I think I am riding on a wave of good Karma and if that’s true, I am really enjoying the ride! It’s not a tsunami wave, it’s a simple, gentle wave with small things happening with large rewards.

Today, I went downtown for the raising of the Pride flag at City Hall. This is the first time I’ve done this, and I’ve lived here for the better part of 32 years. I went mostly because I saw a photo opportunity  - and I did get a few good ones. When I was wrapping up, I looked over my shoulder and there was a young guy watching me.

He began to tell me, “This has got to be one of the most powerful statements any city can make”, pointing to the flag. There it was, flying next to the city flag and the Canadian flag. There was another flag that he thought was some sort of British flag. I felt I had to tell him it was the Ontario Provincial flag. He went on to say, what an experience it was that I could be there taking a picture of that flag, proudly flying next to all the others, only in Canada. In other countries it wouldn’t be celebrated in the same way.

This whole experience made me think back to 2011 Toronto Pride, I had taken a photo of the Pride flag with the Canadian flag (see below) that I was so proud to have taken. It was seen by a writer who wanted to use it in a story he wrote. It was an honour to have it included in a story about Pride.  I agreed to it right away. I have since donated a copy of it for a silent auction at a local fundraiser last year.

In a true “social media experience” I saw a link on my facebook that led me to another link for a site that one of my contacts was following called Fierté Canada Pride. Right away I noticed their profile photo, I clicked on it to see a larger version of it and sure enough, it was the same photo of the two flags. I thought about other photographers I’ve met who would be upset someone used their photos without permission or compensation.  For me, if it’s for an HIV cause or to promote Pride, then please use it. I volunteer to do all photos for my local AIDS Service Organizations for most of our events. It’s a way of giving back for a lot of what they have done for me. I sent the site a private message letting them know that it was my photo and that it looked great on their site and to enjoy it.

So giving in this way is a large reward for me. Karma, what you give out, you will get back. Beautiful!

The most positive Karma experience happened about a week and a half ago.  I was out taking pictures at the local University Arboretum. I had been there for an hour or so, just sitting at the picnic table trying to catch the birds flying in and away from the feeder. I noticed a few people coming through the area. I talked to a couple of them, just a hello.

Then I noticed a couple  of guys. They looked around, then sat down on a bench to the right of me. They were around my age. I had this feeling that maybe I knew them as they fit the general description of a couple of guys I once chummed around with. One was a friend I had hoped to reconnect with, someone I hadn’t seen in about 15 years. I had made a commitment at a recent retreat back in February to try to re-connect. I had found an old phone number, but misplaced it.

So, after about 10-15 minutes, I decided to pack up and go say hello, see if it was that old friend. I turned around to see they were on their way out of the area, so I had to hurry. I managed to catch up and I called out the friend’s name. He turned around and said, “pardon me?” I said his name again and he looked at me. Then he said, “don’t tell me, give me a minute”. It was him, and like me, a little older a little more grey. He lives in another nearby city; we hadn’t seen each other in maybe 15 years and there we were, in the least of all expected places. I go to this place so often. We tried to catch up but he was in a hurry to go somewhere, said he had an appointment, he gave me his cell number and I was to call him.

This has to be the most genuine form of Karma ever, or was it “fate”? Could they be the same thing?  To move forward now I realize that I will need to do some apologizing to him. I can’t go into the reason for the separation but I wasn’t the person I am today. I didn’t know or use empathy or compassion very well then, hell most times I can’t say I had any awareness of it. I am aware that it may not be the same friendship it was before, but it could be. We can’t get into the same trouble  - or can we?

I spend a lot of time on the internet, but I am trying to get out more. Now that the weather is cooperating it’s been easier. Photography has become a social affair; I get to meet other photographers or people asking what I’m taking pictures of and they share stories of their own. One gentleman and his wife last night suggested I join the seniors’ centre, they have a photography club and I could win the photo of the week. I do qualify, you need to be 55 and over, and I am over.

So I’m trying to put a finger on what it is I’m doing and I don’t see many great things. I think a lot of it is just staying positive, avoiding the negatives. If you want things to add up in life, avoid the negatives. I have seen how people treat me by the way I treat them, I do it all so differently now. I made many bad choices in my life and tasted the bad Karma on those occasions, so yes, the good Karma is working for me now.

