Because we have written about Larry Kramer’s seminal play about AIDS The Normal Heart several times here in the past, we wanted to bring you an update about the progress of this show from the stage to a filmed version.

Plus we wanted to reprise the slanging match between Larry Kramer and Barbra Streisand, which has turned juicy.

When I interviewed playwright Larry Kramer last year here’s what Kramer said to me about the show’s then cinematic fortunes.

“It seems to be moving along. I have written the screenplay and Ryan Murphy has signed a contract that he has to follow it. He is directing, Mark Ruffalo is to play Ned. That’s all that’s set. I am assuming that shooting will begin next summer but Ryan has not told me so definitely. I know he wants Julia Roberts for Emma. I believe we both want Jim Parsons to repeat his great performance as Tommy. Someday I will write the whole story of ten years with Streisand. Or I won’t!”

It became official last week that Ryan Murphy is indeed to direct The Normal Heart to air on HBO in 2014. The story says “the cast includes Julia Roberts as a paraplegic physician who treats several of the earlier victims of the disease. Mark Ruffalo will play a gay man who witnesses the disease begin to take the lives of many in his community. Matt Bomer (right) plays a reporter in the film who becomes the lover of Ruffalo's character.” It adds “Murphy, co-creator and executive producer of Glee, The New Normal and American Horror Story, previously directed Roberts in the feature film Eat Pray Love.”

The interesting part though is the exchanges between Kramer and Barbra  Streisand who owned the rights to film the movie  for many years, but failed to deliver a production deal, apparently due to money issues. Bitterness ensued and this is where the latest he said/she said controversy comes in, via an exchange of emails which provides for interesting reading.

He said

Larry Kramer’s latest email reportedly reads thus:

'Dear Barbra . . . My fellow warrior against good and evil, all those many years you could have directed it — what happened to all that time? When your options lapsed, I said you could buy it for a million dollars and do whatever you wanted with it .' Kramer wrote in a letter published by the New York Post.  'You kept telling me I wanted too much money. I kept telling you this is my only asset to sell and live on for the rest of my life. (AIDS activists don’t make much money.) You couldn’t tell me what you didn’t like about my screenplays. (God knows I wrote enough drafts for you.).

"Ryan has wonderful ideas that jell and enhance my work. You said you couldn’t get financing. He has his financing. He said if he couldn’t get it, he’d finance it himself. (You chose to remodel and redecorate your houses.) This is a man whose driving passion to make this movie is extraordinary.

She said

Barbra Streisand has replied on her own website thus"

"Larry Kramer does not need me to publicize his beautiful play. It stands on its own. For the last time – I will answer his complaints, which rewrite history.

"When I saw the play in 1985 I was very moved and immediately contacted Larry to acquire the rights. After going through several drafts with Larry, I hired another writer to develop a screenplay that was faithful to Larry’s play -- but adapting it to make it more cinematic. It was finished in 1995. Ralph Fiennes and Kenneth Branagh were interested in doing the version that I oversaw.

"I tried very hard to get it made, but when it became clear that we couldn’t raise the money to do it as a film due to the controversial nature of the material, I thought, all right, we’ll do it on TV. At least it would reach a wide audience. But even HBO would only pay Larry $250,000 for the rights, and he would not let it go forward for anything less than $1,000,000 and no company was willing to move on it.

"After ten years, the rights reverted back to Larry. But even when I had no contractual involvement, I still persisted in pressing to get The Normal Heart made, purely because I believed in the project. As producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron can confirm, I thought that if we could get a great cast together, maybe a studio would finally finance it and we could persuade Larry to let us do it. I offered the part of the doctor to Julia Roberts because I thought she would be terrific. I also asked Mark Ruffalo and Bradley Cooper to be in it, and they said yes to my adaptation of the screenplay. By the way, this is not to say that it wouldn’t have been rewritten again. The work is never done until the movie is released.

"I think it’s unfair to keep blaming me for the movie not getting made. I worked on it for 25 years, without pay. Larry had the rights for the last 15 years and he couldn’t get it made either. Those are the facts, and none of this is news to Larry.

"More recently, he sent me a note before giving the project to another director, asking me again if I wanted to direct it -- but only with his screenplay. As a filmmaker, I couldn’t have my hands tied like that. What if I needed changes? Sadly, I turned his offer down and wished him well.

"I will always believe in Larry’s play and its powerful theme about everyone’s right to love."

The bottom line

I don't think the play is at all about "everyone's right to love?" It's about AIDS, pure and simple, and how the gay community responded to it. Even stars with nothing to lose, like Streisand, can't bring themselves to say the word "AIDS". Too bad.

There is also no doubt that Kramer can be "difficult."  In fact that fact is largely the oil that greases the plot of The Normal Heart, which everyone knows is largely autobiographical. So it's quite possible his being "difficult" didn't help negotiations here.

In any event, the important thing is that it looks like this long delayed project is moving forward  - and that’s good.  This is a story that needs to be told.  Too bad it’s on HBO rather than at your local Cineplex, but HBO movies tend to be a class act, and generally get video distribution afterwards (viz. Angels in America and many more.)

Have to love Larry for his fighting words though – and jabs like “You said you couldn’t get financing. He has his financing. He said if he couldn’t get it, he’d finance it himself. You chose to remodel and redecorate your houses.” Way to go Larry! You were always a fighter of the first degree.

This past week, Azealia Banks got into a twitter war with Perez Hilton when he blogged about her beef with up and coming rapper, Angel Haze. I think in an attempt to shed some light on Azealia's child-like attention seeking behavior he tweeted that he liked her music but she tends to drag others down instead of lifting people up.

Banks then tweeted to Perez, "omg u should just kill yourself…. Like for real" followed by "lol what a messy faggot you are."

Now…I'm not the biggest Perez Hilton fan. I actually have only read a couple of things that he has written. And although I don't always agree with what he has to say, I will defend his right to say it.

