Over the past couple of weeks, I've developed a rapport with Billy Newton-Davis following being introduced by Black Cap’s Executive Director, Shannon Ryan. I have been booking entertainment for my new monthly dance party, POZ-TO (which benefits local AIDS organizations) and I am happy to announce that Mr. Davis has agreed to be our special guest on the March 3rd event, along with Miss High Performance 2011-12, Lady G.

It’s the Saturday afternoon after the huge snow storm here in Toronto. I was supposed to meet up with Billy today, but we decided that it would be easier to do this interview over the phone. He called me around 1 PM to say that he had just got in the door and was in need of some lunch and that he would call me back in about 30 or 40 minutes. I thought to myself....this will work perfectly because I had just sat down and started watching a classic black and white film called “Pinky”. “Pinky” was a term used to describe a light-skinned black person who could pass for white. In 1949, Twentieth-Century Fox tackled this very controversial subject.

I had not actually seen this one, but had read about it. My only real reference to the film was a story that Lena Horne shared on her “The Lady & Her Music” album. She explained that she was up for the role and that Max Factor had even created a special make up for her called “Light Egyptian”. Well, to her disappointment she didn’t get the role. “Instead they rubbed my Light Egyptian all over some pretty little white gal named Jeanne Crain” she joked in her monologue before breaking into “I’’m Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself a Letter”.

It was funny that I was concerned about finishing this movie, because so was Billy. When he called me back I happened to mention that I was enjoying “Pinky”. He explained that he had seen the movie four times before but had not made it to the courtroom. So, he didn’t care for the film before today and had often confused it with “Imitation Of Life”, another one of my favourites. Now...you are probably wondering why I am telling you all about us watching the same film on TV. It actually played a big part in starting our conversation.

Talking about the film led to talking about being African-American in Toronto. I was surprised to find that his experience here was very similar to mine. The first thing that you notice when you get here is that the Black Community is almost completely Caribbean. It is always interesting to me how Black People from other parts of the world interact with Black People from the U.S. In my opinion, it sometimes feels like we are blamed for our history in America. Billy pointed out that because of religious beliefs, we as Gay Black Men are really considered taboo to the Caribbean and African cultures.

Then we started talking about the struggles of being a light skinned Black Man and our childhoods. It probably sounds strange to some, but there is a prejudice that excists between blacks over skin shades and tones.

He also told me about his relationship with his mother. Describing her as having the beauty of Lena Horne and the sophistication of Eartha Kitt, he shared how he used to act as her personal stylist as a child. They were very close, he said, until he came out to her in 1973. He had grown up in almost every kind of church. His mother was very religious and did not accept him for being who he was. He explained “I fought every second of my life for freedom.” He believes that it is his destiny to still be here.

As the conversation went on I discovered that we had even more in common. Like myself, his grandmother was the one in his family who stood up for him and embraced him, no matter what his sexual orientation was. And with the support of his grandmother and aunt he was armed to take on the world. “They were my rock” Billy told me. Both of us too were the ones who as kids were always ready to put on a show for a room full of adults.

“My happiness was never gonna be in Cleveland. I was Black and gay. I was always fabulous and I loved entertaining people.” he said. So, he left for New York City to pursue his dreams.

When I asked what brought him to Toronto he explained that he came to town with the Broadway Show, “Eubie” in 1980. It was an eight- week run of a musical about ragtime piano player Eubie Blake that featured Terry Burrell, Winston Dewitt Hemsley and The Hines Brothers (Gregory & Maurice).

Billy told me “The show was ending and the next stop was San Francisco. There was a delay and then I got a call from my manager saying that the show was continuing without me. I was part of the ensemble, but I wasn’t a great dancer. I always wanted to sing and a friend here in Toronto convinced me to stay. I ended up doing a few more musicals until I eventually got a deal with Sony in 1984. I won my first three Junos for my work on my first and second albums and then in 2008 I won a Juno for a single with Deadmau5. I remember feeling really good because I won over all these young artists on the dance scene. And then some group called Chromeo wrote some blog complaining that I had no business winning over them at the awards that year. Sayin’ something about that they had headlined at Madison Square Garden and was on top of the charts. I wrote such a scathing rebuttal that I think they took notice. I wrote that I too had headlined at Madison Square Garden, performed in Paris and performed with disco diva Gloria Gaynor.”

When I went looking for the blog by Chromeo, I found that it had been taken down. I believe that they felt Billy didn’t deserve to win the Juno because he was too old and not a natural born Canadian. But I’m sure after he wrote his rebuttal they were advised that speaking against a legendary artist who not only had a solo career, won a Juno for his duet with Celine Dion and also was a member of The Nylons was not a good move if they wanted to continue in the industry. One thing that I do love about the music entertainment industry here in Canada is that they truly honor and respect their artists here.

And I have to say I agree with him that he was destined to be here doing the work that he is doing. Just living his life as an Out Black Gay Man who is HIV+ is important work.

