I have some amazing friends for you to meet. 

Beginning two years ago, TheBody.com asked me to produce a series of videos (“A Day in the Life: Keeping Up With Your HIV Meds”) that would profile a person living with HIV, what their day looks like, and how their medication regimen fits into their daily routine. It was a great opportunity to highlight the everyday lives of people living with HIV, but also to let their spirit and passions come through, and show we are whole people — not simply the virus.

The profile subjects came from all walks of life, in various cities around the United States, and their personalities and interests — their families, their hobbies, and even how they became HIV positive — were all I needed for inspiration.

Below are the eleven videos that have been produced to date for the series (an ongoing feature on TheBody.com). They are each less than ten minutes long; just scroll through them below and find a story that sounds like yours — or better yet, hear what the journey of someone completely different from you is like! Are you ready?

Episode 1: Damaries Cruz

Damaries is from South Florida and could not have been more lovely; we laughed a lot during our day together. Her strength is what impressed me most: she did not come to the decision to start HIV medications lightly. She really did her research before she began a regimen. Filming her story was also a great excuse to hit the beach, since she loves to find her peace and tranquility on that gorgeous sand.

Click here to read the rest of Mark’s article from his blog, My Fabulous Disease.

The AIDS Committee of Guelph & Wellington County is currently entered in a contest to win Canada’s Worst Charity Website. It’s a self-deprecating title for sure but one that we’re more than willing to accept. Why? Because this is a contest that awards the winner with a $20,000 website makeover.

One of the reasons we’re so eager to win this opportunity is because we know how important a good website is to the population we serve. A lot of people access health information online. Especially information about HIV. Let’s face it, it takes a lot of courage to have a frank, open discussion about sex – and especially about HIV, STIs and unprotected sex. This is even more so considering how many different types of sex are stigmatized or considered socially deviant thanks to homophobia, sexism, and, in my opinion, narrow definitions of what is considered to be normal, healthy, sexual behaviour. Our sexual practices are a lot more diverse that we openly admit, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t need access to information about risk and HIV. 

We also know that more and more people are accessing websites through their phone or mobile devices. This is one of the reasons we created the iPhone app. We want to help people get the information they need when they want it, how they want it. To us, this is part of meeting people where they’re at, and part of being accessible. Getting access to information on a mobile device can be really useful, for instance, if you are in the middle of sexual decision making, negotiating safer sex, or trying to determine where to get tested. Mobile devices are really helpful because they are just that – mobile. We’d love to have a website that is friendly to mobile devices.

Our funds go where they are intended and where they are most deserving – to programming for people living with, affected by, and at risk to HIV & AIDS. We simply don’t have the funds to spend on web design, something that could be considered an “overhead” cost. But at the same time, we really believe that a great website would have an important educational benefit, and we’ve been excited about the prospect of being able to make it happen.

Our biggest competition right now seems to be the Ferret Aid Society and the Wild Bird Care Centre. Please vote for us! You can vote once a day, every day until April 5 at www.worstcharitywebsite.ca. Just head to the website and then click “vote” under ACG. Thank you for your help!

From Wikepedia: “Newfie (also Newf or sometimes Newfy) is a colloquial term used in Canada for someone who is from Newfoundland.”

I’m sitting with Tom, better known as newfiebear, over a coffee at the Second Cup on Toronto’s main drag, Yonge Street. The place is pretty crowded, and I’m wondering what eavesdroppers might think of a conversation potentially full of references to gay sex. But Tom’s an open man, seemingly with few secrets.  And that includes his HIV status.  “Do ask, do tell” is his approach to life – and to sex. So there seem few worries about the folks just feet from us hearing.

Tom, who I think probably is more comfortable with newfiebear, the handle on his various profiles and the man behind newfiebear.net     – more on that later – is a tall, friendly, 48-year old. He looks younger.  Professing to be shy, he hides it well, smiles easily and laughs a lot. He’s the kind of heart-on-your-sleeve guy you feel instantly at home with. I like him at once.

His story?  He moved to Toronto from Newfoundland 14 years ago and in 2004 became HIV-positive. He took it badly and turned to substance use and after a really bad experience tried to commit suicide. After a spell in rehab, he turned things around and started to educate himself and learn everything he could about HIV, volunteered at different AIDS Service Organizations, ending up at the AIDS Committee of Toronto (ACT).

