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Wayne Bristow

Wayne Bristow

I'm a poz guy, just starting my tenth year living with HIV. I've been blogging here at since March 20th, 2011. I volunteer at two AIDS Service Organizations in my area, ACG (AIDS Committee of Guelph/Wellington) and ACCKWA (AIDS Committee of Cambridge Kitchener Waterloo and Area). I've also been blogging for ACG since November 2010. I am a self-taught social media junkie doing facebook and twitter. I'm a great retweeter. I was recently hired by the OHTN (Ontario HIV Treatment Network) as a Peer Research Assistant. In my spare time I am a hobby photographer; some of my photos show up in my blog. 

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A fake’s judgement!

Monday, 20 January 2014 Written by // Wayne Bristow - Positive Life Categories // Arts and Entertainment, Television, Opinion Pieces, Wayne Bristow

Wayne Bristow on Duck Dynasty: “Wake me when reality TV becomes real again………..until then, I don’t give a duck!”

A fake’s judgement!

So “Duck Dynasty” is the most popular show ever on A&E (Arts & Entertainment) Channel, and its patriarch, Phil Robertson was interviewed by GQ Magazine? It makes me wonder what’s next, Honey Boo Boo’s mom as the next Bachelorette and then on the cover of Vogue?

If I had to choose which appalled me more it would have to be A&E. Every time I turn on that channel hoping to see something entertaining, maybe a documentary - anything, instead I find this lame depiction of an imaginary American family. I don’t possess the highest level of education but even my level of intelligence screams for more than what this show has to offer. It’s not exactly the content they received their license to show.

Phil Robertson, patriarch of the Robertson clan - that’s what they call them right, a clan? - is not exactly the modern day Jed Clampett His “Happy Happy Happy” sounds lame to Ol’ Jed’s “Weeeeeee Doggie”.  The whole family will have us believe they’ve always worn camouflage clothing, hunted ducks and ate squirrel soup. They will have us believe they manufacture and package all their merchandise on their property like this “Uncle Si” doll. Note the hole where it says, “Try me”, it looks a little small so I wouldn’t try inserting your member in there.

I shake my head as I try to digest the fact they have so many supporters. It reminds me so much of the old wrestling craze, Hulk Hogan and his Hulk-a-maniacs and as I look closer to home, the mayor of Toronto and his Ford Nation. “Honey Boo Boo” is looking more real than Duck Dynasty ever will be. The show is a total fake.

Phil gave up a career in professional football because he said it interfered with duck hunting season. He played quarterback and his backup was none other than Terry Bradshaw, who we all know went on to be a Hall of Famer. Instead  Phil settled for a degree in teaching and actually taught school for a few years. His claim to fame is the creation of the “Duck Commander” duck call in 1972, a phallic shaped piece of wood that men blow on to trick ducks into coming close enough so they can “fuck them up” as he was heard saying, It was bleeped but reading lips wasn’t hard.

Phil has been a religious man most of his life. During his GQ interview he was asked what he would consider to be sinful. It almost seems like a “set up” question that they ask if they already know what he’s going to say and it just might be the part that sells the story. It wouldn't be the first time any reporter used one; TV talk show hosts do it with comedians to get them to work part of their routine in to the conversation.

When Robertson responded to the question; he genuinely seemed to be speaking to all males, or dudes as he called us.

“Robertson questioned the appeal of same-sex relationships, particularly amongst men; saying: "It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”  Drew Magary of GQ magazine

Yes Phil, it’s just you and some who will agree with you but we gays are dudes too and we will whole heartedly disagree with you. Dudes have just as many play things as women; we aren’t missing anything nor are we complaining.

This is where I have a problem with anyone who has opposed gays or same sex relationships -  they only see the sex act, not the person, the relationship or their love. Straight people think about gay sex far too much.

This is the Roberson family before Duck Dynasty, which is one reason it doesn’t surprises me that GQ would even have anything in common with the family. Phil has 4 sons, but I don’t believe all of them are a part of the show, I think there is one that isn’t. GQ does have a large gay following but I’ll pass looking through the next issue even if I can read it for free at Chapters.

In a more recent attempt to keep his name in the papers and our attention, he suggests that men should marry girls when they are 15 and 16, because they will “pick your ducks”, which means they will pick the feathers out of the ducks you shoot. After 20, those same women will only pick your pocket. Phil not only believes this, he practices what he preaches, his wife was 16 when he married her. .A famous Phil line to one of his grandsons was, “You know you got a good woman if she can make you a good squirrel soup.”

I usually don’t over react to these types of homophobes and gay haters; it only gives them attention and some power. There will always be Phil Robertsons, there will be wedding planners who won’t do same sex marriages and churches that won’t marry same sex couples but there are place that will. Why can’t we just say, “you’re loss” and move on. After all , if you really want a fabulous wedding, hire a gay wedding planner!

While reading comments on twitter and other social media, I learned that in 23 U.S. states it is legal to have sex with your horse. I’m thinking Mr. Robertson just might live in one of those states.

So Mr. Robertson, go take a horse for a ride.