And it does seem like Azealia has gone out of her way to have something to say about any other female rapper. She doesn't even have an album out yet. It's just been an EP and singles released. And I have to admit…I was in love with her style and flow, but the more she talked to the press and the more she used social media it made me think twice. It's almost like she is sabotaging her career before it gets started. But we have to remember that she's just a kid from Harlem. Many of her followers along with others on Twitter started an immediate backlash with comments. With gay teen suicides so visible in the news, this was a pretty horrible thing to say to anyone.

We often forget that when you take a child from a less fortunate background and place them in the spotlight it does not mean that they will suddenly gain manners and class. Often they are still the product of their original environment.

So, when she tried to give an explanation for her tweet it went like this…."A faggot is not a homosexual male. A faggot is any male who acts like a female. There's a BIG difference." Then she she added, "If u listen to my music and are not offended by the word nigga….We're not gonna go here with this faggot shit…. We're just not. Lol"

That didn't make it any better. So, she eventually had to apologize to anyone she offended, but made sure she pointed out that she was not apologizing to Perez. The worst thing is that in 2011 Ms. Banks told the New York Times that she is bisexual. Is this a case of a "gay on gay" verbal bashing?

Well, as far as I know….I have never seen Azealia with another woman. It's not like photos of her and her girlfriend are popping up everywhere (like Queen Latifah). All I ever hear about her is that she is in the middle of another fight with someone else on twitter. I think she should shut her account down and just concentrate on her music if she wants to get any further. I mean….performing all over the world is great (and I don't knock a girl for getting' huh money), but she is gonna have to drop an album sometime.

And like American Idol's Fantasia, the media is not going to let her get away with any kind of gay slurs. If you had not heard about Ms. Barrino….she just recently went on a rant on Instagram where she  said "I rise ABOVE IT ALL!! THE WORLD IS GONE MAD. KIDS, GOVERNMENT, THE church House….Everybody trying!!!!! It's a lot that going on that the BIble speaks about we should not be doing. Weed legal in some places, Gay Marriage Legal BUT YET I'M JUDGED!!!"

Obviously Fantasia is feeling the pressure of stealing someone's husband in the public eye. Now she wants to throw everyone under the bus because they won't stop talking about it. There's an old saying…."If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging!"

But back to the supposedly bisexual Ms. Banks. I am beginning to wonder if she just put her sexuality out there to get a built-in following. I remember when suddenly Madonna was very chummy with Sandra Bernhard back in the late 80's. Certainly the rumors of her playing around with girls didn't hurt her career.

You know, when Donna Summer was accused of being homophobic back in the 80's, she immediately suffered a backlash. She sued a publication for misquoting her and even wrote an apology letter to ACT UP to regain her gay fan base.

Well, I guess Azealia's big mouth has finally done her in. It was reported on January 7th that she scoffed at GLAAD's complaint against her statement when she tweeted "Glaad and all these others need to give it a break… Picking and choosing when to be offended….. Pfffft, as fucking if." She continued "As if all 'derogatory' words are not now in 2013, simply just expletives.

And within hours, it was reported that Interscope Records had opted out her record deal. 

But when it comes to Mr. Frank Ocean it really seems odd that he comes out as bisexual right before his album drops and suddenly he is the bell of the ball. SNL snatches him up immediately for a musical guest spot. He's on the MTV Awards. Late Night loves him.

Now, I admit that it took me a minute to fall in love with "Thinking 'Bout You". Really, the House remixes did the trick because I was not feeling the original. As my husband describes it…it sounded like a bad Prince B-side. But I never heard anything else off that album. I saw no other videos and got very few requests for his material. Neither did his album or single go to #1 on the Billboard charts or even sold enough to go "gold". So, how is it that he is nominated for "Song of the Year" at the Grammy's? Is the industry rewarding him for being the first modern day Black Man to come out (even if it was as a bisexual  and not the full monty of Gay)? 

He also recently got into trouble, but it was an arrest for pot possession and speeding on New Years Eve. It's rumored that the guy in the car with him is who he is dating and was giving him head. I personally don't believe it. Until I see him on video or TV in a mad lip-lock with some dude and hands roaming about all over the other guy's person….I ain't buying it! And I don't care if 50 Cent endorses Frank. I believe he's just doing that to sell his own latest album. He thinks by talking to Oprah and standing behind Frank that we are supposed to forget his homophobic lyrics. The Gay Dollar is a powerful one. Don't forget it. The music industry hasn't.

For a brief moment, I had the same problem with Lady GaGa. It seemed like all marketing for her "Born This Way" single with the statements and the uber-gay visuals until I saw her go to Washington DC to meet with President Obama to discuss the issues of gay teen suicide and gay rights. And although I think her image is going to be her downfall, she really put her money where her mouth was. And unlike Madonna in the mid 90's, she hasn't dropped the Gay Community for a movie career. But then again, Lady GaGa hasn't been around as long as Madonna either.

My point being….is it necessary to lie about one's sexuality to gain them as an audience? I think not. For example….there's a rapper named Macklemore (below, right)who is one half of Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and they recorded a great song in support of Gay Marriage called "Same Love". Macklemore is not gay, but he has definitely cemented a gay following. Why? Because he spoke from his heart and the truth about the US and their beliefs on the subject.

But the truth of the matter is that when it comes to marketability the industry wants an artist that looks and sounds like a straight artist but appeals to the gay audience. I guess Nicki Minaj falls right in that category because she's so animated with a large scoop of ghetto and a fake British accent.

So…BUYER BEWARE! Not everything that glitters is GAY. Do your homework and support the real gay artists because if we don't support our own…..who will? 

The Rainbow Tube: Do We Get The Television We Deserve?

This article is a series of personal views covering a selection of TV programmes. There are of course several others which you may feel should be discussed and your own views may differ greatly from mine. Feel free to react.