“HIV does not rule my life. It’s an aspect of my life, but there is so much more to me” he said.

When I approached him about being a special guest for our event and mentioned that this particular month Black Cap was coming on as a beneficiary he immediately said yes.

“Although ACT has helped me back in the early 90’s back when my partner was a parishioner at MCC, Black Cap has always held a special place in my heart.  I remember my first meeting with Juanita Hall. I just felt like I needed to do something for the Black Community. Being that the people who were clients at Black Cap were from Caribbean and African backgrounds where religion kept them in the closet, I felt that they needed an out positive person to step forward to set an example. Black Cap needed a person like me. People tend to listen to me” Billy explained.

Billy shared with me that he had recently watched the documentary about me and my alter-ego, Jade Elektra on YouTube called “Shades of Jade”.  He expressed that he felt like we were kindred spirits. I felt honored. He asked if I knew Chris Edwards. I told him that she has been a great friend to me and was the first to book me when I arrived in Toronto. “I love that girl! You know, she is the reason that queens are allowed in The Eagle on Church Street. We had booked her as a host for an event there and they refused to let her in. We all stood by her and fought for her to get in.” Wow...so much history. 

We bonded over the Pearl Box Revue. I told him about how Dorian Corey (a founding member of the Pearl Box Revue and personality in "Paris Is Burning") was the one who talked me into performing again after I moved to New York City. He couldn’t believe that I actually knew her. He remembered that his parents used to sneak him into their shows when they came to Cleveland. “I was afraid of these big women. As a small child, they were larger than life and seemed dangerous.”

And as we spoke of divas that shaped our lives, I shared my experience of performing with Beyonce in 2003. “I imagine she is the only diva!” he said. But I explained that she wasn’t when I met her. She was extremely humble and down to earth. I still have the autographed doll she gave me before she, Harmonica Sunbeam and myself took the stage at The Roxy. She was so down to earth backstage, but when she hit the stage she became the diva that we know from her performances. She totally left it on the stage. Billy seemed impressed from my description. And in an odd way it brought me to the idea that Beyonce sort of represents a modern day "Pinky". "When I watch her I see Tina Turner. I see Diana Ross and even Dorothy Dandridge." he said. We both agreed she evokes all of the divas from the past with her passionate stage presence.

So, I am looking forward to his performance on March 3rd. I chose Lady G. to open for him because she is a graduate from one of the many programs at Black Cap. In many aspects, she is a shining example of what Black Cap is about - creating a safe and open community where today’s LGBT Black Community in Toronto can grow and learn from each other.

I have written a few blurbs about Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, but now I am happy to announce that they have crossed over into the mainstream. They first caught my attention with their beautifully crafted track “Same Love”. I was watching Ellen one afternoon and she brought them on to perform it. The lyrics really touched me because it was the first time I ever heard a straight Hip Hop artist rap about gay rights.

Well, their latest single, “Thrift Shop” has topped the Billboard charts for the past three weeks. It’s catchy and clever. Who would have thought a little diddy about finding bargains at a second hand store would be a hit? Well, with the economy the way it is in the US, it’s not that hard to believe. Remixes like the one by “Bombs Away & Komes”, “John Twig & Crowfield” or the “Beatfreakz” are all pretty cool, but none of them compare to the original. Although, I must say that the “Ravi Remix” is a great DJ tool to get you from a low BPM to a full Club speed.

It seems like Rihanna’s (right) label is flooding the market with singles at the moment. I just recently got two new remixes of “Nobody’s Business”. Pete Down basically took the album version with Chris Brown and tweeked it up to 125 BPM’s, but the Cousin Cole’s House Edit took Mr. Brown out and gave it an early 90’s House production. Both cute, but the idea that the song is flaunting her on-again-off-again relationship with Chris Brown really kinda turns me off to the track. And “Loveee Song” with Future has had a few remixes pop up as well.

Apparently “Jump” is going to be the next big single. This re-write of Ginuwine’s classic, “Pony” has definitely got the kids bumpin’ and grindin’ on the floors across the country. It’s Trap production (a fusion of downtempo Hip Hop and Dubstep) seems to be a hypnotic to those who love the sexy wobble of this hybrid. “Pour It Up” is another downtempo track, but I did find a pretty cool Club remix by Valentin Marlin. There’s this sappy ballad called “Stay” which seems like a weak single. I recently got an even weaker remix by Erol Sabadosh which does not seem like it would work in any club. And the return to her Jamaician roots with “No Love Allowed” is definitely Old Skool Reggae. The Mighty Mi & Slugworth Moombahthon remix would probably work better for my floor. But I’m not sure that all these releases will work unless she is doing some mega video shoot to get the visuals out to seal the deal.

