The world of stand-up has been a crazy ride. I can’t think of anything else I’ve done that makes me so incredibly anxious, yet when I’m doing it I feel like I’m alive. I guess that’s what it takes.
There was a time when I was very timid about being out in straight crowds. It’s not like they didn’t know, but I’d make no mention of it whatsoever.
Oh, how the times are changing. Most of my time on a mic has been in Hamilton. I have two comic friends out there, one of which hosts an open mic night. I’ve had no choice but to do comedy for straight audiences. Instead of not saying anything, I’ve decided to totally gay out for these very straight audiences.
Hamilton gets a bad wrap. I like their arts scene and Corktown. The comedy world is accessible and is a great place to get on a mic while the training wheels are still on.
After my last performance, where I rocked it BTW (the time before not so much), I decided not to censor myself. There are a couple of young comics there who want to be edgy but have no life experience upon which to draw. What they end up with are gay dick-up-the-ass jokes, or things about AIDS.
I’m not offended, I just get tired of them. One guy did the getting shagged-up-the-ass jokes for the fourth time. It just so happened that I was up next. My warm-up went well, and then suddenly I found myself co-opting his joke, “It’s so great to be in Hamilton, it’s as great as getting F$%K’d up the ass, and while I’m at it, I’m staying at the Sheraton Hotel in a superior suite, that’s as good as getting double F$%K’d up the ass! We haven’t gotten to double penetration yet, have we folks?”
It was a lot of fun and the crowd (mostly comics) roared. This was the set that established myself as being funny. You have to be funny or the other comics don’t talk to you. It’s a strange process.
I didn’t however stop at there. I talked about doing porn, “It takes balls to do gay porn……..and some cock…..but mostly balls!”
Then I went into escorting territory. If these guys want edge, I thought, I’m going to give them edge. “The worst thing was getting first time guys or the bi-curious guys, it’s all teeth. [Hand gesture moving around my crotch] It’s like a piranha attack. The next time it’s going to be filmed in 3-D. This part of my life I called ‘Hooker with a Passport Years, Sponsored by Crystal Meth: It’s amazing how much you can get done in 136 hours.”
Deep sigh on stage, my job was done.
All the rest of the night the comics made fun of me with some of my material. The seal of approval. They like you if they make fun of you. It was great. I hadn’t had such a good night since Spirits in Toronto.
I’m back in Hamilton Tuesday night (March 27), and I’ll be back at it. Finally I’m making a name for myself in comedy. I just never thought it would be about oral and butt sex. But hey, I’ll take what I can get. Kathy Griffin is my role model, and I’ll go with whatever works.
This Saturday I have my first gay crowd at Woodies on Church Street, Toronto for the Downtown Swim Club’s 25th anniversary show with Mike Chalut hosting, and the fabulous Jade Elektra performing. I’m nervous as hell as I’ve only done straight crowds.
On top of it my voice coach will be there. We just started working together again and she wanted to see me perform. Thank god she’s super cool, 'cause I’ve yet to take the comedy class on clean humour.