So I’ll sign off here and since Pride season is kicking off around the world, Happy Pride everyone.

I love my fine feathered friends, they are amazing creatures, and they sing beautifully but................ 

No one could ever accuse me of being anti-nature or a bird hater. Birds have been a large part of my photography excursions over the past three years. Today, I am a little miffed that a website that brings awareness to birds in need of care continues to lead an AIDS service organization (ASO)  to win a website upgrade by means of an online challenge. I think, this is why HIV will remain a big part of the world today and in the future. 

In show business they say don't follow kids or animal acts, they will always win in the end. I hope this isn't the case here but I am ready to concede that it will be. I spent most of yesterday promoting the challenge on Twitter and Facebook and it took off quickly; for a while we were running neck and neck, we even held first place briefly. This morning I wake up to find we were more than 600 votes behind again. I will keep pumping out the "Vote" messages online because if you don't try, you don't even come close. We are after all, in second place at this time. 

The competition is about helping charities raise awareness and strengthen a connection in their communities. The AIDS Commitee of Guelph and Wellington County  believes the upgrade is imperative in helping the organization disseminate health information in an accessible way to the population it serves. 

As you can see, this irks me so much. Everyone can and will talk about birds everywhere, anytime. The news media never have anything negative to write about birds, “but if you want us to talk about HIV prevention and awareness, we’ll put it in the back pages - somewhere". Now if someone is charged with non-disclosure, it would be front page material with the person’s name and photo, supplied by the local police station. 

When people learn they are HIV positive, stigma can prevent them from going to the ASO’s office, so the internet is where they may turn to. ASOs need all the social media access they can muster to provide prevention and awareness and most of all, support. This ASO needs that website update. 

Birds will always soar and sing, HIV Prevention will be hidden and shushed. Not on my watch. 

Thanks for letting me rant and to show I'm not a bird hater, here are a few shots I've taken during this long winter. 

And there ARE a few days left to put  the AIDS Committee of Guelph in the lead for the title of Canada’s Worst Charity Website and thus win the organization $20,000 for a refit. . Click here to vote. The competition closes april 5.

"Another year over and a new one just begun" - John Lennon

Let me first apologize for so many acronyms in this post. It’s part and parcel of working and volunteering in HIV organizations; it becomes the language.

I’m not alone, particularly among people my own age, when I say the years are going by way too fast. It’s like everything that happened just yesterday. I started noticing it when I was about 45, around the time the job in the factory was coming to an end. The years in that place just seemed to drag on. A dead end job, with days that seemed to never end, year after year. I should have left after two or three years but I stayed there 27 years.

The last three or four years have just seemed to zip right by me, though. I am doing the things I had only daydreamed about while slugging it out in the factory. Now I like what I’m doing and some of it I go at it with a lot of  passion. I guess that’s where the saying comes from, “time flies when you’re having fun”. So in part, it's my own fault time is going by so fast.

The last year was yet another good one for me. It was a year of learning about a past that paved the way for me to be able to LIVE with HIV today. I was able to attend the play “A Normal Heart” at Buddies In Bad Times and also saw the movie “How to Survive A Plague” while I was in Toronto for the OAN (Ontario AIDS Network) and OHTN (Ontario HIV Treatment Network) conferences this fall. Both of these stories were about the fight for drugs and care for people who were dying of AIDS in New York City. I remember seeing it all on the news during those years. I had forgotten how the CDC (Centre For Disease Control) in the United States was more concerned over seven deaths due to contaminated Tylenol while thousands were dying of AIDS.

Earlier in the year I returned to the workforce part time, working for the OHTN as a PRA (Peer Research Associate). I had been participating in three surveys the OHTN were conducting. The PRA for our area had to leave the position for another job opportunity so he recommended me, as did the Executive Director at my AIDS Service Organization.  I had to do online training over three months on the ECHO (Employment Change & Health Outcomes) research as well as being trained on the ethics that each survey is governed by. In July I was ready to start work and on November 15th the project was completed. I am looking forward to seeing the results.

I would love to do more of this type of work. With so much stigma towards people living with HIV, research can only help the world learn more about barriers that people living with HIV might face on the job or on returning to work.