Because I don’t listen to the radio anymore, my only outlets for what’s popular are charts and what people request when they come to my booth. Like newspapers, I find radio stations to be a waste of time. I mean... whatever they are paid to play will be hits. Just as whatever they are paid to write will be stories in papers and magazines. Rarely do actual artists break through the machine that is the music industry. I guess that’s why I was so happy about “Thrift Shop”. People actually watched that video on YouTube and actually came up to Club DJ’s and asked for this track.

So, when I saw Kendrick Lamar on SNL, I was like...”Who the hell is this?” He wasn’t bad, but he didn’t really stand out either. He did a track called “Swimming Pools”. Interesting, but again....not really my cup of tea. But then I checked out some of his other tracks and came across a song called “Poetic Justice”. This ode to Janet Jackson and the John Singleton’s 1993 movie with Tupac made me nostalgic for my early 20’s. The sample of Ms. Jackson’s “Anytime, Anyplace” brought back plenty of memories. Did it make me a Kendrick Lamar fan? No. But I will listen out for any future releases.

And speaking of finding out about a song on a TV show, the new Kenya Moore (right)  track, “Gone With The Wind Fabulous” is another attempt to extend someone’s 15 minutes. I was watching Anderson Cooper’s talk show and she was on. They played a clip of her performing it on some show on E! I kinda chuckled when she told the audience that she gets mistaken for Beyonce and no one responded. These girls from the Atlanta Housewives seem to release another dance song every couple of years. I played it last week for the first time and got no response. So, you can bet that it won’t happen again unless someone asks for it.

Recently, I started programming volume seven of my “Relentlessly Cunty” series and my good friend Franklin Fuentes sent me a link to a new remix by Josh Peace of his track with Azealia Banks called “Fierce”. Originally this was a track by Drums of Death that took samples of Franklin from previous tracks and then Azealia boosted the track for her mix tape. And though I loved the original track, I must say that Josh really turned this remix out! He gave it a new bounce with samples of George Kranz’ classic “Din Da Da”. Extremely hot!

So, everyone is jumping on the band wagon of dogging Beyonce. First they spent a couple of weeks bitchin’ about her lip syncing at the inauguration. And now they are dogging her for unflattering photos taken during her Superbowl Halftime Show. I thought her performance was fine. Of course Kelly and Michelle’s microphones were a little lower than Ms. Knowles’. And now they are blaming her for the blackout as well. I just wish they would leave this woman alone. Don’t they realize that it’s only gonna get worse. She’s got a World Tour, a documentary and a new Destiny’s Child album coming out. She’s about to be all over the news everywhere....again! I’m just curious why they didn’t do their ultra boring new single, “Nuclear”. What a yawn of a track!!! Let’s hope that they get some serious remixes done because this thing is not going any where!

And meanwhile on the commercial front....Kesha’s “C’mon” seems to be doing well. Justin Bieber’s acoustic album has put him in the category of the youngest person to have five #1 albums on the Billboard charts. I’m kinda lovin’ the Pitbull and Jennifer Lopez duet, “Drinks For You”. It’s got that 90’s House feel that seems to creeping back onto the dance floor. And I can say “I Love It” when I hear the latest single by Icona Pop. Catchy and juvenile at the same time. And lastly...I’m almost ashamed to say it, but the Solidisco remix of Bruno Mars’ (right) “Locked Out Of Heaven” is slowly becoming one of my favorites as well. It sounds so much like an old Police song that I often mix it with the Freemasons remix of “Every Breath You Take”.

As I write this blog I am overjoyed and even more optimistic than I was four years ago. Of course I was not awake during Obama’s second inauguration. The life of a DJ/performer is not that of a morning person. But I was smart enough to DVR it.

In my life time, I have witnessed many moments in history. Watergate, Grace Jones making her debut on the Merv Griffin Show, the assassination attempt on Ronald Reagan, the day that Martin Luther King Day went into law, the Challenger disaster, Michael Jackson being rushed to the hospital after catching fire during a Pepsi Commercial, the fall of the Berlin Wall, the first attempt to blow up the World Trade Center, O.J. Simpson  acquitted, Princess Diana’s death, the Monica Lewinsky Scandal, Columbine, 9-11, George W. Bush announced as the winner in 2004, Hurricane Katrina, the Wall Street collapse, Barack Obama announced as the 44th President of the United States and too many others to name. The world would never be the same. But after watching the inauguration today, I have to say that I have truly witnessed beyond history.

I remember when Ossie Davis died in 2005. After watching his wife, Ruby Dee at the funeral on NY1, it left me wondering who is going to do the work of the civil rights for the black community. It felt like Ossie’s death was a sign that our black history was fading away and being lost in hip hop culture. The heroes of the day at that time were folks like 50 Cent and Jay Z. And even looking them both now, it is fantastic to see the growth of both rap artists. In 2012, 50 Cent came out in support of Frank Ocean’s announcement of being bisexual and sat down with Oprah after being quoted as saying her show was for white women. And to think that Jay Z went from beefing with Nas to being one half of the most powerful couples in black culture. Time has definitely changed the world. And then I watched an interview with a senator from Chicago on Ms. Winfrey. “Audacity Of Hope” was more than a book. It became a movement that would lead to our first African-American president. It should have been called “The Audacity To Dream”.