It’s tempting to think that we’ve never had it so good regarding LGBT representation on TV and I’m sure lots of TV bosses are patting themselves on the back thinking how progressive and inclusive they are. But is it actually true? There may be more mainstream LGBT visibility on the television than ever before but is it a question of quantity trampling all over quality?

To my mind, we more or less reached parity with heterosexual TV programmes when ‘Queer as Folk’ was first shown on Channel 4 in Britain in 1999 and North America in 2000. Its creator, in association with Channel 4, Russell T Davis then sold the idea to Showtime entertainment and Cowlip productions, (Showcase in Canada); retaining editing rights along the way to keep it from being watered down. From 2000 to 2005, the American production turned out to be as good if not better than the original version. This was partly thanks to a large Canadian contribution. The interior scenes were filmed in Toronto and Canadian directors were able to direct more freely than any US directors could have done. This was despite the fact that the series was supposedly set in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

The programme wasn’t originally titled ‘Queer as Fuck’ for nothing, because to every LGBT viewer’s delight, gay life was shown in all its glory, with sex and nudity giving it all the spice you needed short of pornography. Issues were addressed, not the least of which was HIV, and heterosexual North America was confronted with parts of gay life as they actually are and not as the ad-men would like us to see them.

Even in Europe, where viewers are more used to challenging scenes of sexuality and violence, ‘Queer as Folk’ had a huge impact and was widely praised. Eyebrows were raised but mainly by newspaper editors looking for ‘Disgusting, Filth’ headlines and in general, the British and later the American series were critically well received.

So what’s happened since then? Did ‘Queer as Folk’ actually set the standard from which all subsequent LGBT-themed TV is measured? The answer is probably yes but sadly little has lived up to that standard since; not even close. Strangely enough, the American ‘Queer as Folk’ was inclusive within the LGBT community almost to the point of cliché. There was the butch anti hero (still don’t quite understand why a straight man had to play that role but if he was playing gay, he played it very convincingly); the doting friend; the friendship group; two strong lesbian roles; a camp man with a heart of gold and inner strength; an everyman character; the obligatory fag hag (played brilliantly by Sharon Gless) and her brother, who was HIV positive. The UK version was shorter and a little more edgy but to their eternal credit, the directors of the American version took the best of the original and added yet more quality to it to make it truly ground-breaking.

The key to its success was the acting. There were no cheesy or corny roles and almost every character was believable and someone you have probably met in your gay travels. Had the acting been of any lower quality, the sex scenes and plot lines would have been seen as sensation for sensation’s sake. Instead, they were integral to the flow.

That should have set the benchmark for the future and twelve years later we should be revelling in excellent quality LGBT-driven TV shows, fighting for Emmy’s and other show biz gongs. So let’s take a look at other gay themed shows of the last twelve years and compare them to ‘Queer as Folk’. Have we progressed or was ‘Queer as Folk’ a flash in the pan?

You can’t talk about gay TV in the last ten years without mentioning the endlessly–repeated ‘Will and Grace’. A landmark show as far as North American TV is concerned and still popular in Europe, it was never regarded as ground-breaking; far too tame for that. That said, the same ingredients are in the ‘Will and Grace’ mix as in most other shows of its type: the camp gay man; his straight-acting counterpart; the fag hag (in this case, two!) and various other gay or gay friendly characters. It also had its hilarious moments but hardly smashes any taboos unless you count the fact that it appeared on mainstream American TV. Again, more often than not saved by the script and the humour but you can’t avoid the fact that Jack’s character was really a hideous cliché.

In 1993 and 1994, ‘Tales of the City’ and ‘More Tales of the City’ were shown on British TV and then on PBS and Showtime in North America as a miniseries. The idea was good, based on the hugely popular books by Armistead Maupin but for one reason or another it never really took off. Here again, a mix of characters both LGBT and straight but they didn’t translate well to the TV format, despite such actors as Laura Linney and Olympia Dukakis taking major roles. The problem was that the gay characters came over as wooden and one dimensional. The potential was there but the networks declined to go any further.

Since then, we’ve had overtly gay shows such as ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’ on Bravo and ‘One Girl, Five Gays’ on Logo. The latter was a Canadian production that was picked up worldwide but whilst it got to the point as far as an LGBT audience was concerned and although it’s been running for four seasons; its target audience is really too small to ensure mainstream status. ‘Queer Eye’ on the other hand was aimed at straight men (or rather their girlfriends and wives) but once again hammered home the stereotype that gays and fashion or style go together. Carson Cressley provided the high octane camp and thus humour that appears in so many other shows. You get the feeling that producers see this sort of character as being a prerequisite for a straight audience. Women can identify and men aren’t threatened, all of which applies to Cam in ‘Modern Family’, ‘Bryan’ in The New Normal and Jack in ‘Will and Grace’. Compare this to the characterisation in ‘Queer as Folk’ and the credibility gap is enormous.

From 2006 to 2011, ‘Brothers and Sisters’ tried to bridge the ‘realness’ gap by showing its gay characters as ‘normal’ every day guys who you would assume were straight and most people would say that it worked to a large extent. However, the gay plot lines were always subservient to the ‘family’ theme of the show until they adopted a child and created a new ‘family’ within the bigger family thus preserving family values as the central theme. Relatively good and consistent acting plus Dallas/Dynasty types of soap plot lines kept the show interesting until it ran its natural course. However, many would claim that the gay roles were a little too shallow to be taken seriously and truly regarded as ground breaking.