Elsewhere, I went through some more drama this year, a couple of short episodes. I got angry, anger turned to stress, and stress isn’t good for me. I had to reel it in early and squash it. I dropped my guard and thought I could trust certain people, only to be let down. So it’s an issue I’m going to have to work on.

I can’t really complain too much about my health, I’m hanging in. I haven’t done any of the things I know I need to do. I haven’t taken any weight off, I haven’t even tried. (At my last doctor’s appointment, when he told me my weight, it was lower than I thought it was but I realized that his scale is more accurate than mine so, I really wasn’t as heavy as I thought.)

I hate New Year’s resolutions. I’ve never followed up on any that I made over the years, I would end up doing things when I wanted to instead, like smoking. I needed a reason to stop – and becoming a grandfather became my reason. It’s been over 12 years now. Another bad habit I had was biting my nails, I used to bite them until they bled. It was a habit my oldest brother had too. Now I can pick up change from the ground or floor -  well, when I feel I can get down there and get back up.

At that last doctor’s visit I was also informed that I will need to watch my salt intake, so no processed or canned foods. I’m not one to add salt to anything put in front of me. If it’s in the dish I can’t take it out, I have to eat. I will try to do it…… when it’s possible.

I can really identify with the cartoon here. There is always going to be more we can do to extend our lives but we will just experience more of those gruelling aging symptoms. Yipee!

I’m really looking forward to 2013.  Bring it on. With all the things I’ve put into play in the last few months it can only get better. My photography is going to be a bigger part of the new year, going from a hobby to the art world, it’s going to be a big step. It may not make me rich but it will make me proud of what I create.

My ASO has been coming up with some workshops and programs that are geared for me. Up next is a workshop on blogging. I’m learning some new (well, new to me), social media programs so I should have something to contribute. I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but after about 80 blogs here on PositiveLite.com and nearly thirty on my ASO’s website, I think I can play an important part.

I have wanted to do more public speaking but I’ve learned that in my area there isn’t much of a demand to hear from an older gay male with HIV. There are places that will need to hear from me, like the healthcare system. They need to prepare for this gay male who might need longterm care, one who also has HIV. Right now, they are not ready.

Until then, here you’ll find me from time to time.

All the best to everyone -  and Happy New Year!

Last year I wrote a blog called “My Pets Fly” in response to my fellow writers here at PositiveLite.com who wrote about their dogs for “Furry Friends Friday”. I wanted to write something but I don't have a dog or a cat. I don’t like to “stoop and scoop” the poop nor do I have a desire to clean litter boxes. At my age, stooping isn’t an easy task anymore, unless I see money. 

When I was first diagnosed with HIV my doctor asked if I had a cat and informed me that there is a parasite in feline feces called toxoplasmosis that can be harmful to people with a compromised immune system. This isn’t the only reason I don’t have a cat, I don’t hate them, I just don’t like them. 

I have several friends who have cats. Some will let me know they have one but I'm not to worry, it doesn't like new people or doesn't like men. They tell me that it will be hiding under the bed or will stay in another room. But as soon as I'm inside the house the cat will come right up to me, and worse, it rubs up against me. If I sit down on the couch, it will jump up and want to sit in my lap. I pick it up and put it down on the floor and it will jump back up. This will go on for quite a while until the owner puts a stop to it, somehow. 

My pets are outside all the time, out amongst nature. I think we’re a strange pairing. These pets fly, I’m 58 and have never flown anywhere. But they don’t need to be fed, walked or taken care of by me.  

Last winter I was able to get out hiking around town alot but this year, it takes a real effort. One day I might head up to the Arboretum at the University, another day I’ll just hang out at the river and photograph the birds, ducks, seagulls or geese. They all look the same so I can make believe each one is the same one from the day before. 

One in particular is the Hooded Merganser pictured here. For the last three winters there has been one down on the river hanging out with the Mallard ducks, Canada Geese and seagulls that live here year round. Like I said, I can't say if it’s the exact same duck from the year before but each October one will show up and I've been snapping photos of him and many of his amusing mannerisms. He can be quite comical at times.

