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Brian Finch

Brian Finch

Brian Finch, founder and publisher of Positive Lite. I've had a blog since 2005 when I decided one day that I just wanted to write. Since then I've grown to writing for a local Toronto magazine, Fab, and contribute to

I first went public in the 1980s, and with the exception of a few years of taking a break, have not really stopped. Life is an evolution, and for the last six years I've brought everyone along for the ride, the good, the bad & the ugly.

Today I share stories of my lastest recarnation of life of a publisher, traveler, recovery, a new relationship, my three-pound Chihuahua Hildy, converting to Judaism and where ever else my journey takes me.



Monday, 14 December 2015 Written by // Brian Finch - Founder Categories // Dating, Aging, Gay Men, Lifestyle, Living with HIV, Population Specific , Sex and Sexuality , Brian Finch

The irrepressible Brian Finch took a year off sex. Now he says "getting laid is great, I really should do it more often and not wait a year."


Adult language

I have taken my own sexual smite  - Hebrew for the seventh year sabbatical of farming in Israel. In this case I’ve been the barren field for probably little more than a year. But recently I decided that maybe it was time to end this self-imposed exile from the land of cock. 

Technically I broke this year of no sex (I never thought I’d ever be able to make that claim) with this guy I used to see off and on. It seemed easy enough - just send a message and in a couple of hours I’m fucking him. Civilized, like ordering pizza. 

The only problem with this particular delivery is that he loved poppers. I hate them for many reasons. Well, in small doses with a whiff here and there is OK. However, in the time since I’d last seen this guy he graduated from taking a few whiffs to pouring some on a cloth and sniffing it while I’m fucking him. So the entire bedroom began to start smelling  like a poppers factory. 

Call me old fashioned, but the image of this guy chloroforming himself while I’m doing my thing wasn’t a huge turn on. It was like he was date rapping himself. Suddenly I’d become Bill Cosby. 

I haven’t seen him again. He insists that he has to have poppers or no deal. So I said "no deal". 

I turned 50 this year. Somehow I have let this number be a way to be excluded from the gay world from which I’ve drifted so far. I remember going on hook-up sites and seeing the fifty-year olds and what I thought then. Now I’m one of them. Not only that, I haven’t been to a gym for a year and a half. I don't feel desirable at all. (Update: I’ve started back at the gym and am now in my second week.) 

Then, thought I, there has got to be somebody for everybody on the internet, so let’s put this to the test. I took a photo of myself in a nice shirt showing my ever-growing beard - I call it my “homeless/Cineplex-seniors-discount look”  Given my facial hair, Scruff seemed like the best site to try. 

There are so many decisions to make regarding one's profile, though. First of all, what am I? Check the box: twink, guy next door, muscle, discrete, bear, military, leather, chaser (I had to look that up as in my world that would mean "bug chaser") or daddy. 

By the way, what is discrete? My guess it is code for married, bi-curious with a girlfriend, closeted or |on the down low". Whatever it is, it’s not me. (Discrete is also code for HIV phobic?) 

Since I had to pick one of these I went for "Daddy". 

That must have been the right choice as I got laid good that night. 

I was amused though by how many guys were online from my apartment building, or were people I know from other places. Then last night at our building’s Christmas event, I got someone to open their Grindr app and, sure enough, there were at least two guys from our building showing up. 

It seems as if we’ve all become a bunch of GPS beacons of gay horniness that can be tracked 24/7, distance measured accurately in metres. 

(The other day one guy asked me if was into any kink or fetish. My response: "Not really, except I’m into submissive boys who are into humiliation through house work. Does that count?") 

With a deep sigh, though, I have to say I’m a bit sexually jaded. There really is almost nothing left I haven’t done that I’d like to. Once I went to a sex party of well over 100 uninhibited guys who worked in the sex industry in San Francisco. That was my summit for group sex and I’ve never done it since. 

My biggest turn off are those who treat a profile as if it were a posting for social activists on university campuses. (And please forgive me if I didn’t give you a trigger warning before mentioning that.) One fellow sent me a "woof" who I thought was attractive until I read the list of anti-colonialism and anti-oppression statements and a list of 20 other -isms I can’t even remember. I would have responded if the profile were different. 

Anyway, getting laid is great, I really should do it more often and not wait a year. 

Scruff works to fill that void (pun intended). It would be nice to meet someone who would like to get together and then hang out, be affectionate while chatting and spend a bit of time together without any major expectations. There used to be a time when I had a few “friends.” and call each other up. But then they all got into relationships. 

Unfortunately I’ve been really too busy to fully utlize my new -found resource. It’s only been a week but with my life showing a 200% increase in sex over the past year, I’ll take that.