The current show with strong LGBT representation is ‘Glee’ but despite the promising beginning and the immense popularity of this modern ‘Fame’ clone, the writing seems to be on the wall for ‘Glee’. They may be able to squeeze one more series out of it but viewer numbers have tailed off dramatically in the last year. Personally I feel that ‘Glee’ is a chance missed. It’s dominated by its creator Ryan Murphy (who also created ‘The New Normal’) and as such, it seems that the plot lines are becoming thinner by the week. ‘Glee’ has always been known for living in its own particular universe in terms of chronological anomalies and plot consistency. However, whereas in the beginning the viewer was prepared to suspend disbelief, as the Glee club launched into 30 piece orchestral arrangements in the school music room and characters met seemingly fatal accidents yet re-emerged unscathed, lately that has just seemed tired and irritating. The music was and is of good quality and that must have launched the whole Gleeks phenomenon but a necessary rejuvenation of the cast has not caught on with the public and old cast members returning seem somewhat ‘forced’. Even dragging in the Sarah Jessica Parkers of this world has seemed a frankly desperate tactic!

There was however, one LGBT theme that really hit home and became ‘Glee’s high point in the history of gay TV and that was when Kurt was being bullied by the school jock, who then turned out to be closeted and gay. Thanks to strong acting, those scenes made Glee iconic but they couldn’t keep them up. With a lack of realistic and meaningful issues, the frailties of Glee have become ever more apparent. The characters are a smorgasbord of politically correct representatives of society. The black, Asian, disabled, straight, misfit and of course, gay, lesbian and cross-dresser characters could have provided endless powerful storylines which could have genuinely made a difference if handled in the same way as the bullying issue. However, without good scripts, these characters become nothing more than cartoons or at best, caricatures.

Despite huge media exposure that has made them all starlets, you wonder where these people will go now. Broadway may be the best most of them can hope for and Leah Michele may never escape endless ribbing from the ‘Fashion Police’ crew for her red carpet pouting. I can’t personally see Chris Colfer (Kurt Hummel) playing anything else than versions of himself in the future. It’s sad but these were actors tailored to their roles and typecast to the last note; they may disappear without trace. The two actors who will always have an acting future are Jane Lynch (Sue Sylvester) and Kurt’s father Burt, played by Mike O’Malley. In their own different ways, these two bring depth to the show and manage to actually say something about society. It’s ironic that Jane Lynch is a lesbian role model in real life and acidly scathing of all things liberal in the show but she has become iconic as a result.

So to my mind, the Glee furore is almost over and now we can see that it actually wasn’t that ground-breaking after all. It repeated the ‘Fame’ formula and despite its best efforts, filled it with plastic and one dimensional stereotypes. Some people have accused Glee of being so stereotypical that it has actually increased stigma against LGBT people; there may be an element of truth in that; time will tell. Is there anything else currently running then, that could possibly compete with the brilliance and forward thinking of ‘Queer as Folk’?

An Emmy winner three years running; ‘Modern Family’ started in 2009 and superficially has many of the same ingredients of ‘Queer as Folk’ although it has to be said that it’s a comedy and not a drama series. It’s funny in parts and the gay roles are prominent. It’s an ensemble cast centred on three interrelated families which are in turns dysfunctional and meant to reflect foibles in society. The gay characters are probably meant to be slight caricatures (one extremely camp and the other less so) and when the scripts slacken off even a little, appear clichéd to the extreme. Again, the show is saved by good acting but if only the other two components of the extended family were LGBT the show would be more credible because they are intrinsically funnier and actually much ‘gayer’.

The new trend is the parent/child interaction in TV gay relationships. Mothers and their gay sons have long been fodder for comedy but when the gay couple has a child of their own, this is new. It’s repeated in ‘The New Normal’, which could be said to be ‘Glee’ grown up and left school (and has the same creator) and has also been seen in several gay themed films. The child is often world-wise and used to deliver the antidote to societal judgement through his or her asides in the script. However, adding the child bomb to bolster the argument for gay marriage and gay normality, only works if the parents are non-stereotypical and under no circumstances could Mitchell and Cameron from ‘Modern Family’ and ‘Bryan and David’ in The New Normal be seen as anything other than stereotypes. Well-meant maybe but realistic...I don’t think so. To subdue the more extreme audience reactions, there is always a strong heterosexual female presence to act as moral watchdog (the birth mother and grandmother in ‘The New Normal’ and the other close, female, family members in ‘Modern Family’). It’s a bit of a cop-out really and when you compare it to the gritty story lines of adopting a teenager and having a baby in a lesbian relationship that breaks up, as in ‘Queer as Folk’...well the timing should have been the other way round. ‘Queer as Folk’ should have been the progression from shows like ‘The New Normal’ and ‘Modern Family’, instead of the other way round.

Other series like ‘Happy Endings’, ‘Torchwood’, ‘True Blood’ and even unexpectedly, ‘Downton Abbey’ are attempting to improve LGBT visibility on screen by making the gay characters incidental to the main action. They may be gay, or lesbian or transvestite but that is clearly not the issue in the overall themes of the shows. It’s a case of; these people are gay and this is how they sometimes live but it’s no big deal. There is lots of British and Canadian input in these shows, in terms of direction and actors and thereby hangs a tale of how these issues can be modernised. US TV bosses are still reluctant to play the gay card unless it’s a stereotype that is clearly defined and can be judged accordingly. The British and Canadians are much more sophisticated and subtle and know how to win audiences over with realistic and often sympathetic portrayals. What do you first think of when you hear the title ‘True Blood’ for instance? Vampires; shape shifters; the deep South and above all, blood! The fact that there are lip-licking men who regularly strip off and that some of them are gay or at least bisexual; plus the odd lesbian vampire and a superbly acted transvestite in major roles, is a bonus but no big deal and the show appeals to a cross-section of society. ‘True Blood’ has also somewhat lost the plot in its last series, as convoluted story lines make watching it a puzzle. This suggests that it has reached the end of its natural life but its atmosphere, thrilling storylines and good acting mean that it’s a step forward in LGBT representation on the television.