Through all this “I developed a website for men who have sex with men – I don’t like labels” he says “to help stop people from contracting HIV and STIs. I’m from the bear community and I wanted to have a website for gay men like myself and especially for the bear community where if someone is looking for sexual health information, community support or is living with HIV or if someone is having a hard time with substance, it’s all in one place. So there is lots of information on the site and also community support links, mostly for downtown Toronto, but the information I post about – there are links to a lot of information sites like TheBody.com and PositiveLite.com -  is global. I also have an email where people can ask me any questions at   This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .  I get a lot of global visitors. I get about 1,500 hits to my main page each week.”

Newfiebear.net’s home page gives more clues to Tom’s welcoming personality. “Good day” it says under a photo of the Newfoundland landscape with a cuddly looking bear in the corner. “Thanks for visiting NewfieBear.net“ with a chatty reminder to put your clocks forward this past weekend. “This site is a free information base for all men who have sex with men regarding sexual health, community support, living with HIV and external Information inks . There are also some links regarding sexually adventurous men who are into some kinky sexual acts.” Clearly this newfiebear has a wild side!

His page for people living with HIV comes with a multitude of links – about smoking, about disclosure, about STIs but also comes with this delightful header: “WARNING. There are people in the world that will try and prevent you from spreading your wings. Be strong and move forward. Believe in yourself!”

Tom is a graduate of GPS (Gay Poz Sex) of which he speaks enthusiastically and about which we have written here. GPS is  a confidential, group-based, peer-led program that supports HIV-positive gay and bisexual men in making choices related to their sexual, mental and physical health. Says Tom “It’s an excellent course, I would recommend it to anybody who is HIV-positive.  It’s not just about condoms, but all the different aspects of sex, your fears, substance use, harm reduction, etc."

I asked Tom how GPS helped him personally. “It actually helped me on my own quest for personal self care. I also wanted to have more sex.”

“Did It work?”

“Oh yes, I actually had more sex. It opened up more communication.”  Tom launches in to how it helped him develop his recipe for sexual compatibility, starting with the three-minute coffee chat . “It’s now five”  he says with a grin, talking about his preferred way of screening potential mates that hinges on his “do ask, do tell” policy. So if you want to get frisky with newfiebear these days, expect to be asked not only about your status, but your STI history and more. “Don’t get me wrong” he says on his website. “Online hookups work for some individuals.  All I am saying is my experiences chatting with guys online are a lot different and are much more successful face to face.”

Following GPS, Tom participated in a new program G=MC2, (Gay Men Creating Community) a gay men’s validation series of workshops.  It's a six week program “all about how we can validate ourselves and others.” Again he says “it changed me for the better”.

Tom also has a thing about smoking and his website links to the UK GMFA Quit Smoking page for gay men and Tom's own video page features newfiebear talking about what stopping smoking has done for him, including increasing his sex drive. (He raises an arm in the video to illustrate improved erections). Since quitting cold turkey not long ago, after almost a lifetime of heavy smoking and six failed cessation attempts (“it was very hard at first” he says) he has started a small support group for people in the process of quitting who meet once a week. “There are five people in the group and three of us – myself and two other guys – have not had a cigarette for 61 days. What helps us is that we talk about our triggers and how we overcome them.”

Our conversation keeps returning to sex. Tom isn’t shy to talk about his own sexual strategies. He serosorts, in other words preferring to have sex with poz guys. “Ever since the legal issues about disclosure came out, I’m kind of worried about that.  I don’t want to deal with that.” He’s not a fan of barebacking though. “I’m actually using the second generation female condom. It gives you the sensation of barebacking. I’m HIV and I don’t want to catch anything else. Being HIV is enough.”

I asked newfiebear if disclosing to guys results in rejection sometimes.

“Oh yes, lots of times. It’s their choice, it happens. You are going to get to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince. And I’m still going through the frogs.  But you have to be proactive. Sometimes I feel bad about it, but I have techniques for dealing with it.  I’ll go to High Park and walk around and talk to the squirrels.”

The conversation is drawing to a close, and I have to go. Our neighbouring tables seem either unaware or unphased by the frank discussion we’ve been having. Or perhaps they hear talk about barebacking, improved erections and female condoms everyday here.

In any event, one thing is clear as we say goodbye; sharing is what newfiebear is all about, and it's his passion, whether over coffee in downtown Toronto or globally, via the world-wide web. 

Check out his website here. 

Follow newfiebear on twitter at @NewfieBear_net.

In the course of a few short months, Lee Thompson (“Uncle Poodle” to reality TV watchers) has managed to personify a variety of hot button issues among gay men today. He has come out as gay and HIV-positive. He has sent an ex-lover to jail and sent nude pictures via Grindr. 

Or not. Depending on whom you believe. Let’s break down the strange case of Uncle Poodle.