I guess the weird thing for me has been watching the social media postings after the event. From catty gays comparing Mrs. Carter to Whitney Houston to shit-stirrers releasing statements complaining about Obama using Dr. King’s bible....it is really unbelievable that this is what people are taking from this historic moment. I have read all kinds of hateful posts and death threats to this President and I can remember all the folks who were upset with Obama because he wasn’t handling their personal issues. As if he didn’t have enough on his plate when he took office the first time. In my opinion, none of these petty comments or posts could overshadow what the President had to say today.

I don’t think anything could have prepared me for Obama’s speech at the inauguration. For me to hear a sitting president make a reference to the Stonewall Riots and compare it with other civil rights events really made me proud to be a gay African-American. Then he directly said that we will not succeed as a nation until our gay brothers and sisters are considered equal. Of course he spoke of many issues like global warming, equal pay for women and the pursuit of continuing Dr. King’s dream. The idea that this was the 50th Anniversary of the “I Have A Dream” speech really put into perspective how much the United States has grown. It is nowhere near finished, but I am so hopeful for the future. And to borrow a Gossip song, the US has begun to “Move In The Right Direction”.

A tear of joy slid down my cheek as I realized that anything is possible as Obama was sworn in for the second time. I wiped it away as I realized that a statue of Rosa Parks will be added to Statuary Hall in Washington DC. Listening to Myrlie Evers-Williams leading us in prayer made me want to go up in the spirit. My heart was full when I watched James Taylor, Kelly Clarkson & Beyonce sing their hearts out. How amazing that must have been to be a part of this slice of history. Forever being noted for this moment. And looking at Michelle Obama and their daughters it reminded me of all the first families that have come through the White House and how they are shaping the country as well.

It inspired me to do a mix to express my happiness and faith in what Martin Luther King  and President Obama have brought to the future. I know now that there will be a female President. I know that more gay people are going to be more visible in politics. I know that one day their will be a trans-gendered person in public office. The times are a changing....and they are changing for the better.

This past week, Azealia Banks got into a twitter war with Perez Hilton when he blogged about her beef with up and coming rapper, Angel Haze. I think in an attempt to shed some light on Azealia's child-like attention seeking behavior he tweeted that he liked her music but she tends to drag others down instead of lifting people up.

Banks then tweeted to Perez, "omg u should just kill yourself…. Like for real" followed by "lol what a messy faggot you are."

Now…I'm not the biggest Perez Hilton fan. I actually have only read a couple of things that he has written. And although I don't always agree with what he has to say, I will defend his right to say it.

And it does seem like Azealia has gone out of her way to have something to say about any other female rapper. She doesn't even have an album out yet. It's just been an EP and singles released. And I have to admit…I was in love with her style and flow, but the more she talked to the press and the more she used social media it made me think twice. It's almost like she is sabotaging her career before it gets started. But we have to remember that she's just a kid from Harlem. Many of her followers along with others on Twitter started an immediate backlash with comments. With gay teen suicides so visible in the news, this was a pretty horrible thing to say to anyone.

We often forget that when you take a child from a less fortunate background and place them in the spotlight it does not mean that they will suddenly gain manners and class. Often they are still the product of their original environment.

So, when she tried to give an explanation for her tweet it went like this…."A faggot is not a homosexual male. A faggot is any male who acts like a female. There's a BIG difference." Then she she added, "If u listen to my music and are not offended by the word nigga….We're not gonna go here with this faggot shit…. We're just not. Lol"

That didn't make it any better. So, she eventually had to apologize to anyone she offended, but made sure she pointed out that she was not apologizing to Perez. The worst thing is that in 2011 Ms. Banks told the New York Times that she is bisexual. Is this a case of a "gay on gay" verbal bashing?

Well, as far as I know….I have never seen Azealia with another woman. It's not like photos of her and her girlfriend are popping up everywhere (like Queen Latifah). All I ever hear about her is that she is in the middle of another fight with someone else on twitter. I think she should shut her account down and just concentrate on her music if she wants to get any further. I mean….performing all over the world is great (and I don't knock a girl for getting' huh money), but she is gonna have to drop an album sometime.

And like American Idol's Fantasia, the media is not going to let her get away with any kind of gay slurs. If you had not heard about Ms. Barrino….she just recently went on a rant on Instagram where she  said "I rise ABOVE IT ALL!! THE WORLD IS GONE MAD. KIDS, GOVERNMENT, THE church House….Everybody trying!!!!! It's a lot that going on that the BIble speaks about we should not be doing. Weed legal in some places, Gay Marriage Legal BUT YET I'M JUDGED!!!"