‘Torchwood’ is also a bit of a ground-breaker in that it brings gay characters into science fiction in the same way that True Blood does for fantasy. It started off as a low budget BBC series but has translated well across the Atlantic despite American insistence on the toning down of some gay scenes. Many people may not be aware but it’s actually a Doctor Who spin-off and as such still has a touch of the polystyrene sets and unbelievable storylines that made Doctor Who so successful. The fact that the lead character is an out and out sexual man, who’s mostly gay, seems not to have created the uproar that you might have expected and Torchwood is well on the way to cult status. It also seems to have succeeded in showing gay characters, where films like ‘Star Trek’ and series like ‘Caprica’ have failed.

When an archetypal BBC costume drama like ‘Downton Abbey’ brings in gay plot lines, you know the world has turned on its axis but once again it’s well acted and subtly portrayed, revealing the attitudes of the times. Nobody could accuse ‘Downton Abbey’ of being great acting but its well-written soap plots have got audiences hooked across the world. Quietly introducing a credible gay element is symbolically important for LGBT representation in 2012 – not earth shattering but a good sign for the future.

In conclusion, to my mind nothing has emerged since ‘Queer as Folk’ to challenge its status as best gay-themed show ever. Modern shows tend to be formulaic and use far too many stereotypes (and I haven’t even mentioned ‘Ru Paul’s Drag Race’!). They veer away from gritty realism because they are desperate for viewing figures and rankings to ensure repeat series being made. Producers and writers think they are being innovative by introducing gay marriage and adoption issues but the characters behind them lack enough depth to make them credible and LGBT humour is constantly delivered by outworn stereotypes who promote camp bitchiness as our comedy niche. Soaps in the UK and the rest of Europe invariably have gay storylines and some work better than others but Joe public doesn’t bat an eyelid anymore and that indicates their success in bringing gay life into what’s seen as the normal mainstream view of society as a whole. However, television’s mega bucks are still made in North America and syndicated shows sold across the world are still mainly US-made. There, the ability (or will) to modernise the LGBT profile seems to be lacking. Who dares doesn’t win in that sort of atmosphere and even Hollywood hasn’t moved on from ‘Brokeback Mountain’ and ‘Milk’.

The best series ever from an LGBT viewpoint is now twelve years old and we haven’t moved very far since but in the States, it’s still all to do with money and pleasing Middle America or the political and religious right. The last US election saw politicians claiming that there was a homosexual plot to destroy society. Daring new TV series aren’t likely to make much headway in the near future in that sort of climate. Hopefully countries like Britain and Canada will continue to push the boundaries backed up by great work coming out of other European countries such as Spain and Germany. Maybe the future lies in web series like ‘Barcelona’ and ‘Where the Bears Are’ although at the moment, these fall victim to financial squeezes after promising starts.

YouTube, Vimeo and the like may also be able to play a role in the future, as viewers latch on to new ways of viewing film. As for HIV on the TV; it might as well be the Bubonic Plague for the amount of coverage it currently gets. Queer as Folk once again set the benchmark and included it as a fact of life but we shouldn’t hold our breath while waiting for Blaine, or Cam, or the blood soaked vampires to finally fall foul of the virus.

So much has changed in a year. It would be this time last year I received an email from someone I knew at The Stephen Lewis Foundation requesting I participate in their Dare Campaign. It's a pledge campaign to raise money based on a dare, not dissimilar to The Breast Cancer Walk etc.  

My challenge was stand-up.  I'd wanted to do it but was too chicken shit to do so. I had comic friends and had played with improv. But the thought of going up and bombing was too frightening. Where do you start? How do you figure out material when you've never had an audience to gauge it by.  

As with everything, once you pick a date, it will happen.  I did, and it happened and I killed that night (thank god or I probably would have never done it again). 

Up until then I had been working on this national online magazine for people who are HIV positive in order to foster a sense of online community.  

It was hard going into comedy and walling off this (HIV) part of my life. It's such an ordinary thing in my life and in the lives of most people I know. We accept it (as there is no choice) and we move on integrating into our loves and a new sense of normalcy is achieved.  

However, no matter how hard I try, I can't keep my mouth shut about it.  Not that I want to talk about it all the time, but I have nothing to be ashamed about. If I feel I want to talk about it, I have every right to since pedophilia, rape jokes and general misogyny have found homes in comedy, after all. And if there is room in comedy for that, then there's plenty of room for me.  

There is a secret part of me that does like to freak people out. Not in that they should be freaked about my status, but rather that I'm so open about it, that I don't bat an eye. I've shared my life literally with thousands of people prior to there even being an internet.  I have about the same emotional attachment to the subject as a hooker giving her 10,000th hand job. So to see people be shocked by my dark humour is in some ways rewarding. 

Do you know how much stupidity we have to deal with? What it's like to wonder if someone will only think of me as this weird being with a virus and not just Brian Finch the moment I talk about it? If the shoe is on the other foot in terms of uncomfortableness, then so be it. Try it on and see what it feels like, cause I sure could use a break from time to time. 

None of this would have been possible if it were not for the process of my becoming Jewish. This was the first time I stepped out of my protected safe world where I could be a big mouth, write crazy articles and gain community profile. Once I stepped out of this world, I reverted back to the old quiet, scared and shy me.  

You see, I never felt anyone could really accept me as me unless I hid significant aspects of my life.  I wasn't comfortable about sexuality my entire life. I separated myself from my family, basically living a double life. This was the beginning of my compartmentalization. 

Family got to know certain things, friends another. This carried on for a long time. Then I got into the drugs, something else not to share with family. This continued for a very long time, in fact until the Jewish process began (and Facebook). 

Obviously there are a lot of things that were not appropriate to share at that time. But at least I could talk openly about being gay, and, with some, even about being positive. It's a hard topic to avoid when I was the founder of an online magazine and am asked what I did for work.  This, my friends, is why I hate that question as an aside. 

