott answers some of the accusations levelled at bug-chasers, those people who intentionally contract HIV like himself.
  • Reinventing the language

    Reinventing the language

    To combat fear and stigma, guest Tom Johnston from New Brunswick says “the terms “AIDS”, and “HIV” need to be eradicated from every area of communication and replaced with something more representative of what this virus actually is.”
  • Is HIV getting weaker? Don't count on it

    Is HIV getting weaker? Don't count on it

    From The “This year's story goes something like this: "HIV is getting weaker." But is it really? And if it is, what does that really mean for the fight against HIV, and for those who are living with HIV today?"

Population Specific Section

Sex and Sexuality Section