Obviously Fantasia is feeling the pressure of stealing someone's husband in the public eye. Now she wants to throw everyone under the bus because they won't stop talking about it. There's an old saying…."If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging!"

But back to the supposedly bisexual Ms. Banks. I am beginning to wonder if she just put her sexuality out there to get a built-in following. I remember when suddenly Madonna was very chummy with Sandra Bernhard back in the late 80's. Certainly the rumors of her playing around with girls didn't hurt her career.

You know, when Donna Summer was accused of being homophobic back in the 80's, she immediately suffered a backlash. She sued a publication for misquoting her and even wrote an apology letter to ACT UP to regain her gay fan base.

Well, I guess Azealia's big mouth has finally done her in. It was reported on January 7th that she scoffed at GLAAD's complaint against her statement when she tweeted "Glaad and all these others need to give it a break… Picking and choosing when to be offended….. Pfffft, as fucking if." She continued "As if all 'derogatory' words are not now in 2013, simply just expletives.

And within hours, it was reported that Interscope Records had opted out her record deal. 

But when it comes to Mr. Frank Ocean it really seems odd that he comes out as bisexual right before his album drops and suddenly he is the bell of the ball. SNL snatches him up immediately for a musical guest spot. He's on the MTV Awards. Late Night loves him.

Now, I admit that it took me a minute to fall in love with "Thinking 'Bout You". Really, the House remixes did the trick because I was not feeling the original. As my husband describes it…it sounded like a bad Prince B-side. But I never heard anything else off that album. I saw no other videos and got very few requests for his material. Neither did his album or single go to #1 on the Billboard charts or even sold enough to go "gold". So, how is it that he is nominated for "Song of the Year" at the Grammy's? Is the industry rewarding him for being the first modern day Black Man to come out (even if it was as a bisexual  and not the full monty of Gay)? 

He also recently got into trouble, but it was an arrest for pot possession and speeding on New Years Eve. It's rumored that the guy in the car with him is who he is dating and was giving him head. I personally don't believe it. Until I see him on video or TV in a mad lip-lock with some dude and hands roaming about all over the other guy's person….I ain't buying it! And I don't care if 50 Cent endorses Frank. I believe he's just doing that to sell his own latest album. He thinks by talking to Oprah and standing behind Frank that we are supposed to forget his homophobic lyrics. The Gay Dollar is a powerful one. Don't forget it. The music industry hasn't.

For a brief moment, I had the same problem with Lady GaGa. It seemed like all marketing for her "Born This Way" single with the statements and the uber-gay visuals until I saw her go to Washington DC to meet with President Obama to discuss the issues of gay teen suicide and gay rights. And although I think her image is going to be her downfall, she really put her money where her mouth was. And unlike Madonna in the mid 90's, she hasn't dropped the Gay Community for a movie career. But then again, Lady GaGa hasn't been around as long as Madonna either.

My point being….is it necessary to lie about one's sexuality to gain them as an audience? I think not. For example….there's a rapper named Macklemore (below, right)who is one half of Macklemore & Ryan Lewis and they recorded a great song in support of Gay Marriage called "Same Love". Macklemore is not gay, but he has definitely cemented a gay following. Why? Because he spoke from his heart and the truth about the US and their beliefs on the subject.

But the truth of the matter is that when it comes to marketability the industry wants an artist that looks and sounds like a straight artist but appeals to the gay audience. I guess Nicki Minaj falls right in that category because she's so animated with a large scoop of ghetto and a fake British accent.

So…BUYER BEWARE! Not everything that glitters is GAY. Do your homework and support the real gay artists because if we don't support our own…..who will? 

You know….a man never forgets finding his first chest hair in his whiskey. Especially if it isn't his. And believe it or not, that's how I feel about 2012. While some great things happened during this year, there were quite a few moments I was extremely disappointed with.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I am overjoyed that Obama was re-elected, but the process was despicable! Watching the U.S. show the real underbelly of racism and ignorance was just embarrassing. Seeing how divided the country is on issues of gay marriage and women's rights really put in perspective how old white men are afraid of losing their hold over their world. But it was inevitable that "change" would have to come. From eating Chick-fil-a to assinine Republican mouthpieces like Reihan Salam, my home country really showed their asses. But it was kind of amusing to watch the Republican Party implode with all their old ideas and racist rhetoric.

And speaking of racism, it is a sad note the year that saw the United States' first African-American President's re-election has to also be known for what I believe is one of the worst films ever. Of course I am speaking of Quentin Tarantino's "Django Unchained". From the moment I saw the first previews, I was disgusted. Tarantino's obsession with Black Culture is sick. I really wish he would stop writing scripts that allow him to use the N-word. And apparently the N-word is said about 110 times throughout the film. I was really happy to hear that Spike Lee came out against "Django" (as many should).