Once into the process of converting, I was starting out to hang out with straight guys. I've never done this before. Call me old fashioned, but kicked in the head once, twice shy. And I retained that through out my life. Straight guys were the enemy. They were the oppressors who would go out on purpose to seek people like myself and beat them to near death. Once just stopping into a 7/11 late at night (and on acid, go figure) in Winnipeg was a near death experience.  

There were years of harassment from the way I looked to the way I spoke. For years I mumbled because my voice had been mocked so much I just didn't have enough self-esteem to be actually heard. It is because of this I started working with a voice coach, not just for the quality of voice but the baggage that goes with it. 

Take all of this, and the idea of performing in front of straight crowds, mostly, and getting up and just being myself, serostatus included, has taken a lot of work.  Most people don't know I started public speaking at the age of 23 and have been on all the media, a documentary even, and a social marketing campaign. Also I worked as a corporate trainer where I had to be the company cheerleader. There are still masks to hide behind in these roles. It wasn't unitl comedy that I could take the mask off.  

So it is with this long preamble that I express so much gratitude for those who have been so supportive over the last year. January 18th will be a year at working on stand-up. I can't possibly name everyone. 

You are the people who treat me exactly the same once you know everything about me. I can't tell you enough that such a simple thing means a lot.  

You have encouraged me to do stand-up and storytelling. 

You've talked to me when I'm having challenges and helped me remember that yes. I am funny even if not every set is stellar. 

You've given me great notes to help with material. 

You are people who understand that this is a journey, not a goal to be a headliner at Yuk Yuks (that would be great – but not the ultimate goal). 

You are the straight dudes that joke with me in a way that makes me feel like one of the guys and girls. (Probably more of the girls. let's face it.)  

You've invited me to your shows.  

You've taught great workshops 

You are challenging me to dig deeper and work harder.  

You inspire me to walk through the fear. 

Some special shoutouts go to: 

Brian Ward - first guy to tell about the rooms. etc here. 

Erin Rodgers - quickly became friends and coproduced a show together.

Catherine McCormick - amazingly supportive and sticks to her guns.

Marilla Wex - what can I say! 

Zeb Pike - taught me str8 guys don't bite, well they do, but that's why they're straight :-) 

Sage Tyrtle - her wonderful storytelling workshop is amazing, and she's even abetter faciliator.

Todd Turtle – If were a girl, I’d marry him, sorry Sage.

Tracey Erin Smith - whose soft and articulate direction allows me to think, "I can do it." 

Joanna Downy - for getting me up at Spirits. 

Scott Thompson for being so supportvie with the new people. 

Shannon McDonough - super fab and supportive.

Maggie Cassella & The Flying Beaver - "When you have an hour come back, I'll book ya." 

Blair E. Streeter - cause he's amazing.

Sandra Shamas - very supportive and for coming out to our storytelling show. 

Eli Jakeman - (Rene squeaks in there too) only straight guy I have competitions on who is gayer, oh ya and it’s not gay if you are doing it for money.

Scott Dell - who sat down in order to stand up and give me an ovation, which is the golden seal of offensiveness approval. 

Joel West - got to know him better with our last "Tales of", great guy to work with. Love his stories.

Phil Luzi & Sandra Battaglini - for just being you.

Shelly Marshall - don't know what to say other than she's great & her lesbian daughter could beat me up. 

Brenda Lennie - for being so great, and getting me on her shows when I started. 

Jim Maxwell - for giving me motivation for all these changes. 

Anto Man-Ming Chan - very cool guy & super supportive

Rene Armondo Payes - for just being you.

Jennifer McAuliffe - as well being so encouraging. 

Paul Bellini - just read his book, you'll know why. 

Zabrina Chavennes - cause she is so funny, and supportive.

Jennifer Gee – amazing workshop partner and a lot of fun.

Marco Bernardi - for being so warm and actually giving me a hug in Caplansky's the first time we met (no I'm not stalking). 

And a special thank you to the folks who continue to keep PositiveLite.com going. It's been a privilege to create it. One thing I've learned this year is that I like to create, but I suck at managing. So here's to another great year for PositiveLite.com.  

There's a lot more so don’t feel left out. People can have the biggest impact with the smallest gestures. These are just a few names that stick out over the year. 

As we head into New Year's Eve I also think it's important to think back with some gratitude over the last year.  Usually I hate the year just past and think, "Thank Christ year X is over". It's been a great year of transition, new friends, new collegaues and most of all, new challenges and opportunities to grow. None of this happens in a vacuum, but within communnity.  

I just know that 2013 is going to be a great year. Now if I could just brush up on some Middle East comedy, I could hit some open mics during my month long stay in Israel. 

You know….a man never forgets finding his first chest hair in his whiskey. Especially if it isn't his. And believe it or not, that's how I feel about 2012. While some great things happened during this year, there were quite a few moments I was extremely disappointed with.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I am overjoyed that Obama was re-elected, but the process was despicable! Watching the U.S. show the real underbelly of racism and ignorance was just embarrassing. Seeing how divided the country is on issues of gay marriage and women's rights really put in perspective how old white men are afraid of losing their hold over their world. But it was inevitable that "change" would have to come. From eating Chick-fil-a to assinine Republican mouthpieces like Reihan Salam, my home country really showed their asses. But it was kind of amusing to watch the Republican Party implode with all their old ideas and racist rhetoric.

And speaking of racism, it is a sad note the year that saw the United States' first African-American President's re-election has to also be known for what I believe is one of the worst films ever. Of course I am speaking of Quentin Tarantino's "Django Unchained". From the moment I saw the first previews, I was disgusted. Tarantino's obsession with Black Culture is sick. I really wish he would stop writing scripts that allow him to use the N-word. And apparently the N-word is said about 110 times throughout the film. I was really happy to hear that Spike Lee came out against "Django" (as many should).