All pets need a name so I have given him the name Marty. Now I'm considering having a talk with my daughter-in-law about writing a story based on him. She wants to write children’s stories so maybe this would work. 

Marty has become quite the subject for conversation. Daily I am asked what kind of duck he is. Sometimes I meet up with other photographers or just people who come to feed the ducks and when they spot him they are always curious where he came from. I’m becoming very knowledgeable about nature, ducks, and birds. I need a life methinks. It is a way to meet new people, keeps my mind working and hopefully I get a little exercise. 

When spring rolls around, several more Hooded Mergansers can be found, males as well as some females. When the males pair up with a female, they aren't as friendly around the other ducks on the river, they keep to themselves and don't come close enough for me to get many good photographs. I haven't seen any baby ones yet, they are usually gone by then. Maybe one year they will stay all year like the Common Mergansers do. I've included a picture of them above as well. 

It takes a lot of standing in one place, watching and hoping for a different shot. I nearly froze trying to get the ones I've included here. 

Last June I wrote about some photographic opportunities that were about to come my way and how I was looking forward to them. The truth is that since then photography has been taking up a lot of my time. 

I participated in the art show I mentioned but no sales or inquiries came from it. I did get a paying assignment though. A company hired me to submit photos for their new website, some that would rotate at the top of the webpage. From that job I found out about a workshop called "'Good Stories Need Great Photography" facilitated by a husband and wife, an editor and photographer from National Geographic. (The editor was responsible for the Titanic issue last April.) The purpose of the workshop was to link photographers with non-profits to show how a collection of photos can be put together in a video format that can speak better than a page of written words. I especially liked the message I got from it about doing unpaid work: "the photographer is not the person who doesn't get paid." 

Another project I was involved in last June was at my local ASO (AIDS Committee of Guelph and Wellington County). We were trying to find graffiti that contained homophobic messages. I had a two year head start on others as I had been taking photos of graffiti around town for about two and a half years. It was enlightening and encouraging that we failed to find as much homophobic graffiti as we thought we might. We ended up photographing the positive messages as well which produced a broader range of material. On November 22nd we had the wrap-up meeting where the slideshow and the resulting book were unveiled. My work was on the covers. Most of the shots from the book can be found on flickr.com here.

I have made it known to my ASO that I will take pictures at all events and activities as my donation to the agency. 

World AIDS Day activities constituted a busy time for me. An eatery/bakery here in Guelph made Red Ribbon Cookies that we handed out around the city to promote HIV awareness. I was able to take pictures on three of those occasions. Some of them may find their way into our local newspaper as its is doing a story about World AIDS Day and were interested in using our photos. 

The other ASO I am associated with, ACCKWA (AIDS Committee of Cambridge, Kitchener, Waterloo and Area) had an Art Show and Auction as part of their World AIDS Day Gala, where some of my photos were shown. I also donated some photos to their WAD wrap-up dance and silent auction to be held on the 8th of December. 

I was finally able to show my friend who has shown his work years ago some of what I was doing. He hated much of my nature shots and graffiti, but I have some that are a bit more abstract which he liked. He told me I need to put together a collection, have them professionally framed and that I need to join a gallery to show them. The problem I'm having with doing it is the cost. It isn't a cheap venture, so it will take time because it has to be done right. 

I don't think I'm going to get filthy rich any time soon but I am having fun – and it keeps me busy. I know what I need to do to find work, how to approach non-profits and work with them to create something that illustrates what they do to help people. I must remember that they do sometimes have budgets for this kind of thing. I would never want to drain them but I'm sure I could work with them to make it affordable for them. 

I have started to put together a portfolio and a resume. It surprised me how much work is recorded there, most volunteer but that can work to my advantage. I have two knowledgeable people willing to help me along too -  my friend Richard and my PositiveLite.com editor, Bob Leahy. Both have many years between them in the art world. Bob, I discovered, judges several photography contests each year, I have been asking him for feedback and he has been brutally honest and I appreciate it. He has suggested that I enter some photography contests and pit my work against others, to get better feedback. So if anyone hears of any, let me know! 

Accompanying this post are some of the pictures I contributed to the book, “Challenging Homophobia & Building Resilience Through Graffiti Photography”. The one that says “Screw Gender, Go Love” became the cover for the book.