There's a situation that has happened here in Toronto with a popular drag performer named Donnarama that has opened a conversation about when is it racism or when it is art. I was not at this performance, but it sparked quite a controversy in the Huffington Post when Donnarama performed a medley of songs in a make-shift burka that also had fake bombs attached to her outfit at Woody's (a popular bar on Church Street in the Gay Village). So a social worker and writer for the Huffington Post decided to complain about how he was offended by her show. Sounds simple and clean, but it wasn't. It sparked a lot of outrageous reactions on facebook and other social media sites. I actually believe the comments that followed were worse than what was done on stage or the original blog.

There have been a few incidents in Toronto that have had racial overtones, like a burlesque performer named Dew Lilly who performed in blackface or the DJ team, Yes-Yes-Ya'll being boo-ed and told to get off the main stage at Pride. In all these situations there seems to be a consensus that our non-people of color have a sense of entitlement when deciding what is racist and what is not. I had major problems playing "N#%gas In Paris" (which has been nominated for a Grammy for Best Rap Song) because I didn't like the idea of white customers coming to me asking for it. If they knew how that word has hurt and plagued so many of my people I don't think they would use it so easily. I'm married to a white man and I couldn't make him say the N-word for anything in the world. Why? Because he understands what a hateful and hurtful word it is. And no matter how many times Nicki Minaj,  Azealia Banks, Jay Z or Kanye West use it in their songs, it still doesn't lessen the sting of it or change the meaning for me. Watching my grandmother being spit on and called a "nigger" in a grocery store in Florida in the 70's has never left my mind. And that is why I don't use the word. I say to all my friends, please try to listen and put yourself in someone else's shoes when you hear them speak against racism.

"The internet has created a space where people feel like they can say anything without consequences."

I can't stop anyone from using the n-word, but I can set an example for those around me. So, I can only imagine the unrest that Rahim Thawer felt when he decided to speak against Donnarama's performance. The horrible things that were said about him also reminded me of the comments that were said about Cecil Singleton when he decided to come forward with his story about his underage relationship with the voice of Elmo. The internet has created a space where people feel like they can say anything without consequences. But with all the suicides and folks losing their jobs because of facebook posts, you'd think that someone would get a clue.

And it was heartbreaking to end the year with the shooting at an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut. The noticeable absence of gun control as an issue during the election was really brought home with this shooting. And the one thing neither candidate wanted to bring up came back to bite them in the ass. So, now it's put up or shut up for Obama. But again, here's another U.S. issue that is so embarrassing to even talk about. Literally about a month before the shooting, I was trying to explain to someone here in Toronto that not all Americans carry guns and then this happens. I have never owned or held a gun. Most of the people I know are the same, but there are plenty of gun owners in the country and they believe that everyone should own a gun. They don't think that guns are the problem. They will blame anything and everything else except the guns. And honestly….they can put all the bans on assault weapons they want, there are too many guns already out there to fix this problem. That's just my opinion. I hate what happened and I hate guns, but what are they going to do? What can they do? And now folks are calling for Piers Morgan to be deported because he spoke out against the U.S. for their 2nd Amendment on gun laws. Really?

I normally write about music. 2012 was the year of Pop crap that you couldn't get out of your head. Kesha's "Die Young" got dropped off radio playlists and took a nose dive on the charts after the shooting. In my review, I actually said that it was irresponsible for her to write such a song. Then she lied and said she didn't write the song and had a problem singing it.  What a stupid idiot!

And speaking of stupid idiots…..Rihanna. Need I say more? What a set of balls on this one! Opens the year with a duet with Chris Brown with lyrics about having sex with him. He doesn't gets what he wants and then goes online and trashes her. Makes a mix tape version of Kanye West's "Theraflu" where he disses her again. Then she's spotted out with him over the summer. That breaks up his relationship with some other stupid girl. Now they have another duet together on her new album called "Nobody's Business". Three weeks ago, she is tweeting photos of Chris sleeping in her hotel room in Paris. Then she cries on her Oprah interview that she was worried about him and not herself when the beating took place. I know I'll have to play both of their music in order to stay employed, but I no longer have respect for her at all. She's a sad girl in my opinion.

"YouTube hits and Facebook likes are not a career."

But a musical highlight for me this year was hearing that Justin Bieber got boo-ed at the halftime show at the Grey Cup. I am so sick of this young lesbian look-a-like. I never really cared for him to begin with. And after I read his comments about being gay is a choice, I really had no use for him. And his acceptance speech at the American Music Awards this year really left a bad taste in my mouth as well. He accused his critics of just being "haters" and that they are jealous of his success. Bitch…you only have a couple of albums. Come back when you have a complete body of work as an artist. YouTube hits and Facebook likes are not a career. And like most of today's flava of the moment, you will slide down the charts into obscurity. Ask Eminem, Marilyn Manson, 50 Cent and Aaron Carter. And like I said early in 2012, your need to prove that you aren't a kid anymore is gonna be your undoing.