There's a situation that has happened here in Toronto with a popular drag performer named Donnarama that has opened a conversation about when is it racism or when it is art. I was not at this performance, but it sparked quite a controversy in the Huffington Post when Donnarama performed a medley of songs in a make-shift burka that also had fake bombs attached to her outfit at Woody's (a popular bar on Church Street in the Gay Village). So a social worker and writer for the Huffington Post decided to complain about how he was offended by her show. Sounds simple and clean, but it wasn't. It sparked a lot of outrageous reactions on facebook and other social media sites. I actually believe the comments that followed were worse than what was done on stage or the original blog.

There have been a few incidents in Toronto that have had racial overtones, like a burlesque performer named Dew Lilly who performed in blackface or the DJ team, Yes-Yes-Ya'll being boo-ed and told to get off the main stage at Pride. In all these situations there seems to be a consensus that our non-people of color have a sense of entitlement when deciding what is racist and what is not. I had major problems playing "N#%gas In Paris" (which has been nominated for a Grammy for Best Rap Song) because I didn't like the idea of white customers coming to me asking for it. If they knew how that word has hurt and plagued so many of my people I don't think they would use it so easily. I'm married to a white man and I couldn't make him say the N-word for anything in the world. Why? Because he understands what a hateful and hurtful word it is. And no matter how many times Nicki Minaj,  Azealia Banks, Jay Z or Kanye West use it in their songs, it still doesn't lessen the sting of it or change the meaning for me. Watching my grandmother being spit on and called a "nigger" in a grocery store in Florida in the 70's has never left my mind. And that is why I don't use the word. I say to all my friends, please try to listen and put yourself in someone else's shoes when you hear them speak against racism.

"The internet has created a space where people feel like they can say anything without consequences."

I can't stop anyone from using the n-word, but I can set an example for those around me. So, I can only imagine the unrest that Rahim Thawer felt when he decided to speak against Donnarama's performance. The horrible things that were said about him also reminded me of the comments that were said about Cecil Singleton when he decided to come forward with his story about his underage relationship with the voice of Elmo. The internet has created a space where people feel like they can say anything without consequences. But with all the suicides and folks losing their jobs because of facebook posts, you'd think that someone would get a clue.

And it was heartbreaking to end the year with the shooting at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. The noticeable absence of gun control as an issue during the election was really brought home with this shooting. And the one thing neither candidate wanted to bring up came back to bite them in the ass. So, now it's put up or shut up for Obama. But again, here's another U.S. issue that is so embarrassing to even talk about. Literally about a month before the shooting, I was trying to explain to someone here in Toronto that not all Americans carry guns and then this happens. I have never owned or held a gun. Most of the people I know are the same, but there are plenty of gun owners in the country and they believe that everyone should own a gun. They don't think that guns are the problem. They will blame anything and everything else except the guns. And honestly….they can put all the bans on assault weapons they want, there are too many guns already out there to fix this problem. That's just my opinion. I hate what happened and I hate guns, but what are they going to do? What can they do? And now folks are calling for Piers Morgan to be deported because he spoke out against the U.S. for their 2nd Amendment on gun laws. Really?

I normally write about music. 2012 was the year of Pop crap that you couldn't get out of your head. Kesha's "Die Young" got dropped off radio playlists and took a nose dive on the charts after the shooting. In my review, I actually said that it was irresponsible for her to write such a song. Then she lied and said she didn't write the song and had a problem singing it.  What a stupid idiot!

And speaking of stupid idiots…..Rihanna. Need I say more? What a set of balls on this one! Opens the year with a duet with Chris Brown with lyrics about having sex with him. He doesn't gets what he wants and then goes online and trashes her. Makes a mix tape version of Kanye West's "Theraflu" where he disses her again. Then she's spotted out with him over the summer. That breaks up his relationship with some other stupid girl. Now they have another duet together on her new album called "Nobody's Business". Three weeks ago, she is tweeting photos of Chris sleeping in her hotel room in Paris. Then she cries on her Oprah interview that she was worried about him and not herself when the beating took place. I know I'll have to play both of their music in order to stay employed, but I no longer have respect for her at all. She's a sad girl in my opinion.

"YouTube hits and Facebook likes are not a career."

But a musical highlight for me this year was hearing that Justin Bieber got boo-ed at the halftime show at the Grey Cup. I am so sick of this young lesbian look-a-like. I never really cared for him to begin with. And after I read his comments about being gay is a choice, I really had no use for him. And his acceptance speech at the American Music Awards this year really left a bad taste in my mouth as well. He accused his critics of just being "haters" and that they are jealous of his success. Bitch…you only have a couple of albums. Come back when you have a complete body of work as an artist. YouTube hits and Facebook likes are not a career. And like most of today's flava of the moment, you will slide down the charts into obscurity. Ask Eminem, Marilyn Manson, 50 Cent and Aaron Carter. And like I said early in 2012, your need to prove that you aren't a kid anymore is gonna be your undoing.

And I really hate Justin for helping Carly Rae Jepsen with launching the most unforgettable piece of crap to ever hit the airwaves…."Call Me Maybe". The only good thing about that song being a hit is that she won't be able to top it. So, "One Hit Wonders" here she comes!

Another person who irritated me this year was the lovely and talented Britney Spears (that was sarcasm if you didn't catch it). Like Christina Aguilera before her, Britney proved that being a judge on a singing competition reality show can really accentuate how much of a superficial bitch she is. She came off so condescending that I wanted to jump throw the television screen and choke her. Every time she said "sweetie" I wanted to vomit! The nerve of her judging anyone on their vocal abilities was just absurd, but I guess Simon needed a new Paula Abdul. And her new single with the ever-so-lyrically-deep Will.I.Am made me want to stop playing Pop music all together. Did you know that all the crap that they featured in the music video for "Scream & Shout" cost $808,284.95?. None of that crap had anything to do with the song. It's just a commercial for more things that we don't really need (except for an amputee who might need the prosthetic hand).

