The wind speaks, moving and clearing in its silence and in its turbulence: To cleanse the air and earth, to churn the water depths, to disturb a Redwood’s roots.
The winds of change provide just that. If we’re lucky.
Yet we resist. Digging in deeper, resisting with more refusal, more strength. We believe we sill stand the storm. Resist or perish. Change or perish. The fight of every human, every day, every moment.
At this moment of change, again life presents a choice. Resist or surrender. As much as we know change is inevitable, change too, may like everything else in our modern lives, be subconsciously perceived to be “manageable.” See it, then dominate it. Control it. Manage it.
Perhaps this is the game we play with HIV. Now 35 years later, with contemporary knowledge of the virus and medication, we believe we can dominate it. Control it. Manage it. “Dominate, control, manage” … Mantra of the modern age.
To rise after each storm HIV presents for any individual – and that varies massively individual to individual – requires strength. A fundamental strength personally most impacted by HIV. Strength fed and sustained by that one element spouted in all corners of the HIV arena. Support. Looking carefully behind support we find love.
In PositiveLite, I have found both.
In the Buddhist understanding of the word love, love is very noble, elegant, beautiful, resourceful, and utterly visionary. Being utterly visionary has a touch of humour and a lot of fearlessness. You are willing to jump in, and you are entirely free from panic. You are resourceful and willing to get into any projects that might arise. You have long-lasting vision and effort. Moreover, you are selfless, so you are willing to do whatever is needed in a situation.”
—The Bodhisattva Path of Wisdom and Compassion (Volume 2): The Profound Treasury of the Ocean of Dharma
by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, page 18
This seems to be written expressly for the team of PositiveLite. It is interesting how connections appear in one’s life. Sometimes the link is clear. Often it is not.
From my first article to this my last, my life with HIV has been turbulent. Undetectable, detectable, undetectable, detectable, support, losing support – with Shanti’s mirroring health decline and death – to once again rebuilding from ashes, literal ashes.
As with HIV and losing my perceived place in the world and with it my vision of my life – for it brought with it loss of work, loss of income and loss of access to so much of our modern life – standing by and supporting Shanti in his need mirrored the intention of PositiveLite and its vision. Support to blatant need. Perhaps empathy is in recognizing at a visceral level, the truth of everyone sharing the struggle of life. We do mirror one another if we look closely enough to see it.
From here it’s on to PWA Speakers Bureau. At least the training is next in my schedule. The fit remains to be seen. This sojourn will be supported by a new friend. March 2nd Simon arrived. From Whippet Rescue, Simon turns 5 on April 14th. Together we will carry on with change. As we all must do. Love and Change.
When I began contributing to PositiveLite my attention to writing was newly rekindled. PositiveLite provided the opportunity and platform to dig around in my depths to find all lurking within and to express it in a safe place for those of like experience. Thank you for igniting this journey of finding my voice.