And I really hate Justin for helping Carly Rae Jepsen with launching the most unforgettable piece of crap to ever hit the airwaves…."Call Me Maybe". The only good thing about that song being a hit is that she won't be able to top it. So, "One Hit Wonders" here she comes!

Another person who irritated me this year was the lovely and talented Britney Spears (that was sarcasm if you didn't catch it). Like Christina Aguilera before her, Britney proved that being a judge on a singing competition reality show can really accentuate how much of a superficial bitch she is. She came off so condescending that I wanted to jump throw the television screen and choke her. Every time she said "sweetie" I wanted to vomit! The nerve of her judging anyone on their vocal abilities was just absurd, but I guess Simon needed a new Paula Abdul. And her new single with the ever-so-lyrically-deep Will.I.Am made me want to stop playing Pop music all together. Did you know that all the crap that they featured in the music video for "Scream & Shout" cost $808,284.95?. None of that crap had anything to do with the song. It's just a commercial for more things that we don't really need (except for an amputee who might need the prosthetic hand).

2012 also saw many deaths. Besides the death of Kevin Clash's career, we lost many musical and entertainment legends. We all heard about Etta James, Don Cornelius, Whitney Houston, Donna Summer, Phyllis Diller, Gore Vidal, Bob Welch, Adam Yauch, Andy Griffin, Marvin Hamlisch, Alex Karras, Dave Brubeck, Andy Williams, Larry Hagman and Jack Klugman. And they along with so many others will be missed, but the deaths of gay suicides by teens like Jack Reese, Phillip Parker and Jamie Hubley really stuck in my soul. The "It Gets Better" Campaign is great, but it seems like more kids are dying after being bullied at an alarming rate. I'm happy that there are more programs in schools and more outreach to get students who are bullied to go talk to someone, but it still breaks my heart that there are ones still slipping through the cracks. We will never know the extent of pain in one's heart. And I hope most of us will never know.

But with all my complaints about the past year, it wasn't all bad. I actually accomplished a couple of goals this year. I wanted to start another talent competition where new artists and performers could come and sharpen their craft and I did. TOP STAR debuted at Statlers on August 1st. It had a great run there until November. I had a great article written about my show and me in FAB Magazine by Paul Bellini (famous writer for "Kids In The Hall"). Unfortunately it was cancelled shortly after the article was published. But the good news is that it got picked up by The Flying Beaver a week later. We debut there on January 2nd.

And my other accomplishment was the launch of my POZ-TO Dance Party at CLUB 120. It's a monthly benefit for the POZ Community. There's no cover but we do ask that you donate $5 to go to ACT or donate nonperishable food to the PWA Foundation. Last year this time I wanted to do something for my community and now I am.

I'm hopeful for 2013. Sure…the U.S. may go over the fiscal cliff. Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey may be the end of American Idol. Hillary may consider a run in 2016. And I won't be seeing Tom Cruise's new effort, "Jack Reach-Around". Honestly…how many bad-asses can he play? For God's sake….we have seen him dancing in his underwear! All I know is that this is the best time in my life. I actually feel like I have the power to change my world. I hope that everyone realizes that if they represent change in their own lives they can really change the world. I've got a loving husband and an endless amount of creativity. Let's just hope that others in my community will be up for some change. I know I am!

By now everyone has heard about the “Elmo Scandal”. It has been plastered all over every newspaper and the internet. And from the second that (Elmo puppeteer) Kevin Clash was accused of having sex with teenaged boys, folks started taking sides. I was actually surprised at some people’s reactions. Many of the comments and blogs I read attacked (first accuser) Sheldon Stephens (below right) from all angles. Lots of discrediting information was released about him and many pegged him as a scammer trying to get money out of a celebrity. 

Then we learned that Sheldon settled and received $125,000 with a gag order. 

Now, I don’t know about you, but the first thing that popped into my head was the first Michael Jackson accusation. I remembered Michael basically using Oprah for a public relations moment. The kid and his family were paid off and everything was sort of swept under rug. No one really questioned what happened. No one was paying attention to the payoff and who paid it. I believe that Sony paid the family in exchange for getting their hands on the Beatles rights that Michael owned. This would explain how all these unreleased Beatles songs charted and won awards in the late 90’s. But by the time the second accusation came around, Sony had got what they wanted and left Michael out to dry. Remember Michael standing with Louis Farrakhan at a press conference complaining that Sony was not promoting his “Invincible” album? This left him no option but to go to court for the second case. But by this time, public opinion had been made. At that moment, he couldn’t get a hit in traffic. 

Back to Sheldon,  a couple of days after he recanted his accusing statement and signed the settlement, he announced that he wanted to recant his recant, saying that he signed the agreement under duress. Of course this went over like a lead balloon. So, like the accused in the Jackson case, the second accuser here Cecil Singleton’s (below left) accusation forced Kevin Clash to out. 

