It’s taken me a long two weeks to get back on my feet post-Israel trip. Since then it’s been cold and rainy here, so it’s beginning to feel like all that sunny freedom from SADS has disappeared…(Technically it’s SAD, but it just doesn’t seem right unless I make sad plural.)
Just last Saturday I sent a message to a friend living in St. Martin for the winter. I was at my wit’s end, in "just get me the fuck out of here" mode. But after Margaret Thatcher’s death I gave mother nature a bit of a break. She’s merely trying to detox herself from the shock of Thatcher’s body returning to earth. Even she doesn’t want her back, it seems.
Today there is some sun, and suddenly the veil of fogginess and fatigue begins to lift. This is why I start planning getting away a year in advance. For me it’s no longer about glamour, it’s about survival. Had I been around for March I either would have jumped off my balcony and/or killed someone. No doubt that person I’d kill would be a TTC passenger taking up two seats with his or her backpack during rush hour.
It was a great trip. The guy I was shtumping turned out to be an over aged gay hipster artist who lives in the moment and has no real attachments. That translates into having a great time when together, forgotten about when not, and tells me he doesn’t believe in long distance communication when I said I’ll give you my email and stay in touch. After he said that I never saw him again. I wanted to get to know people so that when I return I’d know people.
I did make this objective of getting to know others there. I call this my introductory trip to Israel. There will be many more to come. Historically, I’ve picked a city and made it kind of my second home. When I lived in Winnipeg, I did that in Toronto. I had so many meetings out there (pre-internet days) and a social network that one day it became impossible to have to return to Winnipeg.
Both Amsterdam and New York were “second homes” for me. During my stay in Tel Aviv I knew that this was now becoming my second home. This time with a twist, that this is the homeland of spiritual ancestries, and a tribal connection to the land and people.
This month was a time for reflection. The past year I had let go to the foundations of what I need in life. I became so determined to do stand up that I’d become sick this last winter and part of the summer. I’d get up maybe four days in a row and then get knocked down with something. In fact right before leaving I got sick and had to cancel about three gigs. I’m so tired of getting smacked down all the time. I need my health.
That means focusing on storytelling performance and putting together the one hour long solo show that I’ve thought about for the last few years. I’ll still do some stand up but only when I have things I really want to try out.
In Israel there were times when I longed for the interpersonal connections I have at home. It was a Dorothy moment. If I just click my heels three times I have it all right in front of me, even in Tel Aviv.
The third part is my Judaism. There is this essence to the community, culture, language and another kind of connectedness.
Lastly, I need to get back to the gym. Nothing like seeing so many hot guys to get one motivated to getting back into some form of shape and introduce plain old-fashioned cardio in an internet-induced sedentary lifestyle.
For the one hour show, I want to be able to workshop it at The Flying Beaver by late fall or early winter of next year. Eventually I’d like to do this solo show in Tel Aviv (very long term goal) as there will be some topics in there not talked about so openly in Israeli gay society.
Provided I can pull a couple various elements together for returning to Tel Avi, I’d like to return for three months. I’d also bring Hildy with me.
My friend asked my last time, “I want to hear about all the hot guys you did!” I replied, “I’m not going to talk numbers (I only diddled 3 guys but we’ll keep that between us) but I did receive over 70 messages in my Atraf profile, the local sex site.