In what we can all agree was a positive development, Thompson publicly came out as gay last year and evidently has the love and support of much of his family, the colorful clan of the TLC reality show “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.” He instantly became an ally and friend of gays everywhere. So far, so good.

Then, in a recent interview with the Atlanta gay magazine Fenuxe, Thompson made the announcement that he tested HIV-positive in May of 2012. What was startling, though, was his explanation of his infection. Thompson claimed that not only had an ex-lover knowingly infected him, but that the man is currently serving a five-year sentence for non-disclosure of his HIV status (an example of what is known as HIV Criminalization).

Almost immediately the details of the story were questioned (by everyone except Fenuxe magazine, which did not delve into the prosecution in their piece; the writer simply “applauded” Thompson’s bravery). Journalist Todd Heywood posed serious questions about the case, including the timeline between Thompson’s infection and the reported prosecution, which would have happened in mere months. Heywood also scoured court records from Georgia to Alabama and could find no evidence of any such case. Requests for more information from Thompson’s people have garnered no response. The defendant has never been identified.

Did Uncle Poodle lie about sending the ex-lover to jail? And why the hell would he do that?

It is my opinion that Thompson made up the prosecution story. And in doing so, he behaved in much the same way that most everyone does who tests HIV positive these days. He looked for someone else to blame. He played the innocent victim. He released himself from personal responsibility.

Because everybody knows that when you test HIV-positive, you don’t call your doctor to start treatment. You call the police to press charges.

Stigma is driving these actions, of course. People who become positive today are judged for being “bad,” for not following the rules, for failing the community and becoming one of the great unwashed. It makes no difference that they were simply caught being human, that they let down their guard for a moment or got drunk or didn’t care or stupidly fell in love. Their friends will furrow their brows. Their dating life will wither.

And so, someone must pay for these indignities. That is one reason HIV criminalization laws have prospered – they appeal to our sense of vengeance. They are also vessels of homophobia, sexism and racism, considering how badly the laws are applied and how often prosecutions run counter to public health or even common sense (some convictions have imposed jail time for decades even when condoms were used and no one was infected, and advocates believe people forgo HIV testing in fear of being prosecuted). Conservative lawmakers and prosecutors — who don’t believe people with HIV should be having sex at all — are more than willing to exploit our feelings of revenge when testing positive so they can lock up some diseased fags.

I empathize with those who test positive today. They suddenly find themselves on my side of the viral divide, and for some, their hearts and minds may not have made the crossing yet. Perhaps they have unresolved issues about becoming infected. Whatever their circumstances, testing positive is a major life event and I can understand if some have an impulse to lash out.

And I believe that Lee Thompson did exactly that when he reported sending the man who infected him to jail. The man who no one can identify. The case that no one can locate.

Things have just gotten a little more complicated for our Uncle Poodle. Now, someone who claims to have communicated with Thompson on Grindr is trying to sell naked photos that Thompson supposedly sent him (isn’t humanity grand?). Thompson being linked to Grindr — the app about which controversy recently arose when a survey indicated half of its users were engaging in bareback sex — presents a delicate situation indeed.

People living with HIV have every right to “full and satisfying sexual and emotional lives,” as the Denver Principles stated thirty years ago. There is no evidence or details about Thompson’s sexual life or choices, so let’s simply hope he is conducting himself as someone with intimate knowledge of HIV non-disclosure laws, considering his contention that he sent someone to jail for withholding their status. The sword cuts both ways, and I worry for him.

Lee Thompson certainly has faced his share of scrutiny, living as an HIV-positive gay man in the rural South, much less someone connected to a wildly popular reality series. But he should consider his moves, both public and private, very, very carefully. Because we don’t simply like to tear down celebrities, or save our judgment and revenge for those with the thickest skin.

As we prove time and again, we can do it to the very best of friends.

Mark

PLUS…

Thank you for your stunning readership in recent weeks, my friends. In particular, the recent post “Your Mother Liked It Bareback” broke all traffic records on my site. I will admit to being precociously provocative with that one, and especially appreciate the comments you left, which proved far more interesting than the post itself. I do believe, as Gus Cairns remarked, that much of this passionate debate is driven by the pure grief so many of us experienced — and that is nothing to be taken lightly. My point remains that our emotions have little to no effect on the fact that nearly half of gay men don’t use condoms at least some of the time; validating other prevention tools isn’t a threat to condom use; and finally, what are we doing for the 50% of gay men not using condoms — or are they expendable?

This article first appeared on Mark’s own site, My Fabulous Disease, here.