1.
Because I was possessed by a demon.
And because I was pregnant for 22 months with its child.
That’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
2.
Last week, a young friend of mine started PrEP.
He's 24 and heard about it online, has good health insurance, so has it covered. He told me the news as we were catching up after a recent sex party we were at together.
His news shocked me. And not because he started PrEP.
The shocking part was that none of his peers believed him when he told them about taking the pills to prevent HIV.
They thought he was lying.
And that’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
3.
One gay man possessed by a demon and pregnant for 22 months means there’s likely to be others.
And any Queen worth his weight in taffeta and sequins knows our sacred heritage is a river of blood.
That’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
4.
Feels like no one is hearing about PrEP. Especially gay boys in Seattle.
Most are still surprised to hear me tell of a pill that could prevent an exposure to HIV leading to a lifelong infection.
After 30+ years of exposures leading to infections, you’d think everyone who has stuck around this long in the fight against HIV would be simply gushing about PrEP, overly ecstatic about a new way for these pills that already save millions of lives to save a few thousand more.
You’d think we’d all be yawping from the roofs of the world about this possibility.
Yet every day I meet gay guys who have never heard that they could take a pill a day and keep the HIV away.
That’s a FUCKING EPIC FAILURE in my book.
That’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
5.
My young friend’s friends think he’s HIV-positive. All because he now has HIV meds in his possession.
Before you start your tsk-tsk-tsking, remember that a bottle of Truvada kept in a medicine cabinet attracts HIV stigma like a lightning rod.
Both Truvada and a lightning rod protect, but only Truvada has 2 really toxic side effects that make AIDS Healthcare Foundation hit the streets with pitchforks and press releases:
1) It can cause an African woman to be beaten in front of her neighbors if found in her possession.
2) It almost always leads to judgments and rejections for the rest of your living days.
And that’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
6.
We gotta work through this crap.
We are gay men rejecting gay men living with HIV.
And we do it thinking we just dodged a bullet, proud to have drummed away the damaged goods. We believe it keeps us safe.
We ALL do it. Or have done it. We do it every day. Every hour.
Every gay guy knows this crap we throw at poz guys.
This is the sour truth that makes most gay guys afraid to test.
They know firsthand the crap we throw at poz guys, the judgments and rejections for the rest of your living days.
And—suddenly--they realize they might become one of ‘THEM.’
Now this crap has become a wall between us and the most powerful prevention tool we have to this day discovered.
That’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
7.
PrEP is the first thing in 30+ years proven to lower rates of infection for the gays –-by 42% --and that was when it was used imperfectly by gay boys, and before it was known to work.
42% doesn’t sound like a lot. But do the math.
Look up on Google the number of gay men/trans women newly diagnosed with HIV in your favorite city.
Multiply that number by .42.
Now stare at that number, and you’ll get an idea of how many people we might have kept from a lifetime of daily pill-taking -- if we wanted to.
Hold that number in your mind’s eye, and make a mantra of when it was used imperfectly.
Better yet, hold your breath and meditate on this: if we wanted to.
Do this, and you’ll know why I made “’THE KEY.’
8.
HIV is the most stigmatized disease I know.
Gay men are the most stigmatized people I know.
There’s some sick poetry in this correlation between the two. It makes me hear Kurt Cobain singing:
WITH THE LIGHTS OUT, IT’S LESS DANGEROUS
These days, it’s my theme song. My mantra.
In seven words, Nirvana captures a mindset and makes of it an epitaph to lay to rest the results of 30+ years of HIV prevention in the minds of gay men.
That’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
9.
Miss Honey loves her Molotov cocktails, as much as she loves poppers and ass.
I ran into her Monday night on the 3rd floor of Club Z, drunk off her ass again. We both had to piss, but she was the first one to pull out her cock and write a message on the carpet:
THIS AIN’T NO MISS GAY TUSKEGEE PAGEANT
SO FUCK YOUR VACCINE THAT MADE ME SUSCEPTIBLE
AND GIVE ME PrEP
I pissed myself laughing. She then turned like a Queen back to her room with her cock still out and sang to all the cocksuckers:
ONE DAY
MY PRINCE
WILL CUM!
And that’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
10.
‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ is the soundtrack to my sex life, and not because I live in Seattle.
I meet guys at sex parties who freak out around any talk of HIV and assume if you bring it up that you have HIV.
I meet guys online who choose sex partners through a terse tango we all quickly learn whose dance steps have accompanying lyrics which can be sung to the melody of “Hernando’s Hideaway:”
“You clean?”
”Yeah. You?”
“Yeah. Wanna fuck?”
I meet guys in bathhouses who slam meth and believe that olive oil used as lubricant will kill HIV.
I meet these guys, and I hear in my head that guitar riff that launched Kurt into the stars with barely the chance to leave behind his letter to Boddah.
I meet guys, and sometimes that riff becomes a chainsaw.
And that’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
11.
You’d think that at least all the gay guys who work in The HIV Biz would be oversharing with all their friends and fuck buddies the good news about PrEP.
You’d think at least they would be recommending it to their gay clients, supplying all the information they can find about PrEP, dreaming up ways for ALL OF US who can’t afford it to access it.
With the good news about PrEP, you’d think we would at least be witnessing an orgy of activity on that mythic grassroots level.
But none of the gay guys working in The HIV Biz here in Progressive Seattle seem to care much for oversharing, let alone recommending, supplying, or dreaming.
That’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
12.
Here’s a little secret for you.
Seattle often refers to herself as Progressive.
It’s the adjective she’s been in An Open Relationship with for decades.
You always see them hanging together in those declarative sentences that make our Starbucks warm havens for Microsoft employees.
However, you should know that it’s not really An Open Relationship.
Drop by for a drink after work at any of Seattle’s gay bars, and I’ll introduce you to some Queens who can tell you stories about Seattle, if you’ll buy them all a drink.
Get them a little tipsy, and they can tell you tales of how she’s been stepping out on Progressive with other adjectives, including --but not limited to-- Complacent, Conservative, and Racist.
And, believe me, these Queens should know.
And that’s why I made ‘THE KEY.’
13.
My Candle in the Wind has blown out.
That’s why I made ‘The Key.’
This video originally appeared on Jake Sobo’s blog “The Time For Debate is Over. The Time to Implement PrEP is Now” here.
About Magpie Suddenly:
A boy. A faggot. A poet. A singer. An actor. A director. A photographer. A high school teacher. A pot head. A baker of bread. A disease intervention specialist. A videographer. A pornographer. A cashier. A tutor. A shoe salesmen to strippers and drag queens. A sex shop clerk. A partner. An HIV advocate. An amateur sex therapist. A community liaison. A boyfriend. A chair. A trick. An assistant artistic director. A drummer. A wounded healer. A fuck buddy. A faerie. A daddy. A man.
I’m not trying to be disingenuous. I know that beyond being lucky and privileged, I have access to PrEP because I’ve taken some very concrete steps as well. I did lots of introspection. I tried to reduce my risk as much as possible through other means. I did a lot of research. I actively sought out access. I make sure I’m very diligent about taking my pills.