I’m not usually awake for “The View”, but I happened to catch Whoopi Goldberg talking about Clash’s resignation. The way she spoke about Clash was to the effect that all he needed to do was take the time to prove his innocence and he will come back. And then I came across a posting of a Facebook friend who is an older gay man who was defending Kevin Clash. I immediately realized that there was this weird double standard amongst older gay men who sided with Clash. They seemed to believe that Kevin Clash is the victim here, probably because he came out so late in life. They felt that this was some scheme to take him down. And one post I read said that this was just another attempt to paint the black man as a monster. 

I have to say...I was appalled! Coming from a troubled childhood myself, I know what it is to be taken advantaged of sexually. I was molested by my uncle between the ages of 7 to 10. Because I never really told anyone, it would lead to a breakdown in my teen years. Coming to terms with my sexuality and accepting myself shaped the person I am today. So, the idea that these two men who have brought their experiences to the public are being crucified really upset me. 

I reached out to Cecil Singleton by sending him a Facebook friends request and offered some words of encouragement. I can’t imagine what it must be like to read comments of folks wishing you get AIDS and die. All because of the love and affection they have for a fictional children’s character. As if the person with his hand up the puppet does not have a real life. 

The other thing I remembered was that I first heard that Kevin Clash was gay back in 1999 when I was recording my first album in Baltimore. It was the gossip of the moment that he was in therapy for his “gay episodes”. Apparently his wife was making him go get help to stop. We joked that when you have money, you have “episodes”. When you are an Average Joe, “you are just cruisin’ and sucking dick.” 

After talking with Cecil Singleton, I received a phone call from his lawyer asking what I knew about Mr. Clash back then. I could only say that I heard that he was in therapy and was picking up guys. I think the lawyer was hoping I would say that he was picking up young boys, but I did not and could not because that was not what I heard. 

To my surprise after a few messages back and forth, Cecil asked if he could call me. I guess he felt comfortable enough to actually speak to me. Immediately after we started talking we realized that we probably had seen each other when I was a DJ at Escuelita. We sort of bonded over being so young when coming out. I was surprised at how open he was about talking about his experiences with Kevin Clash. 

“We met on a chat line and he invited me out to dinner” explained Cecil. 

The interesting thing Cecil told me was that Kevin went to great lengths to keep his identity from him. It wasn’t until Cecil had been involved with him for several years before he found out his last name. A friend suggested Cecil google his name and that’s how he found out that he had been involved since the age of 15 with the voice of Elmo. He confronted Kevin and asked “Did you think that I was going to try to take advantage of you? Is that why you didn’t tell me who you are?” He had told Cecil that he worked for the School Board. "I was offended by your dishonesty!" Cecil told Kevin. 

By the time Cecil had confronted Kevin, he was 19 and I guess he was too old for Mr.Clash. So, their relationship faded. 

We talked about Sheldon Stephen’s recant of his recant. Cecil said that he felt that Sheldon made a mistake for settling. From talking with Cecil, I got the impression that he was more concerned about what Clash has been doing for years.  “How many others has he used his position to manipulate into relationships and sex?” Because at the end of the day, this man has money and power. And from the situation with Sheldon Stephens, it appears Clash was going to use that money and power to shut him up. But there are reports that Sheldon was crying when he signed the agreement. 

The other thing that seemed apparent in our conversation was that Cecil is a very articulate young man. “I’m very aware that I am androgynous. I love it.” he told me. He noticed that many of the comments had to do with how he looks. I made me think about when I worked at the Tampa Tribune. I was very androgynous in my appearance. Come to think of it....I just found the City Editor who hired me and I guess he was not thrilled to read my profile and blogs. Being an out HIV+ blogger, DJ and female impersonator was just a little too much for him. I can only imagine what a hateful internet would offer a pretty boy who has accused Elmo of having sex with teenaged boys.

We talked about if he felt like a victim in this situation. “At the time when I met Kevin, I had been in and out foster homes. I was depressed and felt that I didn’t have anyone.” explained Cecil. That sounds like a total recipe for a predator to pounce. Sheldon Stephens was not from a rosy background either. Do you recognize a trend here? 

During the hour long time on the phone, I told Cecil that I was a blogger and that I wanted to  write about him. I felt it was important that he be heard in the gay media. He has done several interviews for NY publications and TMZ, but for some reason no one from the gay mags has reached out, at least to my knowledge. 

I just want everyone to take a moment and think about the fact that most child molesters and predators put themselves in positions where they have access to kids and teenagers. Classic examples are Michael Jackson and Jerry Sandusky. And now the spotlight has been pointed at Kevin Clash. I say we should listen to these two young men before anyone jumps to any conclusions. The proof is going to be in the pudding over the next few months as more information and, quite likely, more people come forward.