2012 also saw many deaths. Besides the death of Kevin Clash's career, we lost many musical and entertainment legends. We all heard about Etta James, Don Cornelius, Whitney Houston, Donna Summer, Phyllis Diller, Gore Vidal, Bob Welch, Adam Yauch, Andy Griffin, Marvin Hamlisch, Alex Karras, Dave Brubeck, Andy Williams, Larry Hagman and Jack Klugman. And they along with so many others will be missed, but the deaths of gay suicides by teens like Jack Reese, Phillip Parker and Jamie Hubley really stuck in my soul. The "It Gets Better" Campaign is great, but it seems like more kids are dying after being bullied at an alarming rate. I'm happy that there are more programs in schools and more outreach to get students who are bullied to go talk to someone, but it still breaks my heart that there are ones still slipping through the cracks. We will never know the extent of pain in one's heart. And I hope most of us will never know.

But with all my complaints about the past year, it wasn't all bad. I actually accomplished a couple of goals this year. I wanted to start another talent competition where new artists and performers could come and sharpen their craft and I did. TOP STAR debuted at Statlers on August 1st. It had a great run there until November. I had a great article written about my show and me in FAB Magazine by Paul Bellini (famous writer for "Kids In The Hall"). Unfortunately it was cancelled shortly after the article was published. But the good news is that it got picked up by The Flying Beaver a week later. We debut there on January 2nd.

And my other accomplishment was the launch of my POZ-TO Dance Party at CLUB 120. It's a monthly benefit for the POZ Community. There's no cover but we do ask that you donate $5 to go to ACT or donate nonperishable food to the PWA Foundation. Last year this time I wanted to do something for my community and now I am.

I'm hopeful for 2013. Sure…the U.S. may go over the fiscal cliff. Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey may be the end of American Idol. Hillary may consider a run in 2016. And I won't be seeing Tom Cruise's new effort, "Jack Reach-Around". Honestly…how many bad-asses can he play? For God's sake….we have seen him dancing in his underwear! All I know is that this is the best time in my life. I actually feel like I have the power to change my world. I hope that everyone realizes that if they represent change in their own lives they can really change the world. I've got a loving husband and an endless amount of creativity. Let's just hope that others in my community will be up for some change. I know I am!

Our first meeting on-camera was six years ago. The memory of it pains me still, despite my enthusiasm for appearing on national television for any reason whatsoever. 

“And how long have you been off drugs?” he asked. The look in his eyes carried a journalist’s skepticism. The intense lights of the CNN studio seemed to brighten at the question.

“Six months,” I answered. The idea of appearing at the anchor desk with Don Lemon was losing its allure. Granted, I wanted to help promote the documentary Meth, and discuss gay men, drug abuse, and my own crystal meth addiction. But the interview had become too real, too well lit, and far too direct for me to escape the truth with my usual manipulations.

“And where are you living now?” Don asked me. I felt flush, reddened by shame and by the pitiful answer I was now obligated to give.

“I live in a halfway house with other men recovering from addiction, Don.”

My mother is watching, I thought. My friends. And people who know me who will be far too polite to ever mention they saw this.

Don Lemon’s news story was insightful and illuminated a very real health threat to gay men. And it featured an actual gay drug addict on camera. A well-spoken one, but an addict just the same.

In the six years since those uncomfortable few minutes, I published a book about living in Los Angeles during the dawn of AIDS. I embraced my HIV status by launching my blog, My Fabulous Disease. And despite relapses and lessons along the way, I have faced my addiction and loosened its grip on my life and productivity.

And so, as fate would have it, I found myself back at Don Lemon’s desk recently, live on the air, to talk about living with HIV and how I was combating stigma with weapons of joy and good humor (pictured above, with video link below).

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/health/2012/12/02/lemon-mark-king-intv.cn

I have no explanation why I should be so lucky as to appear twice on CNN, the second serving to wash away the discomfort of the first. There’s no reason except the unimaginable grace that has carried me through the last six years.

Don’s studio is much larger now, and both his command of the newscast and his popularity have grown accordingly. During the few minutes of commercial break before our segment, he welcomed me to the desk like an old friend.

The lighting was just as intense as my first visit, revealing my bright grin, lined with age and survival and experience. I didn’t complain. I even asked if it could be brighter in the studio. “Madonna lighting, please,” I joked to the crew as I took my seat.

There was no mention of crystal meth. No doubting glances or talk of halfway houses. Instead, Don smiled as he introduced me, assuring his viewers this story about AIDS was a little bit different, and then pronounced me “a trip.” I beamed with pride, more grateful to be there, discussing this topic, than anyone watching could ever know.

I wasn’t the only one who had a newfound lightness of being. Since our first meeting, Don had published Transparent, a book about his life and career that included coming out publicly as a gay man. He’s familiar with being an “other,” and with fighting shame in order to reveal who you are. We had both found a path to freedom paved with rigorous honesty.

We talked about HIV stigma and Madonna lighting. He shared a story of seeing an AIDS patient on a New York City street years ago. I interjected my new favorite topic, the injustice of HIV criminalization. We were two very different men comfortable in our own skin, who refused to allow shame a place at the table.

At the end of our interview I began to shake his hand and something remarkable happened. Don stood and reached out for a hug. It was surprising for an anchor, maybe even awkward for a brief second, and then the sweetness of the gesture won out as we embraced.

The humanity – and perhaps even bravery – of his simple act wasn’t lost on viewers, many of whom wrote to tell me how moving it was.

But for me, it was something more. Don Lemon, who remembered our first visit and never mentioned the circumstances, who knew this interview meant growth for me, a sort of redemption perhaps, and who even knew a little about overcoming shame himself, reached out in a gesture of support.

A hug.

This article first appeared on Mark S. King’s own blog My Fabulous Disease here.